The Definitive Guide To Enlightening Information | VICE Today | United States

HEY RON!

Hey Ron! - Am I Watching Too Much Porn?

There are probably a few people at VICE with sticky keyboards. Those are the co-workers I won't shake hands with. Full story

2012 May 25 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - How Much Should I Drink After Graduation?

I know a few things about overindulgence from first-hand experience. One time I literally parked on top of a fire hydrant. Full story

2012 May 18 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Should I Move in with My Deadbeat Boyfriend?

Keep that knucklehead out of your house and be like me—independent, free, and maintaining an exemplary credit score. Full story

2012 May 11 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - What Should I Say to My Girl if Her Coochie Stinks?

Before you go around pointing the finger at people, you need to look in the mirror and get a nostril full of the scents emanating from your own crotch. It may not be good. Full story

2012 May 4 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! Reloaded

Your favorite life coach Ron is back with a whole new outlook on life and he's ready to share it with all you hopeless hapless scumbags. Full story

2012 Apr 27 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - What Should I Say to a Cop?

Ron gives you some choice tips on how to interact with the po-pos so you don't have to worry about not dropping the soap. Full story

2012 Apr 27 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Don't Ass Bet

If you bet and lose, you have to either pay it up or get kicked in the butt. Full story

2012 Feb 10 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Eli Manning Is My Homeboy

I used to think Eli was a second rate quarterback. But I've learned to accept his flaws and now I'm in a "bromance" with the guy. I'll be wearing his jersey on Super Bowl Sunday. Full story

2012 Jan 26 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Dating Is Overrated

Dating just isn't what it's cracked up to be. I'm like a little minnow swimming in a pool full of greedy sharks. Full story

2012 Jan 12 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Don't Turd on Me

It is not OK to shit in the bathroom next to my desk. Full story

2012 Jan 5 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Maad Video

Ron's got a lot of opinions, and in the spirit of the season he's letting someone else share hers. Full story

2011 Dec 22 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Presidential Campaign

Herman, if you're reading this: Go back to making pizza. Full story

2011 Dec 8 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - I'm Not White

Since working for VICE, my black friends think I've been turning white. Full story

2011 Dec 2 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Joining the Masons

Everybody asks me to help them become a Freemason but it's not like joining Netflix. Full story

2011 Nov 23 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Welcome to the Shinydome

I'm not ashamed of being bald. In fact, I'm a proud member of the bald community. It's an honor to be in the same league as Isaac Hayes and Michael Jordan. Full story

2011 Nov 10 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - I Buy My Own Jolly Ranchers

Instead of finding a regular woman, I'm going to find one with an EBT card and live off her because she eats for free. Full story

2011 Nov 3 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron - My Dad Boned Some Lady

If your wife tells you to sleep with other women and you do it, don't tell her about it. Full story

2011 Oct 27 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Occupy This

I can write on my sign, "I just don't like none of y'all." Because none of y'all are making any damn sense. Full story

2011 Oct 14 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron - Nothing's Worse Than a Little Power

It's funny how the tiniest bit of power can turn the nicest people into total dicks. Full story

2011 Oct 6 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Eli Manning Is a Turd

I'm a New Yorker, so I love the Jets and I love the Giants—I bleed blue and sometimes green, depending on the weather—but I hate Eli Manning with a passion. Full story

2011 Sep 30 Ron Hemphill Sports

5

8
Hey Ron! - Ray Dog, Real-Life Omar

I want to tell you about a real-life vigilante I used to know named Ray Dog. He wasn’t a big guy, he was just a very, very good fighter. His two brothers were well-versed in martial arts, and they taught him how to fight. Full story

2011 Sep 8 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Mixed Meats

Whenever people ask me what type of meat I like, I always say dark. It’s not that I’m racist, I just like dark meat. It’s juicier and has more flavor. Now, white meat can taste good if it’s blended, but all white meat doesn’t work for me. Full story

2011 Sep 2 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - We're All Broke

I've been poor. It's tough. But you make it harder on yourself if you don't know how to handle your money. The last thing you want to do if you're broke is try to keep up with the Kardashians. You'll always lose that battle. Full story

2011 Aug 19 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Riot Ruminatin'

The closest I've come to being in a riot was during the blackouts of '77. We were so ignorant. We destroyed our own neighborhoods and fought against each other. Full story

2011 Aug 12 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Who Wants to Be a Punk?

I grew up in the projects on 100th between Park and Madison. In my neighborhood, a punk was someone who couldn't fight or didn't do dangerous things like the rest of us. Full story

2011 Aug 10 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Customer Service Suffering

For some reason I've been dealing with a lot of customer service representatives lately. As I'm sure you know, they are the worst people on the face of the Earth. What's more, you have to fight an automated system before you get the privilege of talking to one of them. Full story

2011 Jul 29 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Privacy Problems

I didn’t know much about Rupert Murdoch until he hit the news a couple of weeks ago. He’s a very wealthy man, and I can see how he’s ended up where he is. Hell, if I had enough power to wiretap the stuff that goes on with Google and IBM and all those other Fortune 500 companies,… Full story

2011 Jul 22 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Barn Livin’

I know this is a stereotypical thing to say, but kids these days don’t have any manners. When I was 12 or 13 and riding the subway with my friends, I made it a point not to curse if adults were around. Nowadays I get on the train and hear 14-year-old kids talking about having sex… Full story

2011 Jul 8 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - Roommates Suck

This special Freaky Friday edition of Hey Ron! is about roommates, specifically kicking them out. Today's missive is from a young man who recently got a new job and can now afford to liv… Full story

