What's So Scary About Sluts?

By Chloe Cross and Matt Shea, Photos: Jake Lewis

Halloween is the only holiday I’m aware of that is essentially just an excuse for even the most shy and boring girls to walk around self-identifying as prostitutes without getting bitched-slapped by other girls or followed home by skanky men.  

This is a situation that’s arisen in the power vacuum created by the fact that no one knows what Halloween is actually about. Even Google can’t make up its mind, and Google knows everything. Is it the devil’s birthday? Is it about honoring the dead, or harvesting pumpkins? No one knows and no one seems to care a whole hell of a lot about finding out. Sex and drunken oblivion have waltzed into the ambiguity and claimed Halloween as their own.

I have no answers, only questions. So I spent my Halloween stomping around London in what felt like Hurricane Sandy to ask these smashed, scantily clad girls (and guys) what they thought of their outfits and other stupid questions, in a vain attempt to make sense of this sordid mess.

Shamyna, 18.

VICE: What have you come as tonight?
Um… I’ve come as… I forgot… oh yeah, a fallen angel, that’s it!

How scary do you think you look on a scale of 1-10?
Maybe 2? Not that scary. Just nice. Pretty.

Do you feel bad about celebrating the devil’s birthday so flagrantly?
I’m not celebrating it because it's the devil’s birthday! It’s just an excuse for a party!

What’s the scariest thing that's ever happened to you?
I was at my sister's house with my friends and we were drunk and the blanket just pulled off us somehow. I don’t know how it happened, maybe because we were drunk.

What’s scarier, socializing or the news?
The news, because you see all the different things that are happening around the world. In New York there was a shark swimming around near people's houses and it’s like, “Whaaat, there’s a shark swimming right outside my window?” You know?

What happens when you get scared?
I shake.

Talia, 21.

Hello. What are you dressed as tonight?
I'm kind of a slutty witch.

A slutty witch, I see. On a scale of 1-10, how scary do you think you look?
Zero.

Do you have a boyfriend?
No, thank god.

You must have boy friends though, right? What do they think of your costume?
Tallia’s boy friends: I love it. It pisses off all the other girls. Tallia always pisses off all the other girls.

Is she just like that? Is she just crazy?
Yes, that's so true. I am crazy!

What did you dress up like last year?
I don’t even remember, I was pissed.

Are you cray or cry?
Unfortunately cry. [distracted] I can smell weed! Pass me that joint! Here! [passes me the joint]

Thanks. How many fucks do you give on an average day?
You can’t ask me that!

I don’t mean sex.
Oh, if you give a fuck, you can’t have fun. So none.

What’s the meaning of life?
One big fuck 24/7 and just live happily ever after.

Vicky Vivacious, DJ.

What are you supposed to be?
I've not really dressed as anything in particular, darling. I've got a fishnet dress, black fur, red hair, and black lipstick, so I suppose I'm just a slag. 

Nice. You don't look very scary.
Catch me in a bad mood and I’m an absolute bitch.

What’s scarier: Syria or New York?
I went to a bar in New York called Rawhide and that scared the living daylights out of me.

Cray or cry?
When I'm drunk, I'm cray.

Go HAM or go home?
Well, darling, I like something as hard as a motherfucker—if you know what I mean—so I guess I’ll choose that one.

Yes, I think I know what you mean.

Pollie, 25 (left) and Georgina, 24.

What are you dressed as?
Pollie: A goth with problems, like killing myself. Not really, but I basically made it look like I slit my wrists.

So you’re a potentially suicidal goth?
Yeah.
Georgina: I’m a girl that got jilted at the altar so I’ve got my heart bleeding and my eye bleeding.

That's a bit sad.
Yeah, but I was a slutty sailor on Saturday.

That's alright then. Peaks and troughs. What do you think people will think of your outfit tonight?
Pollie: Probably be scared.
Georgina: Probably slutty. I want them to think “I can tap that bitch.”

Can they tap that bitch?
No, haha.

I see, it's a ruse. What did you dress up as last year?
Pollie: A pumpkin.
Georgina: A teabag.

Like a slutty teabag?
No, it was legit. But I have gotten sluttier with age.

What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you?
Pollie: A man followed me home and smashed in my door once.
Georgina: I got locked on a train when I was five and I’ve never been able to get over it.

Nick, 23.

What are you?
I’ve just come in drag with my friends because it’s funny.

How scary do you think you look?
Not scary.

What's scarier, socializing or the news?
Is this a trick question? That’s not appropriate to Halloween. That’s stupid.

Are you FOMO or YOLO?
This is stupid. I’m in love with my girlfriend and I’m here to have a good time with her.

What does she think of this costume?
It doesn’t matter because she comes home with me every night anyway.

What’s the scariest thing that’s happened to you?
I got stabbed four times in the stomach last year.

What’s the scariest thing that could happen tonight?
Getting stabbed again.

Maggie, 19.

What have you come as tonight?
A black widow in a double sense—not just a spider, but also a widow, hence the black wedding dress.

How scary do you think you are on a scale of 1-10?
I’m pretty fucked up, so I’ll go with 9. I’m not psycho. But I will go with a 9.

What do you think boys tonight will think of your costume?
I hope they’re scared so much they don’t come near me, otherwise I'll be like [makes 'explosion' gesture with arms] booooooom!

You want to repel people?
No, I don’t wanna dance with anyone or get with anyone today though. So if anyone tries to touch me, I will bitch slap them.

What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you?
Going to Nigeria.

Sarina, 24 (left) and Danielle, 27.

Sarina: I've come as a black cat and she's supposed to be Poison Ivy.

What do you think you’ll dress up as next year?
Probably a witch.

Like a sexy witch?
Yes, a sexy witch.

What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you?
I went camping once and convinced myself that I was going to get killed. I heard gunshots and I was like, "fuck this" and plugged my iPod in. I always plug myself into my iPod when I get scared.

Where's scarier: Syria or New York?
New York, at the moment. I just feel sorry for the animals; they don’t have homes any more.

What about the people?
Oh yeah, I feel sorry for the babies, obviously, but human adults know what to do—they have the brains for it. Animals and babies need help.

What’s scarier: racism or unplanned pregnancy?
Racism, because we're all the same.

Follow Chloe (@chloecrossx) Matt (@Matt_A_Shea) and Jake (@jake_photo) on Twitter.

More instances where we've asked questions to people who don't make any sense:

OMG, You Guys Are All So Street! But What Is Street?

Dude, You Slept Rough to Buy Kanye West's Trainers? Why?

Comments