Gavin Haynes's Sleepless Nights

Why I Feel Sorry for the Pope Who Hung Up on God

Benedict is alone. He is ex-Pope. He has ceased to be pope. He is hanging up the pointy hat. He is turning over the keys to the golf buggy to a younger guy. From now on, when he tells young Africans that the best way to protect themselves from AIDS is abstinence, they can chuckle heartily at his virginal naïveté without fear of smiting. He will just be an old crank with eyes like wormholes into hell. Nothing to fear. Full story

Gavin Haynes's Sleepless Nights

Reasons Why Everyone Should Start a New Life in Brilliant Britain

Britain is an intolerable wasteland, and you're an idiot if you want to live there. Not my words, but the paraphrased sentiments of the British government, that, it emerged last weekend, is considering placing ads in Romania and Bulgaria telling people not to move there when curr… Full story

Gavin Haynes's Sleepless Nights

Bath Salts, Orgies, Murder, and Anti-Virus Software

If there is one thing society can learn from the soap opera now engulfing tech zillionaire John McAfee, it is that rectal shelving is the best way to take the psychoactive drug MDPV. Full story

We Think We Found Mitt Romney's Undelivered Victory Speech

This morning, VICE came into possession of a speech that appears to have been written by someone who has just won the election to be the President of the United States of America. We're not saying that it is or isn't the victory speech Mitt Romney wrote that seemed destined to go… Full story

A British Person's Guide to the US Election

This election will be decided yet again by these things that keep getting called "swing states." These are the most unhappy places in the union because there are equal numbers of Democrats and Republicans. In these squalid misery-zones, Americans can't even have an abortion witho… Full story

Gavin Haynes's Sleepless Nights

Soon Old People Will Suck the Youth Right Out of Your Veins

Someone has proved that old people can benefit from slurping the blood of the young. Though obviously when I say "slurping" I mean "by having a clinically sterile transfusion." And when I say "old people" I mean "old mice," but y'know, we're all the same aren't we? Full story

Conclusive Proof: Britain Loves Ecstasy

Well, the votes are in, and the count's findings are conclusive: Britain loves ecstasy. The party drug was the real winner last night on 'Drugs Live,' a UK game show where a soldier, a lady priest, and stern-faced 'We Need to Talk About Kevin' writer Lionel Shriver competed to se… Full story

Thoughts On a Closing Ceremony

It was officially called the closing ceremony, but it was really one immense concert featuring just about every Brit who has ever stood in front of a microphone. The global audience registered in the hundreds of billions, and for large swathes of time, they probably had no fuckin… Full story

Bob Dylan Responds to Jonah Lehrer - VICE Exclusive

"The worst thing that could ever happen to me would be for some egregious and low-moralled hack to pass off his words as my own." Full story

Why I Hate America

Four of our country's most famous patriots come clean on Independence Day. Full story