How to Not Get Fat Through Rap

By Kathy Iandoli

So I came across this weird music video slash cartoon last night and it said that if you take 80 bites of your food then your stomach will be too full to overeat. The video is about this rapping stomach named Sam. “I represent the folks in the lower intestine,” he rhymes, before rattling off suggestions on how to not get fat through a rap song. There are some oddly helpful tips like how fruits and vegetables take up space in your stomach too so don’t try to OD on them because you’re still packing food into your stomach. That was one of them. Sam the Stomach also suggests eating watercress, but that tastes like a bitter peppered shrub to me, so I didn’t write that one down. The one tip that resonated though was the 80 bites when eating, which I think was the whole point of the viral video anyway. I tried taking 80 bites of my dinner, but I got exhausted. I was wearing sweatpants too. What a sad life I lead.

Things get super weird in the video though when the tempting pancakes sound like a cross between the Notorious B.I.G. and Rick Ross. Then Sam the Stomach says to eat the pancakes and shits on fad diets. I mean they do suck, but don’t have Biggie’s voice represent food, guys. Above all things, this cartoon is a call to action against the “Lard Nation.” Sam the Stomach says to stop dieting and start chewing more. Oh and there’s also an “80 Bites” iTunes app for all you people who can’t count. I googled this 80 bites thing and it’s actually real. Apparently you can retrain yourself to eat better if you follow this 80 bites method. So try it. You even have a Hip-Hop song now to help you out, and Hip-Hop helps you do a lot of things. Like pop Molly. The end.

@kath3000

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