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      David Roth

      By David Roth Jun 8, 2013

      The Least Important Important Thing

      I would not and should not be writing about sports if I didn't think they were a way to better understand and enjoy a complicated moment-to-moment existence—not to mention a pretty righteous excuse to tell that existence to fuck off for a couple hours, be…

      By David Roth Jun 8, 2013
      By David Roth May 31, 2013

      The Joyless Joy of Bad Baseball

      Watch a lousy team on a losing streak, though, and you'll eventually see what baseball skeptics see whenever they watch: a game that's aimless and dull and stilted and long, and which isn't even quick about it. But for months we settle in, drink down the…

      By David Roth May 31, 2013
      By David Roth May 17, 2013

      Hearing the Spurs

      As I age, my ear is retuning itself; I can finally hear something other than "ugh" watching the San Antonio Spurs play, which is cool, except how it parallels suddenly finding a 'Rod Stewart Sings the Standards' record soulful and great.

      By David Roth May 17, 2013
      By David Roth May 10, 2013

      Leave Derrick Rose Alone

      Derrick Rose, who won an MVP award in 2011 then wrecked his ACL and has been out for a year, has spent the last week getting kicked around by tough-guy sportswriters outraged that he's not back on the floor in his Chicago Bulls' series against the Miami H…

      By David Roth May 10, 2013
      By David Roth Apr 26, 2013

      The Last Kings of Sacramento

      On Monday, the Maloofs will find out which of two potential buyers will pay them for the privilege of taking over the Kings, one of the NBA's worst franchises. So let's say goodbye, finally, to this family of avaricious, spray-tanned ghouls.

      By David Roth Apr 26, 2013
      By David Roth Apr 19, 2013

      Why Sports Help

      There is nothing out there on the internet, nothing useful to learn about the Boston bombings, only more of the guilty inertia that leads us to put this shit on in the background in the first place. There's nothing here for us, at the moment. So I'm going…

      By David Roth Apr 19, 2013
      By David Roth Apr 12, 2013

      Building a Better NFL Draft

      The NFL Draft takes three days and involves some of the dumber shout-machines on American television applying the same five adjectives to various muscular men over and over. It is very bad. But it can be better, if only because it can't be worse.

      By David Roth Apr 12, 2013
      By David Roth Apr 3, 2013

      Horrible Bosses

      Rutgers men's basketball coach Mike Rice abused his players. He called them nasty names, hit them, threw balls at their heads, and was a generally awful human being. Now he's fired, and for good reason, but that he was more or less allowed to do these thi…

      By David Roth Apr 3, 2013
      By David Roth Mar 28, 2013

      The Little Gulfy That Could

      If there's a reason to cheer for FGCU—beyond the fact that they're fun as hell to watch—it's for the way they refuse and defuse and otherwise dunk right in the face of all that familiar college hoops sanctimony, simply by being the goofy, grimy Florida-as…

      By David Roth Mar 28, 2013
      By David Roth Mar 15, 2013

      Bill Walton, the Tallest Troll

      During his time in the announcer's booth, Bill Walton has demonstrated both a deep understanding of basketball and a sharp, sometimes vicious, sense of sarcasm. The worse the basketball gets, the better Walton gets at projecting his disdain for it.

      By David Roth Mar 15, 2013
      By David Roth Mar 11, 2013

      Meet the Satire Called the Mets

      Mets fans are not notably smarter or dumber, more or less entitled, or even sadder than the fans of any other flailing team. But thanks to their owners, the Wilpon family, the team's narrative is less a standard Shitty Owner Ruins Team story and more like…

      By David Roth Mar 11, 2013
      By David Roth Mar 1, 2013

      Neon Waters Run Deep

      adidas's new college basketball uniforms are just a dumb thing to look at and crack some jokes about. But the only compensation the athletes wearing them get is the enjoyment of the enhanced comfort provided by the breakthrough wicking polymers.

      By David Roth Mar 1, 2013
      By David Roth Feb 21, 2013

      That's So Jordan

      Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player ever, and that being more or less beyond dispute does not make it something basketball fans are less excited to talk about. But in the decade since his last NBA game, talking about His Airness has become a

      By David Roth Feb 21, 2013
      By David Roth Feb 8, 2013

      National Shouting Day

      National Signing Day, the least telegenic televised "event" of all time, is a giddy beef auction presided over by the psychotic golf dads who coach high-level college football covered as if it were a moon landing.

      By David Roth Feb 8, 2013
      By David Roth Feb 1, 2013

      Why Breitbart Sports Will Fail, I Hope

      It's only fitting that after a career spent treating politics like a long football game between Black Nazi Communists and the Founding Fathers, Andrew Breitbart has posthumously leant his name to a sports news website.

      By David Roth Feb 1, 2013
      By David Roth Jan 25, 2013

      The Lakers' Unreality Show

      There's a certain ugly thrill in watching these Lakers fail, but it's not a lot of fun—it's tough to take much joy from watching all these great players playing so poorly and unhappily, even with the leavening knowledge that their ill-tempered awfulness i…

      By David Roth Jan 25, 2013
      By David Roth Jan 11, 2013

      Hall of Lame

      Like talk-radio types, Baseball Hall of Fame voters are blithely holding others to impossible standards in the most self-righteous way possible, and define "getting tough" as "accusing people you barely know of being cheaters instead of dealing with a com…

      By David Roth Jan 11, 2013
      By David Roth Dec 19, 2012

      Taken

      There's no reason why anyone should talk about or listen to other people talking about sports for hours and hours every day. There is not necessarily that much to say about men running and catching balls under the best of circumstances, and necessarily no…

      By David Roth Dec 19, 2012
      By David Roth Dec 7, 2012

      The Pelicans’ Grief

      Team names work best when they're both goofy and ambitious. The very words Utah Jazz conjure someone pouring a quart of milk into a clarinet; the idea of a Sacramento King mostly just gives you the image of a winking Guy Fieri sitting on a pepperoni thron…

      By David Roth Dec 7, 2012
      By David Roth Nov 30, 2012

      Someone's Super Bowl

      This is how we wind up with something like Saturday's SEC Championship Game, which is an orgy of crass bloat and khaki-clad excess to some, something much more important than the Super Bowl to a great many others, and objectively a good deal stranger a th…

      By David Roth Nov 30, 2012