I Will Review Frozen Food No More Forever
As Amy's Kitchen served me and my coworkers lunch, I looked around the room and realized something: I can go nowhere from here. This will be my final frozen food column for VICE.
The focus of my review column this week is frozen lasagnas. For some reason frozen lasagna is almost always good or great. On occasion it is underwhelming, but I'm yet to be deeply disappointed by a frozen lasagna.
My editors set out to humiliate me and make me physically ill by ordering me to go to an ice cream truck in Brooklyn and eat everything. I ended up face down in a gutter with sprinkles and ice cream allover my face and clothes.
Waffle, crinkled, greasy, or covered with rosemary, I don't discriminate when it comes to the fry. It's all the same garbage.
Although I am very fond of Chinese food, it is exceedingly hard to find good Chinese restaurants, so finding frozen Chinese food in my grocery store was a godsend.
"This movie transmits the feeling of cozy camaraderie you get in a Harry Potter movie, the goofy adventure you get from a good Star Wars movie, and the big epic fight scenes that I guess you get from a Marvel movie."
I've been eating frozen chicken nuggets for this review column, and the gurgling heartburn I've experienced has led me to chomp Tums like they were as tasty and plentiful as the nuggets that caused my stomach acids to go into overdrive.
In the first episode of The VICE Guide to Comics, our art editor and resident comic book expert Nick Gazin shares his 100-percent objective list of the best comic books out there.
The most easily-prepared foods are breakfast foods. All frozen breakfast foods seem like a bad, impractical idea to me, but I'm not here to avoid the food mistakes, I'm here to eat them.
Whereas most frozen food consists of one dish or food item, the makers of these products attempted to produce complete meals that you cook all at once in your microwave. Some were good. But most weren't.
This week I reviewed four frozen Mexican food products, including two by Amy's Kitchen. After posting one of the reviews on Instagram, Amy herself reached out to me and offered to set me up on a date with her friend. What a company!
"I don't mean to brag, but I eat a lot of fish sticks."