Secrets of the Brisbane G-20 Leaders! Exposed!

On Monday, The Guardian revealed that prior to the G20 summit in Brisbane, the personal details of the world leaders attending the event were exposed when an employee accidentally mistyped a name into the "to" field, and autocorrect assumed they were sending an email to the organisers of the Asian Cup football tournament.

After accidentally sending the email, the employee then inadvertently screenshotted all of the materials, unintentionally uploaded them to Instagram, and then unwittingly created a bunch of memes highlighting the bullet points.

Luckily, the Department of Immigration, Border Control and Email Boo-Boos was able to walk back the mistake, easily deleting the information from all the computers that had received it. It's much easier than people think.

But thanks to George Brandis's new Freedom of Everybody Else's Information Act, VICE has been able to obtain the leaked documents. It's diplomatically dicey territory, which is why we're hitting publish on this now before the lawyers tell us not to. Everything appears exactly as it was leaked, save for the missile codes to the countries we like, which we have redacted by changing the text colour to white on a white background. We ask you to please not swipe-to-reveal.

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From: [ironically withheld]

To: Asian Cup Organising Committee

Subject: snesitive world leder info

Dear Ms Asia Ncupor Ganisingcom-Mittef, Apologies if I didn't spell your name right. I hope that you, the chief security co-ordinator for the G-20 summit, do not hold that against me. Please find attached the personal details for the first batch of leaders flying in. As always, we ask that if you're not sure which world leader is privy to our upcoming missile strikes on Lebanon, it's probably best not to bring it up at all. David Cameron (UK) Dietary requests: Soft boiled tea. Bedroom: Mr Cameron's assistant wants to underline that "Queen-sized bed" is to be taken literally, and that Her Majesty's exact measurements will be sent along later in a more secure communiqué. (I know, I know: more secure than this? They're so paranoid.) Diplomatic attaché: Mr Cameron is to be greeted at the airport by a diplomatic attaché who claims to be the son or daughter of one of Mr Cameron's old school chums. Over the course of the weekend, Mr Cameron would like the attaché to slowly assume a foreign accent (German, Russian, Catholic) and confess that they were a spy the whole time, at which point Mr Cameron will engage them in hand-to-hand combat. The attaché, badly wounded, is to escape out the window, but not before glancing back at Mr Cameron in a wistful manner that suggests that, in another time, in another place, they might have been friends. Other requirements: Mr Cameron would like it known that he regularly spends time with Jeremy Clarkson. Angela Merkel (Germany) Dietary requests: one thousands flavourless M&Ms. Hotel staff: Any hotel staff not already robots are required to dress up as one and move in a stilted, awkward manner, devoid of any emotion. (Robotic devoid of emotion, not German devoid of emotion. They can tell the difference.) Please don't ask questions, apparently it's a real thing. If Ms Merkel attempts to program any of the disguised human staff to feel happiness, they are to feign said emotion upon the third attempt. Other requirements: Chancellor Merkel has requested the other European countries be advised that they are no longer to tell the front desk that Germany will be covering their bill. Barack Obama (USA?) Dietary requests: Inspirational grapefruit, eggs with gravitas. Security clearance: President Obama's advance team has flagged that a whole bunch of drones will be flying about Brisbane for the duration of the summit and no longer than that, although maybe a year or two. Actually, definitely five years. Call it twenty tops. Gift bag: President Obama has requested the traditional gift bag for the trip home include 319 million bandages, 319 million doses of pain medication, and 319 million wheelchairs. He says he's feeling a slight headache coming on. Other requirements: Please stop asking him about pardoning Adnan Syed. Vladmir Putin (Russia) Dietary requests: bears, tigers, Estonians. Laundry services: Not needed. To thwart any potential shirt-fronting incidents with the PM, President Putin has decided to paint a shirt onto his bare flesh. The Russian delegation has also requested that nothing decorative be pinned to his chest during the event. Bathroom: Five crocodiles of moderate wrestling size. Xi Jinping (China) Dietary requests: Anything but Chinese food. Diplomatic notes: When he's with us, he feels naked and sacred. And this world can be so cold. He wants to hold us naked and sacred till he grows old. What does love mean? Can love last? He asks himself these questions, haunted by the past. He's walked these city streets. He's known victories and defeats. Searching, hoping, just barely coping. Baby, he wants to be good for us, he wants to be true. Does not know how he'd live with himself if he ever hurt us. Since he met us, his life's changed. He feels like a bird that's been let out of its cage. Our hand is healing him our love is filling him. When we go away, our heart(s) still in him. Other requirements: President Xi Jinping has requested the following topics not be brought up during the conference: Tibet, Uyghurs, Tiananmen Square, Turkestan, Taiwan, Dalai Llama, other llamas, capitalism, democracy, freedom, oppression, not-being-oppressed, not-not-being-unoppressed, training pandas as cuddly spies, any season of West Wing after Aaron Sorkin left, Rush Hour 3, humorous fortune cookie messages, Beijing's thermal exhaust port weakness, the number 20 and the word "summit". Thank you again, Asia. Remember, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to email myself, Alf Gran-Daflin or Natalie Pressclub. Cheers, Thea Guordine Follow Lee on Twitter: @leezachariah