2011 May 27 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Intern Emancipation

We just got our new batch of summer inte… Full story

2011 May 19 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Sciatica Can Suck It

I’m m… Full story

2011 May 12 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Oh Sheets!

When I he… Full story

2011 May 5 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Apartment Apoplexy

This week's dilemma is a story of love turned sour. Full story

2011 Apr 28 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Puff Puff I'll Pass

First of all does anybody know how 4/20 became dedicated to smoking weed? I work for Vice, so it's 4/20 every day, which is why it doesn't matter that this po… Full story

2011 Apr 21 Ron Hemphill Stuff

5

8
Hey Ron! - All Night With Hey Ron!

It was only a matter of time before Hey Ron!’s fame transcended its already substantial internet following, and midnight tonight will be the precise moment Ronald H… Full story

2011 Apr 12 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Failure to Launch

Moochers are the worst. We've all had friends who are constantly borrowing money, bumming smokes, and crashing on our couches, and when it gets to be too much we sim… Full story

2011 Apr 7 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Racial Slurs

"Cracker" is a sensitive word. I don’t know if it’s ever truly appropriate to say it unless you’re having some crackers as a snack with some Whiz f… Full story

2011 Mar 31 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - The Ups and Downs of the L

I recently moved to Ridgewood, Queens. My new place is very convenient to get to as far as work and church are concerned. Church is five blocks away, and once I'm on the Full story

2011 Mar 24 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! – It Rage

I’ve been working next to the IT guys for about four years. There are two of them. I won’t mention names, but they can be quite loud. There are times when a certain Full story

2011 Mar 17 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - My Knuckle Sandwich Recipes

It's no secret that Ron has one hell of a knuckle game. When you grow up in New York City being able to throw down is just as important as knowing how to ride the subw… Full story

2011 Mar 10 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - The Internet Has Made Everyone a Sociopath

Earlier this week my editor asked me to talk about people who leave negative comments on my posts, but since I do not care about those sad humans whatsoever, I have nothing to… Full story

2011 Feb 17 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - My Pussy Makes My Boyfriend Sneeze

This week our accounts receivable manager is presented with a female-cum-feline Catch-22: A gal who just adopted a cute li’l kitty and her severely dander-allergic beau. Full story

2011 Feb 10 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Ronageddon Is Near

Ron is everyone's brother, but that doesn't mean he won't fight you. Photo illustration by Mickey Cuthbertson In the Bible it says that no one is e… Full story

2011 Feb 3 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - The State of My Union

Earlier this week when I was settling down to play some Black Ops, I happened to turn on the TV and realize Obama was talking. I said to myself, “OK, I’ll Full story

2011 Jan 27 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - What's Up With "The Media"?

Ron with Vice advertising director Shanon Kelley. She wears her Hey Ron! shirt at least four times a week. Ron becomes more popular Full story

2011 Jan 20 Ron Hemphill

5

8
A Hey Ron! Birthday

Today is my birthday. I was hoping Vice would schedule the Christmas party on my birthday like they have for the past four or five years. This year the party is Monday… Full story

2010 Dec 16 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Year End Reviews

It’s that time of year again. No, we’re not talking about “the holidays.” If you work an office job, chances are your yearly performance reviews are jus… Full story

2010 Dec 9 Ron Hemphill

5

8
A Hey Ron! Thanksgiving

For the first time in 11 years I’m going to spend Thanksgiving with my immediate family, which means they are my relatives by blood, not marriage. There’s going to be a lea… Full story

2010 Nov 24 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Don't Fart Where You Eat

We planned on discussing the elections with Ron this week, but something much more important popped up. Yes, someone sent Ron the video of the kid who was reprimanded with d… Full story

2010 Nov 4 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! – “Kenny Powers Sucks”

When the first advance copies of The Larfs Issue arrived at Vice HQ, our man Ron was perplexed. “Who is that… Full story

2010 Oct 22 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! When's the Robot Revolution?

Considering how "tech" is "so cool" "right now," it's only natural that some of the more paranoid members of the human race are worried that… Full story

2010 Sep 9 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! I'm About to Have a Baby Mama

Hey Ron! Glad you're back. It was perfect timing because I have a serious problem. Full story

2010 Aug 27 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! Hiatus

You might have noticed that our Hey Ron! column has ben conspicuously absent these past two weeks. Full story

2009 Nov 11 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - My Dad Swiped My Weed

Full story

2009 Sep 22 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - My Dad's a Bigoted Bastard

UH to t… Full story

2009 Sep 15 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - My Girl's a Flirt

Yest… Full story

2009 Sep 9 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - How Do I Look Good for a Beating?

We have a s… Full story

2009 Aug 11 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Bigotry Is For Losers

Full story

2009 Jun 9 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Some Fatherly Advice

Another week, m… Full story

2009 May 26 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Is My Hoop Dream a Pipe Dream?

This week&#… Full story

2009 May 19 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Help me Dress Myself

It's Tuesday afte… Full story

2009 May 12 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Homies Don't Understand

This week’s ins… Full story

2009 May 5 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - My Dad Is Holding Me Back, Not the Handcuffs

Last week … Full story

2009 Apr 28 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - New York

Hello dear readers, w… Full story

2009 Apr 21 Ron Hemphill

5

8
Hey Ron! - Puff Puff I'll Pass

First of all does anybody know how 4/20 became dedicated to smoking weed? I work for Vice, so it's 4/20 every day, which is why it doesn't matter that this post is going up on 4/21. A lot of people around the world celebrate April 20th though, because weed Full story

2008 Jul 3 Ron Hemphill

5

8

Embed the VICE Feed

Your VICE.COM feed code:

Okay

Follow

Follow us on Tumblr

Subscribe on YouTube

Recommended on Facebook

Dos & Don'ts

More DOs & DON'Ts

Recent Videos

More From VICE