Even For Australia, Last Week Was Pretty Racist

Image by Ben Thomson

Australia is the world’s great melting pot, made up of people from every country, every colour, and every creed. We’re a diverse group of multiculturalists who came together with one shared dream: to steal a continent from the people who had been living here for fifty thousand years.

Which is why it’s disappointing that we’re constantly being mistaken for racists, simply because we’re seen to “judge” or “discriminate” against “other people” on the basis of their “race”. If that was what we were really doing, I’d hardly have put some of those words in quotes, would I?

So maybe it’s time to provide some context and explain some misconstrued comments that have been making the news.

Clive Palmer

On the most recent episode of the ABC’s Q&A, Palmer United Party head Clive Palmer controversially referred to “Chinese mongrels”. He later clarified his comments, saying that he was actually referring to a specific Chinese company that is, “taking Australian resources and not paying”.

Dictionary.com defines “mongrel” as “of mixed breed, nature or origin”. Given the company Clive was referring to is no doubt made up of many different people with distinct natures and origins, it is perfectly acceptable to use “mongrel” in this fashion. If you instantly inferred a derogatory meaning, then the fault is with your own racist brain, in which case you owe Clive—an erudite man who always considers the etymology of every word he uses—an apology.

Forbes and Burton café

This café in Darlinghurst came under fire recently when the owner refused to hire a black Brazilian barista on the basis of his colour. “There are a lot of white customers at the café,” the owner told The Daily Mail, “and I think the clients here want local people, not African people.”

Many people were upset by these comments, but let’s look at it in context. The African barista in question—who hails from Brazil, part of the little-known “South America” region of Africa—simply wouldn’t have the cultural background to understand coffee. Coffee beans come from places like the UK, Finland, and Antarctica. And hey, we’re probably within a few years of genetically engineering a white coffee bean, which will make everyone a lot more comfortable.

Who’s ever heard of “Brazilian coffee beans”? Nobody, that’s who.

Team Australia

Prime Minister Tony Abbott called the Islamic Council of Victoria “petty” and “foolish” when it boycotted a meeting with him, following Abbott’s call for the Muslim community to join “Team Australia”. In an interview with Macquarie Radio, Abbott said: “Everyone has got to put this country, its interests, its values and its people first, and you don’t migrate to this country unless you want to join our team.”

Astonishingly, some people considered this racist, simply because he started from the premise that the Muslims community was not already on Team Australia, or that anyone who identified as Muslim must automatically be a migrant.

These are totally reasonable assumptions to make, and expecting local Muslims to apologise every time a foreign Muslim commits an act of terror is totally fine. It can hardly be considered “racial profiling” simply because it’s the exact definition of that phrase.

Andrew Bolt

I know, I know. The moment you saw Andrew Bolt’s name there, you were like, “Whoa, someone must have done something racist, and Andrew Bolt probably took them to task on it, because why else would he be a sub-heading in an article about racism?” And you’d be right.

Andrew Bolt has this week criticised Qantas for a campaign in which it supports constitutional recognition of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders. “It’s racist because anything that divides us on the grounds of our so-called race or the race of one or more of our ancestors is of course racist,” he said in an interview with NITV news, adding, “Racist race race racism racist racy-race”.

Aboriginals and Torres Strait Islanders, who receive special treatment and are renowned for holding every significant position of power in Australia, are also racist for considering themselves “indigenous Australians”. As Bolt pointed out, he is himself is an indigenous Australian, single-handedly destroying the concept of racism with a single blow.

Many people, including Dr Craig Emerson, have responded by calling Bolt himself racist, but that’s just because Bolt is so un-racist, he’s actually curved around beyond your line of sight. It’s like if someone laps you on a racing track, it may look like they’re behind you, but actually they’re so far ahead of you, it’s your perspective that’s skewed. And as an indigenous Australian, Bolt is a very fast runner.

In conclusion

Relax! You can head into the week in the comfort that, despite the overwhelming evidence, Australia has no institutional racism problem at all. That things, that may appear racist, are actually fine if you employ a certain degree of explanatory contortions and technical loopholes.

We are a nation of anti-racists, of people so blind to colour and creed, we can’t even fathom the concept of racial sensitivity when running blindly into controversial topis. That’s how open-minded we are.

So next time you worry that Australia is a land of bigots, remember Andrew Bolt running around that racially indistinct track, and ask yourself: who is the real racist? The racist, or the racist who races the racist?

Follow Lee on Twitter.