Articles by Ellis Jones
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The Cute Show Page!
Hawaiian Monk Seals!
Like many sea-dwelling mammals, Hawaiian monk seals are finding it nearly impossible to live in and around an ocean that has been raped, pillaged, polluted, and generally used as a landfill-cum-toilet by humanity since the halcyon days of the Industrial Revolution. Full story
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I Went to a Private Big Boi Show and Had the Best 45 Minutes of My Life
Big Boi played a private show this past Saturday afternoon at Webster Hall (sponsored by Footaction) and I got to go. I’ve always been a bit more of an Andre fan basically just because I think he’s handsome, but after seeing Big Boi perform I switched teams. Full story
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The Cute Show Page!
Syrian Hamsters
These furry bags of joy love desert climates and stuffing as much food into their cheek pouches as possible—in fact, their Arabic name roughly translates as “Mr. Saddlebags.” Not joking. Full story
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The Cute Show Page!
Wiener Dog Races!
In August, Montreal held its fifth annual wiener-dog race day. Prizes were awarded for the fastest runner, best costume, and bobbing for wieners—that’s like bobbing for apples but with dogs and cocktail wieners, and it’s as amazing as it sounds. Full story
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Lee Fields Has a New Music Video Y’all!
You should just watch the video yourself, but here’s a breakdown of what it contains: super hot girls slithering around in black leotards, dark red lighting, booze, Lee in a sparkling white jacket, a piano, and lots of emotions/heartache/crying. It’s great. Full story
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The Cute Show Page!
Kuppy-Cats!
The room went silent as the scientist slowly opened the cage door and gently removed a two-week-old specimen of his own invention, plainly stating, “Behold the final frontier of cute: the kuppy-cat.” Full story
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Comics
Dog Circus
Japan is home to the Super Wan Wan Dog Circus in Tsukuba City. For more than 50 years, owner Hiroaki Uchida has been rescuing abandoned dogs and training them to perform an assortment of tricks, including balancing on huge plastic balls and walking in a conga line with their fron… Full story
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The Cute Show Page!
Lovely Owls
I think if everyone got his or her own owl to raise we would have world peace in no time. Full story
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Jumping Bunnies
Why isn't there a television channel devoted to broadcasting bunny show jumping 24 hours a day yet? Full story
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Lee, Do You Love Me (Like You Say You Do)?
Lee Fields is the coolest motherfucker to ever sing words into a microphone. I have been pushing his new record, "My World," onto anything with a set of ears. Full story
The Wizard of the Saddle Rides Again
The Dark Specter of History in Memphis
Hung Like a Gastropod
The Rigors of a Snail-Genital Illustrator
Topless Jihad
Hanging Out with the Ladies of Femen
This Is What Winning Looks Like
Chaos and Corruption in Afghanistan
James Franco on 'Gatsby'
Great Book, Good Film
Suck on the Monolith
ABC Family Hires the Best Writers