A Polio-Like Illness Has Affected Children in California

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Whenever a blogger looks at his statistics for the month, realizes he isn't hitting his monthly goal, and decides to waste ten minutes farting out a listicle about “The 27 Greatest Achievements in the History of Mankind,” he's obliged to list Jonas Salk, the inventor of the polio vaccine. Thanks to Jonas, an epidemic that reached 58,000 cases in America, including 3,145 deaths, in 1952 was down to 223 cases worldwide in 2012, despite the attack of Jenny McCarthy. Unfortunately, all Jonas's blog applause may be a tad ahead of itself, because a polio-like illness has been found in children in California. Thank you, everyone who decided to take parenting advice from Jim Carey's ex-girlfriend instead of scientists!

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Looks like somebody sent a copy of 2001: A Space Odyssey to the United Arab Emirates, because the country's General Authority of Islamic Affairs and Endowments has gotten scared enough of space travel to issue an official fatwa against Muslims attempting to travel to Mars. “It is not permissible to travel to Mars and never to return if there is no life on Mars,” the GAIAE said in a statement according to CNN. “The chances of dying are higher than living.” Whoever gave the group 2001: A Space Odyssey should refrain from giving them a copy of Stephen King's Christine, so they don't urge Muslims to stop driving cars. More importantly, Christine is a terrible movie, and nobody should have to watch it.

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Here are a few questions about Australia's weird decision to ban the Swedish art film Children's Island because it shows a kid's boner: If they really think it's child porn, shouldn't they arrest the director, producer, and distributor? Or if they only think it's gross, shouldn't they keep their mouths shut, because a smart government keeps out of arguments about taste? Hasn't history shown that virtually every piece of artwork that gets banned by a government ends up having a second, greater life as a cult classic? If you think perverts are going to use a tiny clip of a boy's dong as jerk-off material, you shouldn't alert everyone who forgot about the movie (a.k.a. everyone) that it exists.

Photo via Flickr user Chris Gladis

Look up! Not that high. Down a bit, like almost where you started. Now look up a tad above the screen at your computer's webcam that's constantly staring at you. Now stare into it and wave. There's a good chance you made a military surveillance person's day! No, the Guardian's new report that the GCHQ, Britain's surveillance agency, stored millions of people's personal webcam photos doesn't mean someone's watching your every move from that tiny camera, but if you read a news flash in 2019, on whatever dumb thing you're going to be wearing on your head in a few years, that the government is using a device to spy on you, don't be surprised.

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