• Sacrificing Virgins

    Back in the day, if you wanted god to bless your crops and make them grow high to the heavens, you prayed for rain. If that didn't work, you built a temple or maybe slaughtered a goat. And if that didn't work, well, then you just hacked up the nearest female virgin.

  • People Who Love God Also Love Porn

    The residents of “religious” cities watch just about the same amount of porn as the godless heathens in progressive cities like San Francisco and Boston. The study is the result of adult website PornHub crunching the numbers of where their users are located. Those living in relig…

  • Don't Bet on the Apocalypse

    Remember those billboards during the summer of 2011 that boldly claimed the world was going to end on May 21 of that year? Those predictions were put together by a California-based Christian cult who is now destitute, because they spent all their money thinking there'd be no need…

  • Jason Collins Shook a Few Bigots Out of the Homophobe Tree

    Jason Collins made his big “I'm gay” announcement last week. Big news like this can't help but be met with a vocal minority of the religious-minded seeing this as a “test” from the man upstairs, and the only way they'll pass is by letting their feelings be known to a national aud…

  • "Coexist" Bumper Stickers Are Actually Intolerant

    On the surface, it seems like a sentiment I should agree with: “Can't we all put aside our religious differences and get along?” But what happens when you put anything on a bumper sticker is that you remove the suggestive tone and make it a command: “Get along, or else.”

  • Please Stop Believing

    I like to think of myself as an equal-opportunity offender, that all religions are just different sides of the same million-or-so-headed coin to me. The specifics of what ancient person has what magic power according to whatever secret text is simply a distraction. Dogma, in gene…

  • Zealots with Nukes

    While most of the recent “crazy person with nukes” talk has been focused on the husky little crackpot in North Korea, there's another bit of backyard-underground-bunker-scare inducement that deserves some notice: the nuclear proliferation going on in Iran.

  • Praise Kubrick Christ

    The new movie 'Room 237,' which explores all the crackpot theories on what Kubrick's 'The Shining' is about, sums up just about everything in religion. In it, nuts search for a hidden message that Kubrick is trying to deliver to a small group of enlightened people. And if other p…

  • The Bible Is Nothing but Fan Fiction for Jesus

    What doesn't make sense is that some of the accounts of Jesus are considered “truth” while others are deemed “apocryphal.” The original gospels were written down centuries after the events described, so it's not as if one has true boots-on-the-ground reporting and the rest are ju…

  • Young People Still Suck

    It isn't hard to see which way the winds are blowing regarding gay marriage. All you need is a second-grade reading comprehension and a very simple understanding of statistics.

  • Meet Frank

    Rejoice! The new pope is a man of the people! He famously cooks his own meals, rides the bus to work, and lives in a single apartment rather than in the palace befitting an archbishop. These are all good things! But there's also this...

  • Religion Can Ruin Your Heroes

    The problem with Jim Miller's comment about gays never being accepted in NFL locker rooms pisses me off not just because it's an asinine way of thinking, but because he's ruined any goodwill I felt about the 2001 Chicago Bears.

  • Whoever Wins, We Lose

    Being deep enough into Catholicism to the point where you can be considered to lead the church means not being too forward-thinking. In fact, let's take a gander at the top five candidates—according to, of course, a betting website—and see what they might bring to the table.

  • Papal Infallibility Is a Problem for the Catholic Church

    Among the many beliefs that members of the Catholic church hold is “papal infallibility.” Benedict's resignation is the first instance the church has had to deal with two people holding infallibility at the same time, which is troublesome.

  • Art Imitates Life, Then Gets You Killed by Fanatics

    There is a scene in 'Zero Dark Thirty' that is pretty unspectacular, one that in a vacuum would be forgotten as soon as the end credits roll. But there's a good chance this little scene will lead to people getting killed.

  • The Ravens Are God's Favorites

    Fifty-three percent of Americans think God rewards athletes who believe in Him with good health and great success. In other words, yesterday, God chose his most-loved, and by default his most-hated, Harbaugh brother.

  • A Catholic Hospital Is Arguing That a Fetus Is Not a Person

    Legally, the argument is sound. Colorado, the state, does not define a fetus as a person. But what kind of blatant hypocrisy would motivate a Catholic hospital to argue in court that only individuals born alive are people?

  • Adios, Choice

    Remove the clinics, put insurmountable obstacles in the way, and Roe v. Wade will soon hold as much power as the now-hilariously-shortsighted Third Amendment. The fight for abortion is almost over, and pro-lifers are nearly the victors.

  • Too Much Jesus in the Locker Room

    The religiosity of sports is ignored when we question why a gay athlete playing one of the major American sports has yet to come out of the closet. We should be turning our attention to the clubhouse preachers leading teams in pre-game prayers.

  • Subtle Forces

    The crazies of Hinduism aren't as in-your-face as, say, a suicide bomber or a Baptist minister calling for the end of Planned Parenthood. But they can certainly hold their own when it comes to mistreating women.

  • Bah Humbug!

    The actual holiday of Christmas isn't really, and never has been, a celebration specifically about Christ's birth. People have been celebrating the middle-of-winter holiday—with gifts and massive consumption of booze—way before Jesus.

  • The Great Paradox

    The biggest hypocrisy is the mind-fuck of fighting to save the lives of unborn children, while defending the right to possess a device thats sole purpose is taking the life of someone who was once an unborn child.

  • History Lesson

    Last Wednesday was the 79th anniversary of the ratification of the 21st Amendment, which ended Prohibition in the US. Thanks a lot, Bible, for inspiring the temperance movement that nearly broke this nation through class divisions and gave birth to the modern Mafia.

  • The Half-Man's Dilemma

    Consider the plight of Angus T. Jones of 'Two and a Half Men.' A true God-fearing individual could not knowingly produce such scum and lead a show that Satan is so deeply embedded in. He had to take a stand.

  • Balls and Chains

    When you believe you're rooting for the “right team,” whether that's due to you being born in a certain sports franchise's media market or because your parents believe in a specific invisible higher power, you're allowed to trade away facts for unprovable opinion.

  • The Collection Plate

    Catholics, keep in mind the next time the collection plate get passed, your money may not go towards buying the clergy new robes or building a soup kitchen. It could go towards anti-gay marriage bills.

  • The Longest Horoscope Ever

    The Bible has been able to spoil so much of human history because it is just is so fucking vague. Want to sleep with your little cousin? Surely there's something in there that'd give you the thumbs up.

  • Happy JesusWeen, Everyone!

    Imagine kids with close-cropped hair and conservative clothes coming to the door, the homeowners offering candy, and the children pushing that aside and instead offering up a stack of Bibles.

  • Watch This Hero

    When you first start listening to Preacher Phil Snider's speech on gay marriage, you'll probably want to duck out because he sounds like a hateful lunatic who thinks that gays and pedophiles are cut from the same cloth. But stick it out, it's worth it.

  • God Vs. The Ladies

    The original scriptures—the template which has led to today's incarnation of religion—were written by men during a time when women were property and mystical beasts who occasionally farted out children. This factoid explains the troubling inherent sexism of organized religions…