Question of the Day

Would You Rather Fight a Horse-Sized Duck or a Hundred Duck-Sized Horses?

By VICE Staff

Today’s question is a debate as old as horses, or ducks, or debates. It’s been a staple of Reddit AMAs for some time and its origins are shrouded in mystery; undeniably, it gets at something at the core of our humanity. Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck, or a hundred duck-sized horses? The horse-sized duck would be terrifying—Christ, imagine that beak—but the horses might overwhelm you, and kicking dozens of tiny horses is an ugly, ugly thing to do. So how about it? Which would you prefer? 

Raphael, law student: Obviously, one horse-sized duck.

Why?
Because horses are more dangerous, you know? A hundred little horses will overcome you, but one huge duck, he won’t overcome you.

So you could beat a horse-sized duck?
Yeah.

What would you use to fight this duck?
Maybe I’ll use like a sheepdog to get it away from me.

So you wouldn’t physically fight it?
No, it’d run away.

Colleen, student: That’s deep… I guess the duck-sized horses.

Why?
They’re small and I could kick them.

You’d use your feet?
Well if they’re attacking me, animal cruelty is out the window.

Would you win the fight?
No, the horses would eventually beat me because I don’t have enough stamina. But would they eat me at the end?

No, they’d just trample you with their mini hooves.

Peter, game programmer: A hundred duck-sized horses.

Why?
I don’t know. I think the right answer is the one big one, but for some reason I feel like I’d get killed right away.

By a huge duck?
Right, in just one whooomp. It’d just do it. But with the little ones I’d just get some scrapes.

So you’d win?
I wouldn’t want to kill them at all, but I think I could beat them.

What would you do?
I guess I would stomp on them, but that’s a terrible thought.

Martin, wildlife firefighter: I’d fight one horse-sized duck.

Why?
That’s a big duck; that’s a lot of eating. I’d be full for a minute.

So you’d do it for the nutritional value?
Yeah.

Do you have a weapon of choice to corral this duck?
Let’s say if I didn’t have any modern weapons, I’d definitely use one of those bolas: toss it, hit him, then run up to him and bust his head in with a rock.

Then drag him off and cook him up?
Cavemen did it, why can’t I?

Alicia, photographer: A hundred duck-sized horses.

Why?
They just seem less dangerous. I wouldn’t want a huge beak going at me, and ducks run fast.

Ducks run fast?
Yeah, I watch a lot of America’s Funniest Home Videos and they seem like they go fast.

So a big, fast duck would actually be terribly frightening?
Yes.

What would you do to fight the mini horses?
I think I’d try to kick at them.

And that would work?
I don’t know. If you get them on their side they couldn’t move.

Would you win the fight?
I’m not sure about that. There are a hundred of them; that seems pretty difficult. Maybe. I’d probably lose energy. It’d be like Whac-A-Mole, like they’d just keep getting back up.

Martin: A hundred small horses.

Why?
I could run through them and escape.

But horses are fast.
Yeah, but they are going to bump into each other.

So you could outrun these horses?
No, but I’d find some place where they couldn’t get to me, like a wall or a tree or something.

Ari, healthcare IT guy, left: I’d go with the one horse-sized duck. I don’t think I’m quick enough to deal with all the little guys.

Why?
Ari: I’m assuming they’re quick.
Noah, headhunter, right: But that’s one tough duck.
Ari: I think I’d have a better chance though. A hundred is a lot. I mean, if it was like ten… but a hundred?

How about you?
Noah: I think I’d go with the big duck because it’s more of a classic challenge: “Man vs. horse-sized duck.”

Would you use a weapon?
Noah: We get weapons?

It’s your imaginary battle.
Ari: I’d use a shotgun.

That's pretty brutal.
Ari:I mean, I feel bad just killing it. I’d rather just break its leg or something. Maybe I should just shoot it in the leg.
Noah: I’d use a lasso. I’d catch it then wrap it around its beak so it couldn’t peck me.

Previously:

What's the Rudest Anyone's Ever Been to You?

What's the Worst Band of All Time?

Which Religious Idol Would You Get Drunk With?

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