@BLDDS&CRPS LETS DO ILLEGAL STUFF

By JAMES TENAFLY

New York’s Picture Newspaper reports that Harlem teens are using Twitter to “organize street fights and other shady activities,” like trash talking! Fighting? Harlem teens? Shady activities? Clearly, there’s only one conclusion any self-respecting sensationalist rag can jump to: NYC GANGS ARE GOING 2.0! Even though the idea’s idiotic on its surface, the Daily News found a willing corroborator in the New York Police Department. It comes as no surprise, of course: those fellas downtown are always eager to make their job and this city look a little scarier! I can only imagine the NYPD’s posterior deltoid protected by a thick layer of leathery callus from all the self-congratulatory back-patting that agency’s done over the years. Especially with the dawn of the information age, NY gumshoes seem never without reason to be impressed with themselves. Ever since they first cracked the nigh-indecipherable code used by dealers on craigslist, NY online detectives have been stroking their egos online one “420 friendly Ski buddy” at a time. Does it occur to them that the gangs and dealers advertising online are the stupidest of their ilk? These so-called Tweeting gangsters are hardly MS13 generals: these are dumb, bored kids playing with their Sidekicks and looking to stir up shit for the fun of it. Not organized crime, not cyber-terrorism. Just dumb teenagers stupid enough to bring guns to a playground scuffle.