The Burgeoning Industry of 'Breakup Counselors' Who Promise to Help You Get Your Ex Back

There are several ways to handle a breakup. You can take it day by day and stay busy with the help of your sympathetic friends, stay in on weeknights and mope around in your pajamas, or send 3,000 text messages to your ex until he or she blocks your number. Or you could turn to Byro Zoltan, owner and proprietor of BreakupDok.com. Zoltan describes himself as a "personal breakup counselor," and for a small fee, he promises to coach you on how to win your ex back and permanently repair your relationship. "I had three special relationships in my life, as well as three painful breakups," he said. "But the last one put me on the road where I am today. It came with such a deep emotional pain that I felt like my soul was ripped into millions of pieces. I watched the woman of my dreams get married to another man and start their own family." After that split, he created BreakupDok because he "believes in a dream that one day men and women will respect and love each other in a way that they can solve their issues with grace and understanding, so the breakup rates of today's world will be just a bad memory in our history." BreakupDok.com is covered in self-help ad banners that paint a fairly optimistic picture: "10 Signs That Your Ex-Girlfriend Wants You Back," "How to Make Your Ex-Boyfriend Respond to Your Call," "Quick Tips and Tricks to Make Your Ex-Boyfriend Regret Breaking Up with You" (which includes tactics like "write a card invoking old memories"). Zoltan offers three different tiers of service: the basic package runs about $100 and includes "10 email responses" and "10 SMS responses" to answer your most pertinent questions about how to win him or her back. The $297 package offers unlimited emails, and the obtuse $897 edition (referred to as the "Peacock") comes with hour-long, one-on-one Skype strategy sessions and emergency phone access.

"In every unique situation, I create a customized roadmap that we follow and adjust according to any changes that will happen—mostly when their ex contacts them in a certain way," Zoltan explained. He claimed his system is simple and complex at the same time, and is designed to focus on emotional healing, improving one's self image, and mastering a strict "no-contact" rule, among other things. He also works on "deeply improving [a client's] relationships skill, using social media tactics to influence their ex's feelings, building attraction via text messages, and other advanced psychology techniques required for different situations."

That might seem a little creepy—selling guides that encourage the emotional manipulation of exes isn't very ethical, and it likely won't solve the fundamental differences that lead to most breakups. But BreakupDok proudly states that the system will help the heartbroken "win your ex back with dignity," and Zoltan maintains that getting a former partner back is a realistic thing to hope for. "In most cases, it's absolutely possible if you are open to change, arm yourself with a certain mindset, and follow the right instructions," he said. But Zoltan also admits there are situations where issues of compatibility are present, and that some relationships aren't worthy of being salvaged. "Getting your ex back is just one part of the equation," he says. "Keeping them interested and getting them to commit for life is harder than most people think." It's easy to see how Zoltan and others online have found success with promises of getting back together with an ex. Breakups suck, and severing ties with someone you may have a deep emotional connection to is hard; it can make you feel alone and devoid of self-worth, and building that self-worth back is also part of Zoltan's job. "I believe in my dedication, focus, and strong will to understand each breakup situation and create real results for my clients. That's all that I care about." Zoltan isn't the only one working in this industry. Brad Browning is probably the biggest name in breakup counseling. He hosts a YouTube channel with several videos promoting the same techniques you'll find on BreakupDok; while introducing his program, Browning says, "Would you ever forgive yourself if you let the woman you love slip out of your life forever? For the next eight minutes, I'm going to explain how a naturally occurring hormone inside your ex-girlfriend's mind gives you a foolproof way to make her fall deeply in love with you again." What Browning and others in this burgeoning online sub-community offer is pseudoscience at best, and a mean-spirited scam at worst. People get back with their exes all the time, but framing it as attainable through a system of behavior is genuinely disquieting. Letting go is hard, but the idea that we never have to let go, ever, is a delusional and maybe dangerous fantasy.

Zoltan doesn't see himself that way, however, and although he's charging significant fees for things he can't authentically promise, he says he's seen it work many times before. His favorite success was a 37-year-old man from Budapest who believed his relationship was permanently destroyed. "We took things very gradually and planned ahead until they started to talk more often to each other. After six or seven weeks, she was back in his life," he says. "I hope that for many years they will be together. I can tell you that it was a truly great day for me too."

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