©2014 VICE Media LLC

    The VICE Channels

      Prolate Spheroid Preview

      The NFL is an odd sport with an oddly shaped ball.

      By Harry Cheadle Dec 28, 2012

      What I Want from the NFL in 2013

      First of all, I want football to continue to happen and not cease to exist because the world has been swept by disease/war/starvation/robots and we no longer care about frivolous things like what large men do with an oddly shaped ball. Then I want Tim Teb…

      By Harry Cheadle Dec 28, 2012
      By Harry Cheadle Dec 21, 2012

      The NFL Is Terrible This Week

      A whopping 13 games this week feature either two miserable teams flailing at each other like a bitter married couple going through the motions during an argument, or a really good squad that's already secured a place in the playoffs and a toxic, tumor-rid…

      By Harry Cheadle Dec 21, 2012
      By Harry Cheadle Dec 13, 2012

      The Ennui of Raiders-Chiefs

      "Will we remember this game any more or less than another when we are taking stock of our lives in our twilight years? Or is true meaning found in pursuits distant from the field: raising children, loving a wife, helping our neighbors in times of need? Ah…

      By Harry Cheadle Dec 13, 2012
      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Dec 6, 2012

      RGIII Is Number I in Our Hearts

      The Redskins quarterback is something to feel good about in football, finally—it's fun to watch a star bring a franchise back into the public eye, it's fun to see an offense utilize an individual's talents that effectively, and it's fun to see a set of qu…

      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Dec 6, 2012
      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Nov 29, 2012

      Being Alex Smith Sucks

      Football is a depressing sport, whether you're the Kansas City Chiefs, the lamely-named San Diego Chargers, Aaron Rodger's mustache, or Alex Smith, who lost his job just when everything was coming up Milhouse for him. Sad faces all around.

      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Nov 29, 2012
      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Nov 21, 2012

      Shut Up and Give Thanks for NFL Football

      In our weekly picks, we give thanks for rap songs about the Broncos, Chad Henne highlight reels, .gifs, old beer ads, and Pogs. We do not give thanks for the Cowboys.

      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Nov 21, 2012
      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Nov 15, 2012

      J! E! T! S! Mess Mess Mess!

      I love it when Tim Tebow's teammates tell the media that he's terrible. I love it when Rex Ryan's wife makes foot fetish videos. I love the dysfunction and the abject failure and Mark Sanchez's terrible love life. Go Jets!

      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Nov 15, 2012
      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Nov 8, 2012

      Offensive Lineman Dreams

      Why would you want to be an offensive lineman? Who still wears Zubaz? Do people have sex with dolphins? What happens when a kicker has to poop? Does anything good happen at two in the morning? We answer these questions and pick NFL games.

      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Nov 8, 2012
      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Nov 1, 2012

      Keep It Simple, Stupid Football Guys

      In our weekly NFL picks column, we predict the outcome of the games, as well as the presidential election, and Tim Tebow's political career. We also discover a song about the Tennessee Titans and talk about the evolution, or devolution, of NFL offenses.

      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Nov 1, 2012
      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Oct 25, 2012

      The Children Are Our Future… Quarterbacks

      Are we going to give preschoolers with promising hand-eye coordination specially-designed steroids so that one day they can earn millions while trying to decapitate each other for our entertainment? Will we grow quarterbacks in vats and assign them number…

      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Oct 25, 2012
      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Oct 18, 2012

      There Aren’t Any Good NFL Teams This Year

      "How about parity in the NFL?" a man says to another man as they sit on a park bench and watch the traffic in the distance. "Yes, parity," the second man says. How can he put the love he feels for his friend into words? He can't. So he talks instead about…

      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Oct 18, 2012
      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Oct 4, 2012

      Why Aren't There Football Coaching Grad School Programs?

      Coaches learn their extremely difficult, demanding, horrifically time-consuming jobs as they go along, picking up knowledge as they work. Why don't NFL coaches just go to grad school to study football?

      By Harry Cheadle and Sam Reiss Oct 4, 2012
      By Sports Staff Sep 20, 2012

      The Best Teams Are Always Changing

      The bad teams constantly turning over personnel, trying to find a few dozen guys to peak and stay in one piece at the same time. The good ones stay the same over seasons, and the great ones are in a state of constant flux, to the point where the Patriots

      By Sports Staff Sep 20, 2012
      By Harry Cheadle Sep 13, 2012

      Let’s Just Turn the Refs into Lasers

      By 2030, I want the games to be officiated by motion sensors and nanobots. And the cheerleaders should be replaced by 3-D holographic .gifs that summarize the most important news stories of the day. And the players will mostly be lizards. Anyway, on to pi…

      By Harry Cheadle Sep 13, 2012