What's New in Meat IV
Jul 23 2012
A beefy injection of hot meaty news from our office vegetarian.
THE VEGAS STRIP
Meat enthusiast Tony Mata recently did the unthinkable when he discovered the first new cut of meat in fucking ages. Up to that point, humankind was pretty certain they'd got everything they could from a beef carcass, so the discovery of the Vegas Strip surprised and delighted meat lovers everywhere. The new cut has been well received by a test audience, with special mention made about its tenderness and the fact that it doesn’t need aging or marinating to achieve optimum taste and visual appeal.
Exactly what part of a cow the Vegas Strip comes from hasn’t been revealed, due to a surprising I.P., licencing and patent fracas. However, American suppliers have already been lined up so it shouldn’t be too long before the cut is available all over the world.
MAN VS. MACHINE
The replacement of factory workers with machines has been a hot topic in the meat world for a while now, and it now looks like robots could be cutting in on butchers' turf soon too. Nantsune’s Libra 165C’s robo-butcher is a laser scanner that cuts big pieces of meat into perfect, fixed weight, smaller peices of meat without the need for awkward conversation about sports.
Presently each cut needs to be weighed as it comes off the blade to ensure equal sizes and weights, but the Libra uses a laser to scan and create a 3D model of the meat to judge its shape and calculate the thickness of each slice so they all weigh the same. It cuts up to 100 slices a minute, which is efficient until you see the $160,000 price tag.
BBQ BRIEF CASE
Want to look like a big shot but concerned about being ready to grill at any moment? This is your lucky day. Somebody with your dad’s priorities and a head for design has made the Darwin Triangular BBQ. This portable working BBQ can fit four burgers and packs away into a discrete and stylish case. You can have it all.
THE VEGETARIANISM-INDUCING TICK
If you’ve made it to adulthood and haven’t been put off meat by all the killing floor/processing plant/meat paste/caged babies’ scandals, chances are you’re committed for life. However, it turns out the decision may not actually be up to you, all due to a single tick species.
Researchers at the University of Virginia are studying the Lone Star tick whose saliva can trigger agonizing allergic reactions. Assistant professor of medicine Dr. Scott Commins explains it as, “People will eat meat and then anywhere from three to six hours later start having a reaction; anything from hives to full- blown anaphylactic shock.” The effect was discovered after a bizarre outbreak of meat reactions along the East Coast on the United States. It was later discovered that 90% of those affected had a history of tick bites.
But rest assured, a vaccine is already being developed, although the unusual delayed reaction time of the allergy makes difficult to treat. So until then, probably avoid long grass in shorts if you plan to keep slamming the hamburgers.
Previously - What's New in Meat III
Weediquette: The Weed Industry Luncheon
Henry Rollins Apologized for Being a Dick
The Radioactive Chickens of Ubaté, Colombia
China Is Building a National Operating System to Cut Out Microsoft and Google
I Survived a Khmer Rouge Execution During The Cambodian Genocide
The Woman Who Thinks Reducing the Male Population by 90 Percent Will Solve Everything
What is New Zealand Googling?
Tony Abbott’s Gag Order Reflex