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      We Are Not Men

      Desperation is mostly inseparable from masculinity.

      By John Saward Jul 17, 2014

      Only Blog Can Judge Me

      Promotional materials for the Broadway musical Holler if Ya Hear Me declare that it is "inspired by the work of Tupac Shakur." This is not accurate. Holler is not Tupac's work come to life; it is his work stuffed in a museum. It is TUPAC: TH…

      By John Saward Jul 17, 2014
      By John Saward Jun 13, 2014

      Your Dad Is Disappointed

      Fathers see things tattooed deep within, all that is wrong with you. And they see the good, too, things that are subtle, because they are always searching, always trying to find out why you are the way you are.

      By John Saward Jun 13, 2014
      By John Saward Mar 12, 2014

      King of New Yawk: Mike Francesa and Loud Noises

      Mike Francesa exists to exceed things. He does not "think" or "believe" or "have opinions"; he recites the indisputable principles of Mike Francesa's universe, of which he is the sole architect. If you told him that there was a Mount Rushmore of radio hos…

      By John Saward Mar 12, 2014
      By John Saward Dec 18, 2013

      Maurtified

      It is a Wednesday night in early December, and I am waiting in the lobby of the Rich Forum Theatre in Stamford, Connecticut, because I am here to see a taping of Maury, because I am an American, and gawking at the calamitous decisions of strangers

      By John Saward Dec 18, 2013
      By John Saward Nov 15, 2013

      Joe Frazier Is Dead; Long Live Joe Frazier

      Frazier believed in a cold pursuit of something; his objective was not to proselytize but to give himself over to the sport. Not to transcend it or to reshape it but to be consumed by it, to thrive within its merciless structure. To beat Ali, he said, he

      By John Saward Nov 15, 2013
      By John Saward Aug 27, 2013

      A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

      The title of one of Richard La Ruina's e-books is How to Make Your Move With Zero Chance of Rejection. I haven't read it, though I assume it just contains a list of the trunk dimensions in every car manufactured since 1974.

      By John Saward Aug 27, 2013
      By John Saward Aug 8, 2013

      Scott Disick: American Psycho

      We first encountered Scott Disick in 2007, four minutes into the series premiere of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, a show about sunglasses, insincerity, and women exiting sport-utility vehicles. In the vacuum-sealed, deliberately enunciated info…

      By John Saward Aug 8, 2013
      By John Saward Jul 19, 2013

      Land of the Free, Home of the Cave

      Man caves still exist and civilization is worse off for it. They are the male ethos writ large: no ambitions beyond hiding in a place surrounded by miniscule triumphs and pedestrian hobbies, while females are present only in two dimensions on a television…

      By John Saward Jul 19, 2013
      By John Saward Jun 27, 2013

      Standing on Your Lawn Shouting His Own Name

      Kanye went from backpacker to Jumbotron rock star to messianic figure. He wanted to get Jay-Z's attention, then to rise in the sky at Coachella, then to be Steve Jobs. This was his career trajectory. Kanye doesn't want to take over the world. He wants to…

      By John Saward Jun 27, 2013
      By John Saward May 29, 2013

      Ryan Lochte Is a Human Jägerbomb

      Ryan Lochte is just barely a person. He is a walking treatise on bro culture: driven only by his basest impulses, no restraint, going hard, going big, getting your back, shredded abs, hot dog/penis jokes, iPhone pictures of friends mid-vomit. He is a deba…

      By John Saward May 29, 2013
      By John Saward May 14, 2013

      The Loveliest Chauvinist

      If the name Andrew Dice Clay has any significance to you, it is, inevitably, as the blockheaded, spectacularly leathered obscenity-dispenser who once looked like some combination of Mad Max and Liberace and who now looks like the guy who lives downstairs

      By John Saward May 14, 2013