Mobutu Sese Seko

In CPAC's unreality bubble, Santorum's own brand of uplifting nonsense is actually pretty moving.

This week probably marks the moment that schadenfreude finally left the Ron Paul campaign.

The man who secures the Republican Party's nomination for President will be the most put-upon, under-appreciated, and maligned citizen in the country.

While the debate format itself inhibits someone from saying anything real, more GOP debates damn everyone to hearing the repetition of white (in more ways than one) noise.

The feckless and serially insipid Mitt Romney has always managed to make everybody crazy; but even his supporters are affected by Romney Derangement.

Jon Huntsman isn't mad as hell, and it's not getting him anywhere.

Let's switch gears and ask ourselves what we can celebrate about the Ron Paul candidacy.

With Herman Cain in the jaws of defeat from trying to indulge in so much victory snatch, and Ron Paul turning his knives on Newt Gingrich, it's time to figure out who's the new GOP flavor of the week.

Finding Newt at the head of the presidential pack is like turning on "Super Friends" and finding Aquaman in charge. Only in addition to speaking conversational Fish, Aquaman is also a dick.

The corpse of Herman Cain's candidacy will linger and emit noises, like gas escaping from each end, despite being killed by five (and counting) accusations of sexual harassment.

If you've been watching the Republican debates, you'll remember Cain, because he's the black one. His qualification for being president is that he was the CEO of Godfather's Pizza.