Trey Songz, Here Are 23 Things That Are Worse Than Being Gay

Photo via Wikimedia Commons user Eva Rinaldi

Going to high school and college in Ohio, I got called "gay" and "faggot" more times than I'd like to remember. I suspect a lot of it had to do with jealousy over the way I carried myself and the company I kept: I wasn't afraid to show love to my homies who liked to bump booties and always swagged out with slim-fitting gear when most dudes were still unironically wearing tall Ts and sagging their pants. Eventually, I just started to take being called "gay" as a backhanded compliment, because it often came from ignorant, insecure dudes with no style or culture. It's fucked up that people would use the quality of being gay as an attack, but they suck anyway, so fuck them.

On the other hand, if you react in disgust when someone calls you gay, that makes you just as shitty because it's basically like saying being gay is disgusting. For example, I don't get upset when Mexican people speak to me in Spanish at the grocery store or on the street. I love Mexican culture—their women are beautiful, and their food is banging. So when someone mistakes me for being Mexican, I'm actually a little flattered that they think I share their storied heritage. In the same vein, why would I get upset if someone called me gay when I have mad love for gay dudes? Almost all of my heroes are homos: James Baldwin, William S. Burroughs, Truman Capote, etc.  If someone mistook me for sharing a quality with one of those badass motherfukers, how could I get butthurt about it?

So when I saw Trey Songz bug out over a few tweets after the parody site Huzlers.com ran a joke article about him liking the cock, I got bummed out. I felt it was a missed opportunity for him to drop some knowledge. It would be nice to see more prominent straight dudes like Trey Songz respond to accusations of being gay with a shoulder shrug and a simple "What difference does it make, bruh?" instead of all the weird, panicked indignation. In reality, there's a lot of worse things to be in this world than gay. Here are a few of them.

It Would Be Better to Be Gay Than to Be:

Living in Florida

Addicted to coffee enemas

In line at the DMV

Getting a root canal

Mimi from the Drew Carey Show's tampon

Photo via Wikimedia Commons user The Ratt

Beetlejuice, a.k.a. Lester Napoleon Green

In debt to NYU

A content-farm writer making $0.01 a word

A woman in Egypt, right now

Al Roker's toilet brush

The guy in the Bruce Springsteen song "The River"

Watching Two and a Half Men

Theon Greyjoy in Game of Thrones 

A masseur in a retirement community

Chris Christie's tighty whiteys

Listening to Phish's Rift

Bono's stylist

Reading Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop website

Vacationing in Carcosa

A geniophobic, afraid of chins

Kurt Cobain's brain matter

Photo via Wikimedia Commons via user WorkerBee

Eating Paula Deen's pussy (and/or food)

Writing songs with the strained obviousness of "Panty Wetter"

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