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      Henry Langston

      Henry Langston

      By Henry Langston Mar 17, 2014

      Ukraine: Defending the Homeland

      The Ukrainian government has announced the formation of the National Guard, after it was revealed that the Ukrainian army had only 6,000 combat-ready troops, compared with Russia's 200,000. This new volunteer force will bolster the under-staffed military,…

      By Henry Langston Mar 17, 2014
      By Henry Langston Jan 23, 2013

      World Peace Update

      Compared to last week's French air strikes against Islamist rebels in Mali, this week—world violence-wise—has been a bit of a wash out. If it weren't for some pissed off Egyptians, Turks, and the never-ending slaughter in Syria, things would have been pre…

      By Henry Langston Jan 23, 2013
      By Henry Langston Jan 16, 2013

      World Peace Update

      What with India and Pakistan risking a nuclear war by trading bullets all last week, it became obvious that the world would have no problem falling back into its comfort zone of terrorizing itself in the new year.

      By Henry Langston Jan 16, 2013
      By Henry Langston Dec 20, 2012

      World Peace Update

      How exactly is the planet preparing for the rapture? Some people are buying tons of non-perishable food and hiding in underground bunkers. Others, however, are far too busy rioting at wheelchair basketball matches, brawling with their fellow members of pa…

      By Henry Langston Dec 20, 2012
      By Henry Langston Dec 12, 2012

      World Peace Update

      Last week's World Peace Update looked at the riots engulfing Slovenia, the trigger-happy Tunisian policemen who tried to blind the citizens of Siliana, and the looming possibility of Bashar al-Assad gassing what remains of his population to death with ner…

      By Henry Langston Dec 12, 2012
      By Henry Langston Dec 6, 2012

      World Peace Update

      This week's World Peace Update doesn't veer too far from its default distress curve on the bruised and bloodied axes of planetary suffering: some Slovenians got really angry with their government, a group of Tunisian protesters were blinded, and the Syria…

      By Henry Langston Dec 6, 2012
      By Henry Langston Nov 21, 2012

      World Peace Update

      Oh hai, Israel! Nice of you to join us. Ever since one of your drones took out Hamas' military leader, Ahmed Jabari, in a missile strike last Wednesday, you've been bombing the crap out of the Gaza Strip. Bravo on your maiden appearance in World Peace Upd…

      By Henry Langston Nov 21, 2012
      By Henry Langston Nov 15, 2012

      Gaza Is Plunged into War, Again

      As night fell on Wednesday, Gaza was once again plunged into war as Israeli fighter jets hit a number of targets in the small strip of land. Israel claims the assassination and subsequent air strikes, called "Operation Pillar of Defense," were in retaliat…

      By Henry Langston Nov 15, 2012
      By Henry Langston Nov 1, 2012

      World Peace Update

      Humans found a vicious, unsuspecting competitor in fucking the world up this week: Nature, who decided to fart out Hurricane Sandy and hog up all the limelight. So, as Kurds took on the streets of Turkey and shop owners beat up police in Peru, you all kep…

      By Henry Langston Nov 1, 2012
      By Henry Langston Oct 24, 2012

      World Peace Update

      Last week, the UK and France came so close to having a war about scallops you could almost smell the garlic. I polished my LARPing armor and began practicing my French, but alas, fighting never broke out. Thankfully a bunch of Mexican students, some Panam…

      By Henry Langston Oct 24, 2012
      By Henry Langston Oct 17, 2012

      World Peace Update

      This is a little awkward, but I just figured out that the guys on the Norwegian Nobel Comittee haven't been following this column, because if they had they surely wouldn't have awarded the Nobel Peace Prize to the European Union this week.

      By Henry Langston Oct 17, 2012
      By Henry Langston Oct 10, 2012

      The Greeks Welcomed Angela Merkel

      As if Greece didn't have it bad enough already, what with the crippling austerity, massive unemployment, and fascists as their local police force, Angela Merkel took a trip over there yesterday for a mini-break just to make sure they're all behaving.

      By Henry Langston Oct 10, 2012