Illustration by Sam Taylor.So chickens used to have dicks. Who knew? A new study examines why some types of birds have lost their penises thanks to evolution (so that hens can control their species’ population, apparently). I thought that sucked for all the chickens out there who relish the idea of having a dick, but have been shafted by evolution—which got me thinking about what kind of ways I'd like to evolve.However, I soon got bored of imagining myself with oversized pinkies (for impressing women with) and decided to ask some other people how they'd like to evolve instead.Aaron: I think I’d be smarter. Mind you, I suppose I could just learn more stuff—does that count as evolution or just learning?I think just learning. And why are you being so hard on yourself?
There’s just so much I don’t know.Sasha: I’d be able to fly, obviously.How are you going to evolve wings?
By repeatedly flapping my arms. That would work, right? They'd stretch out and become wings eventually.Yeah, that sounds legit.Eric: I wouldn’t change anything—I’m perfectly happy as I am.There’s nothing you'd improve about yourself?
Nope, not at all.Fair enough. Can I take a photo?
Err, no.Maybe evolve some confidence and learn to love yourself.Aika: What do you mean "evolve"? As in what would I change about myself?I guess so, but keep it Darwinian.
I don’t know. Maybe hi-vis skin so I don’t get run over?Do you think that's would help you in the world of dating, too? It would be like peacocking all the time.
Probably not, but that’s natural selection, I guess.Previously - Is the Government Watching You?
Advertisement
There’s just so much I don’t know.Sasha: I’d be able to fly, obviously.How are you going to evolve wings?
By repeatedly flapping my arms. That would work, right? They'd stretch out and become wings eventually.Yeah, that sounds legit.Eric: I wouldn’t change anything—I’m perfectly happy as I am.There’s nothing you'd improve about yourself?
Nope, not at all.Fair enough. Can I take a photo?
Err, no.Maybe evolve some confidence and learn to love yourself.Aika: What do you mean "evolve"? As in what would I change about myself?I guess so, but keep it Darwinian.
I don’t know. Maybe hi-vis skin so I don’t get run over?Do you think that's would help you in the world of dating, too? It would be like peacocking all the time.
Probably not, but that’s natural selection, I guess.Previously - Is the Government Watching You?