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The Chimp Personhood Lawsuit Just Got Thrown Out

A New York judge's ruling today is a big setback for the chimps-are-people movement.

Photo via Flickr user Rennett Stowe

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A judge on Thursday threw out a lawsuit that attempted to secure the release of two captive chimpanzees on the basis that they deserve to be recognized as people. Barbara Jaffe, a New York State Supreme Court Justice, issued the final ruling. Jaffe oversaw all of the proceedings in this recent case involving two lab chimps at Stony Brook University named Hercules and Leo.

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In April, Jaffe accidentally triggered internet excitement when her ruling was interpreted as a writ of habeas corpus, a legal recognition of the right to have a day in court. Since only humans have such legal rights in the American justice system, that would have been massive. She later amended her May 6 order to remove the phrase "writ of habeas corpus," a move that quashed any notion of a personhood precedent.

Representatives of Stony Brook University, who want to keep their chimps locked up, and representatives of the Nonhuman Rights Project (NRP), who say that chimps are people squared off in court on May 27. Much of the NRP's argument was articulated in stodgy legalese, but they touched on slavery, abortion, and Guantanamo detainees to spice things up. The NRP also pointed out that pets can inherit their owners' money in the State of New York, and that "The only one who could do that would be a 'person.'"

It didn't work. Today's ruling tossed out the lawsuit. But Jaffe didn't take a totally hard line against animal personhood as a concept. In her ruling, she seemed downright conflicted, pointing out that in the past, only "Caucasian male, property-owning citizens were entitled to the full panoply of legal rights under the United States Constitution."

She also tacked on a 2003 quote from Justice Antony Kennedy, lamenting a ruling that didn't further the cause of gay rights: "Times can blind us to certain truths, and later generations can see that laws once thought necessary and proper in fact serve only to oppress."

She did not, however, quote the extremely relevant film Ted 2—a recent courtroom drama/jizz comedy starring Mark Wahlberg, about a sentient Teddy Bear who sues to have his personhood recognized. Ted (Spoiler) wins on the basis of self-awareness and "capacity for empathy," both of which have been demonstrated in chimps. Sadly, movie courtroom scenes are still not legally binding.

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