Sometimes when I watch porn, I believe that the dude is inlove with the woman. This happens when the movie features an eye-gazing, mouthkissing, pussy-eating bro, like James Deen, who is so attentive and sensual asto seem obsessed. It makes me sad, then, when I see James show the same levelof devotion to hundreds of other women in other vids. I'm like,_Wait! Stay obsessed with the first one. _I was pretending she was me.__
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The other day I was browsing Pornhub, preparing tomasturbate, when I found a scene where Jamesfucks his "girlfriend's mom." Through the tabs, I discovered thatthe female lead isMelissa Monet, who also stars in a lost favorite of mine: Milf Melissa and Her Hot Teen Daughter Missy Share Cock. (Those links are very NSFW, obvs.)Milf Melissaand Her Hot Teen Daughter Missy Share Cockis a movie I used tomasturbate to on the reg. I loved this movie, because I have mommy issues and MelissaMonet plays the ultimate hot nurturer: patient, generous, kind. Also, she isJewish like me, so in my fantasies she could actually be my mother.When I masturbate to porn, I don't just masturbate to porn.I have a very tangential mind that asks a lot of questions, which is probablywhy it takes me, like, three years to have an orgasm. I was able to track downMelissa Monet and ask her some of my questions about emotional attachment, vulnerability,and what love even is.So Sad Today: The scene you did with James Deen was so beautiful. Like,all that kissing and eye-gazing. Did you feel any sadness or emotionalattachment after it was over? And, if not you, do you think the character youwere playing would feel any emotional attachment after? The next time she seeshim with her daughter will she be jealous or feel a pang of longing? Doyou think she will want him to text her? Or was it just completely, purely
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physical for her and a one time thing?Melissa Monet: There was a big backstory to my scene with JamesDeen. As I have different roles behind the scenes, a lot of the actors andactresses didn't know that I was also a performer. I was technically notin front of the camera for 12 years, so up until that point, James only knew meas a producer. It was strange, even awkward for me, which he seemed to revelin. Thinking back, it created a sexual tension and anticipation not oftenseen in this type of situation. The scene itself was very personal—hewhispered to me, called me by my real name, and cared more about my pleasurethan about the scene. I didn't feel any emotional attachment or sadnessafterwards. Perhaps in my younger days I might have, but definitely not at thetime.As for my character, I would think she wouldhave felt a deep emotional attachment. She cheated on her husband andbetrayed her daughter, both of whom she was supposed to have loved. Thereshould be deep regret and an attachment to the person you are throwing all thataway for. I don't know about the jealousy part. I think maybe a little,but with guilt thrown in. Her need is to be with a younger man who findsher desirable, a man who excites her and brings her to orgasm in a fury thatshe no longer experiences with her husband. She would want him to texther, call her, and pursue her in any way possible just because her ego would
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require it.In my fantasies, James's character would become emotionallyattached to your character as well. But in reality, it seems likely that shewould ultimately—if not quickly—have her heart broken. The track record forolder women and much younger men isn't great in terms of lasting love.How am I to differentiate between love and lust in my own life, andin my own heart, when great works of art and great works of female-friendlyporn inspire me to want a lasting love with the intensity of a short-livedscene? It sounds like it is possible—as a woman—to experience profoundsex with another person in ways that are deeply intimate, whispery, firstname-calling, without becoming emotionally attached. I'm wondering what age haschanged for you.Are there statistics on older women/younger men relationships? How do youknow it doesn't always pan out? From what I know (I don't date youngermen), most of the women feel insecure… others prefer that the guy not beyounger than their children (for obvious reasons). I think it's toocomplicated to actually have a theory about it. I always wonder what wewould talk about… our music tastes are probably different, school and timelineexperiences, etc.I think a lot of peoplehave a hard time distinguishing between love and lust/possession/desire. Love plays in all of those things and vice versa, not always in a sexual way,but everyone wants something out of it, even if it's just love… though that is
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never enough, is it?I can't speak foreveryone, but when you have that lust/passion/love triangle and also manage tolike and be compatible with that person, it's pretty spectacular. Howrealistic is it? Hard to say. When you're in the middle of the peakof the relationship, it's all rosy and the beginning should be intense andamazing, but somewhere at the drop (and they all drop) disappointment sets inand then disillusionment. How long and when depends on the individualsand how hard they latch on to that one portion of the relationship where it wasphenomenal.Sex without emotional attachment is relative. Who's tosay there isn't an emotional attachment all the time? It might be veryshort lived or perhaps fizzle out with a word or action that gets in your crawand snaps you back to reality. Women who can have sex this way usuallypick a pet peeve and give themselves an excuse to kick the person to the curb.I don't have anystatistics about older women and younger men, other than what I've experienced in myown life and amongst my friends. In a lot of these situations, it seems like the women don't evennecessarily want to be in a committed relationship with the men. A relationship wouldprobably be a disaster. But we want the assurance that we could have acommitted relationship if we wanted it.I think that the desireto be irresistible is one of the top turn-ons for many women—regardless of our
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age or the age of our sexual partners. In the bookA Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the Internet Tells Us About SexualRelationships(one of my favorites) the authors talk about the idea of the"magic hoo-hoo" and its prevalence in romance novels, wherein the male herogets "one taste" of the heroine's vagina and he becomes emotionally, and physically,hooked on her. Perhaps this is part of James's popularity as a performeramongst women. He looks hooked.I've also read that cis women release the bondinghormone, oxytocin, when we have an orgasm, whereas cis men do not (though I'vecertainly gotten attached to people with whom I've faked orgasms or had noorgasms). There have been so many times that I've gone into a sexual situationwith the intent that I am not going to get attached, but if the sex was good—orthe person was hot and just a good kisser—I got attached. I feel like mychemistry betrays me!Have you ever gotten emotionallyattached to one of your co-stars? Or have you seen it happen when you were indirecting or producing roles?I personally have not and I have a fairly strict policy ofnot shitting where I eat as far as talent goes. I did it once with a maleperformer (the very first week I came into the biz… great guy and great fun)and once with a female performer (within the first year of being in the biz… psycho and not fun). I have seen it a couple of times within the performers, but it
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really runs the gamut and some people just wear their hearts on their sleeves.
