14 STEALTH MONUMENTS

By JAMES TENAFLY

In an effort to prevent coal and oil miners from destroying the American landscape, the Obama administration’s making 14 new national monuments, according to a leaked internal document. Just as Bill Clinton did by creating the Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument in 1996, the new administration’s measures are designed to surreptitiously keep dirty, coaly hands off the nation’s pristine landscape.

It will come as no surprise that this revelation has Republicans in a tizzy. Especially Utah Republicans whose state not only contains the contested Grand Staircase, but appears twice on the list of proposed new monuments. How are Utah reps going to fulfill their promises to the coal lobby with so much of their desert land under federal protection? They’re not, that’s how.

Under the Antiquities Act of 1906, Obama can turn whatever parcel of land he likes into a national monument without Congressional approval, an act which State Rep. Mike Noel believes “runs counter to the sovereignty of Utah.” Guh, enough with the state sovereignty shit! Haven’t these guys ever heard of the Civil War? There’s no such thing as states’ rights, unless you’re talking about a state’s right to eat federal shit and love it.

By JAMES TENAFLY 1 year ago

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