The Worst People

“I kind of wish everyone on Earth hadn't died,” Casey Anthony said, running her fingers through Rick Santorum's hair. “Just so we could all rub it in their stupid faces that we did survive.” Howls of laughter filled the beach. Courtney Love said, “God! We're, like, the worst people in the world!” Full story

The Recent Unpleasantness

Reality Quiz

Greetings! In light of this week's election, your local GOP committee is sending out this quiz to gauge our party's commitment to reality. As a registered Republican, your input is crucial to determining future party direction. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers! Full story

The Recent Unpleasantness

Yelping Halloween

I took my kids trick or treating yesterday and the second stop on our route was the Hadley household. Right off the bat, they lose a star for giving out Life Savers. Is this a 6th grade secret santa grab bag? Run out of carob chips? The candy you serve speaks volumes about you as… Full story

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Public Statement by Jerry Sandusky on His Release from Prison, February 2454

"First off, I'd like to offer my heartfelt appreciation for the miracle of cell-extension nanotechnology. Who knew it'd be so easy to add an extra thousand years to everyone's life? And I should acknowledge the US Supreme Court, for making sure everyone in prison had access to th… Full story

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Mock Blockers

It has been announced that Obama is preparing for the upcoming debates with the help of John Kerry, while Ohio Senator Rob Portman is working on whipping Romney into shape. Let's have a look at how the candidates are doing in their practice rounds. Full story

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Strike Gripes

We went to the front lines of the Chicago teachers strike and got the inside scoop on what's really going on. Turns out a lot of people are hungry for pizza and upset they're missing 'The Young and the Restless.' Full story

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iPhone 5 Drinking Games

Provide beers or light cocktails. Watch Apple event on TV. Take one sip every time you hear the words "game-changing," "revolutionary," "visionary," or "power efficient." Full story

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The Recent Unpleasantness - Certain Goals

The 'New York Times' has a new chief executive, and in addition to his fancy $1 million salary, he got a sign-on bonus worth $3 million if he meets goals made by the company. The Tea Party, stockholders, and Occupy, among others, have a few suggestions for what those goals should… Full story

The Recent Unpleasantness - Ask Mr. Ethics

Dear Mr. Ethics, I am a healthy 42-year-old Minnesota guy with a fantastic family and a well-paying government job. Also, I recently became the presumptive Republican nominee for vice president of the United States in the 2012 election. Life is good. The thing is, the guy I'm run… Full story

The Recent Unpleasantness

The Recent Unpleasantness - Fox and Fogs

The future fogs of Fox News: "Earlier we reported that the GOP convention has been watched by two out of three Americans, moving millions of viewers to tears of joy. We may have confused this event with the 1983 series finale of 'M*A*S*H.' Blame the fog of television." Full story