​Some Questions for the Canadian Judge Who Wore a ‘Make America Great Again’ Hat in Court

The day after Donald Trump upset the planet with his presidential win, Ontario Court Justice Bernd Zabel did what any fine Canadian judge would do in the situation—he wore a "Make America Great Again" ball hat in his courtroom.

This is according to a breathless report from three (three!) reporters in today's Globe and Mail. Zabel addressed "numerous lawyers, police officers and defendants" while wearing the hat, according to the Globe's unnamed source in the courtroom.

Zabel reportedly said he was wearing the hat "because last night was an historic occasion," which is certainly one answer but hardly the whole story.

Obviously, I have questions for Justice Zabel.

1. Really?
2. No, really?
3. OK. Did you wear a Cubs hat after they won the World Series?
4. Why not? It would have made Bill Murray happy.
5. What do you have against Bill Murray?
6. So. Who do you hate the most: women, Muslims or Mexicans?
7. Oh? You didn't know that Trump called Mexicans "rapists," wanted to throw Muslims out of America, and you haven't heard a word Trump has said about women?
8. How is that possible for such an educated man?
9. Changing gears. Are you sure you weren't doing this ironically?
10. I mean, were you secretly hoping the guys at the tennis club would be like "Oh there's Bernd. He's such a hipster."?
11. Hipster? It's like a meaningless word for a young person who either tries really hard or doesn't try at all. Don't you read the Globe and Mail, they are obsessed with it.
12. Sorry, I'm a terrible interviewer who goes off on tangents. Back to the MAGA hat. You're Canadian. Isn't it, like, really weird to be making a political statement about another country?
13. I mean, presumably you wouldn't show up to work wearing a Justin Trudeau unicorn sweater. Literally, your job is to be seen as impartial. What's my question, you ask?
14. No, I am not part of the "media elite." Do you want to trade bank accounts?
15. No, seriously. Could we?
16. OK, OK. So, aren't you bothered by how this looks? Can women and people of colour walk into your courtroom and truly feel like they are going to get a fair shake from you?
17. Like, what the hell were you thinking?
18. GO FUCK YOURSELF, BERND…question mark?
19. What kind of name is Bernd, anyways?