New Zealanders Tell Us What Film to Watch to Get Laid

Netflix-and-chill has become a euphemism so ubiquitous that the cliché has spawned countless memes, condoms and even a themed Airbnb suite. Essentially, the pre-hookup hang process when both of you know what's supposed to be happening but neither is making it happen can be a delicate charade. While you're thrust into find-a-movie-to-watch-in-the-meantime mode, there's always the chance you might freak out your potential mate by choosing an objectively-shit film with zero sense of irony. Your choice may even have a dramatic influence over the chances of you hitting it a second time round.

To find out we asked some "come over for a movie" aficionados if the Netflix part of the equation indeed matters as much as the chill. Which film hit the sweet spot and which sent them away screaming?

Hey Rob*, what was the last movie a girl put on for you when you came over?
It was this girl from Tinder. I went over there, it was all good. Banter was fine, we got on quite well. Then she asked what movie I wanted to watch and I said I didn't mind so she was like "sweet, do you want to watch Superbad?" That should've been my first warning sign.

What's wrong with Superbad?
It's just not the type of movie that you should put on to create some type of mood. It's light-hearted and funny, but it's just not something I would have watched in that situation. I'm just more into movies that make you think, you know something that you could chat about after. So it's almost like an ice breaker.

So what happened?
Well we got like 20 minutes in and we were both kind of like: "Okay what the fuck are we doing here, we've both seen this movie." She made the first move and it felt kind of planned like not spontaneous at all. That was that.

Did you have to go back to watching the movie?
Yep. It was literally done and we got the laptop off the floor and started watching it again. We finished the movie and I was just like "I've gotta go" and upped and left. Actually it was pretty brutal.

That is brutal! You weren't going to take things further with a girl that put on Superbad?
Yeah exactly, 100 percent.

What's a "come over for a movie" movie that you judged?
Well, Friends with Benefits was the highlight of shit pre-sex movies. To make it worse he kept on talking about the title and saying how it related to our relationship when really we were only ever gonna fuck the once.

He also said "I chose it for you because it's a girly movie," like fuck off mate. Also they were so attractive and had perfect sex so many times in a row and awkward because they found love at end.

Right so you think movie choice connotes intelligence and higher intelligence makes for a better mate long-term.
Yes how can you not? To be honest he didn't wear shoes in public either so I should have known. Generally, unless it's obviously shit—for example me loving Shortland Street. Honestly that's the only movie that's made me question the taste and intelligence of a guy.

Do you love Shortland Street? That's so embarrassing.
I know but I admit it and realise it's shit.

How far into Friends with Benefits did you get?
Watched the whole thing because I was very, very nervous, started pashing in the credits.

That sounds like a nightmare.
Yeah it was gross. He was gross. Who doesn't wear shoes?!

What genre are you most into movie selection-wise pre-hooking up?? What has proved most successful?
Uh comedies, they're funny so it seems as if I'm fun. Aggressively avoid critically acclaimed/literature films to avoid difficult conversations. Comedies hands down have the most success. They usually reference sex anyway to break the old ice. When I went to this guy's place recently I recommended we watch Master of None—Aziz Ansari's acclaimed comedy sitcom. We watched half of one episode.

Really? You wouldn't go for something more romantic to set the mood?
Nah, they're too tacky. These are cool kids Tinder meet-ups–obvious fronts for no strings attached hook-ups but with a little more pride. I never worry about being judged because I know the film will never be completed. Is there a movie choice that would put you off someone?
Like put off seeing them again? Sure, but I wouldn't change my mind after I'm there and cozying up if I've already decided I want to bang them. So what would put you off seeing someone again?
Oh god like new age Disney. Or Mad Max. Actually if someone wanted to watch Lord of the Rings that'd be a nearly immediate tap out.

Lord of the Rings is a national treasure!
Not as an intro for penetration. No sir.

Hey Maddy, does the film matter when you go over to a boy's house to "watch a movie"?
I feel like when you're in a relationship you know that you will always have sex either mid-way through, finish and play the rest of the film or wait until the end then bang. If you're single though and you're getting invited to watch a film I don't think it matters in the slightest what film it is.

So any movie is fine?
I remember one summer I went to a guy's house and he put on Step Brothers and I was like, "What?" But comedy is normal because you wanna break the ice and keep the mood light. If you're there, you're already in the mood to bone! So comedy is just like the washing your hands part before you eat your dinner.

Comedy really? As opposed to a psychological thriller to get the adrenaline pumping?
Think about it, the classic thing to say when you ask somebody what they look for in a partner blah blah, everybody always says humour. So if you're already laughing and smiling with the person before banging them then it probably feels less like a mechanical date.

I don't know man. If a guy I was with put on Step Brothers I think I'd be like "okay, I get it but if this is your idea of top-quality cinema you're obviously immature AF".
Yeah I get what you mean. For me, I would totally judge if they put on like an Adam Sandler film. But I feel like most girls make the decision in the Uber over there if they're gonna hit it. Actually most girls make the decision in the shower the night before when they have their shaver out if you get my drift.

I do indeed get your drift, thanks Maddy. *some names have been changed to avoid embarrassing various Tinder dates

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