I want to say that one thing I loveabout you as an actress is that your orgasms seem real to me. I like that you closeyour eyes and look lost in your own world. I can't have an orgasm withoutclosing my eyes and going into my own little world, so when that's mirrored tome as an "OK" thing to do—to dissociate a little, even with a partner—it makesme feel better about myself.Often, when I watch straight porn, the actresses presentthemselves as so easily orgasmic, whereas it takes me, like, at least 30minutes of sustained cunnilingus and/or me touching myself or using my vibratorto have an orgasm with another person. Are your orgasms onscreen real or fake?Do you have trouble letting go? Or are you super orgasmic in real life?Thank you! I don't fake my orgasms, but I don't haveto, I can literally come at the drop of a hat. Even if I get distracted, itmight delay it, but it doesn't change much.I am so jeal. I wonder if the easewith which one comes has anything to do with self-esteem. Like, feeling worthyof receiving pleasure. It seems like you have a lot of confidence. I feel likeit takes a lot of confidence to be in the seductress role, as you are inMilf Melissa and Her Hot Teen Daughter MissyShare Cock.One might think that Missy is ostensibly more vulnerable,because she is younger and less experienced. Yet to me, the role of the seductress
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is more vulnerable, because I fear rejection. Obviously, in porn, no one getsrejected. But can you talk about what it's like to play the role of an olderpursuer and instigator, rather than the pursued.
For me it's not aboutconfidence… if that was the case I would not come as easily. It's really aboutphysiology. My nerve endings are extremely close to the surface so I don't needa lot of stimulation, nor do I need hard or heavy stimulation. I can't usea Hitachi or play on a Symbian for more than a few seconds, it's a waste for me andtakes away the build up of my pleasure. With every great thing comes acurse… LOL.I think you are confusingconfidence with too many variables. A lot of seductresses are extremelyinsecure. They use the seductive trait as a way to distract themselvesfrom their shyness or insecurities. I may be a totally different animal,as I just go and try not to think. If I did I may not have the confidence to bewith anyone.While you would think porn doesn't have rejection, it mostcertainly does. I have faced it twice, both with loserperformers. One was high and tried to use me as his scapegoat as to why hecouldn't get hard. It was unfortunate for him that I had performed withthe director many times when he was talent and he loved fucking me. Theother was when I first came back after a 12-year hiatus. Some newer losersaid he couldn't get hard because I was too old and gross. I heard him
For me it's not aboutconfidence… if that was the case I would not come as easily. It's really aboutphysiology. My nerve endings are extremely close to the surface so I don't needa lot of stimulation, nor do I need hard or heavy stimulation. I can't usea Hitachi or play on a Symbian for more than a few seconds, it's a waste for me andtakes away the build up of my pleasure. With every great thing comes acurse… LOL.I think you are confusingconfidence with too many variables. A lot of seductresses are extremelyinsecure. They use the seductive trait as a way to distract themselvesfrom their shyness or insecurities. I may be a totally different animal,as I just go and try not to think. If I did I may not have the confidence to bewith anyone.While you would think porn doesn't have rejection, it mostcertainly does. I have faced it twice, both with loserperformers. One was high and tried to use me as his scapegoat as to why hecouldn't get hard. It was unfortunate for him that I had performed withthe director many times when he was talent and he loved fucking me. Theother was when I first came back after a 12-year hiatus. Some newer losersaid he couldn't get hard because I was too old and gross. I heard him
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behind my back say all kinds of asshole shit. I refused to finish thescene and walked out. I almost didn't perform again because of it, butthe next scene was the one with James Deen.Yes, you're right. I think seduction can definitely be usedto cover up insecurities in other areas. I've definitely sent some of myfilthiest sexts when I felt the most needy. Like, if a bro isn't texting back,I know I can get him to text me back if I hit him with the nudes or the hotsexts. But then where does that get me? It only recently dawned on me thatusing sex to get attention just means that dudes want sex. Like, it isn't thathard to get that kind of attention. I think I used to get way more validationout of it, particularly if the dude was a lot younger, because I saw it as an"I've still got it" thing. Now I'm kind of like, "Got what? He'd probably fuckanybody."What I meant by no rejection in porn is that the viewernever sees it. But those experiences sound painful. But speaking of theinability to get it up, I have one last question from a guy friend. I told himit's a dumb question, but he's like "When are you going to have this resourceagain?" He wants to know how the dudes in porn stay hard for so long withoutcoming? (Of course he does.)How the guys stay hardruns the gamut… some are just naturals, some are automatons, some take a lot oftime or breaks, some don't do so well under pressure or only do well under
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certain circumstances, and some use medical help (Viagra and the like). Itdepends on so many things. And most of the guys don't last as long as itseems, there is something called "movie magic," you only see what wewant you to see.MelissaMonetis a porn star, writer, director, and producer, among many other things.She loves animals, sci-fi, and the New York Rangers.So Sad Today is a never-ending existential crisis played out in 140 characters or less. Its anonymous author has struggled with consciousness since long before the creation of the Twitter feed in 2012, and has finally decided the time has come to project her anxieties on a larger screen, in the form of a biweekly column on this website.