The Calgary Flood Has Inspired Some Terrible Songs

Marc Martel. Singer of the Calgary Flood's "unofficial anthem." via Flickr user flamesworddragon.

Natural disasters have a tendency to bring people closer together, particularly when that togetherness comes in the form of uniting musicians to record disaster-themed tribute tracks. Plus, when it comes to natural disaster inspired music, the potential for a catchy single with great emotional appeal increases exponentially and, let’s face it, people affected by disasters are in dire need of a little cheering and booty shaking.

Hurricane Katrina gave birth to a great deal of unforgettable music—such as “Get U Down” by Warren G, Snoop Dogg, Ice Cube and B-Real, along with a large portion of Lil’ Wayne’s Suffix mixtape. I don’t think the world can thank Bono enough for all the songs he’s made about catastrophes: the “Springhill Mining Disaster,”“The Saints Are Coming” with Green Day for Hurricane Katrina, and “Stranded,” a pretty decent collaboration with Jay-Z, Rihanna and The Edge that followed the Haiti earthquake.

Clearly the people of Alberta who were affected by the recent flooding could use some groovy tunes to bounce to as well. But don’t worry Canada; even if U2 isn’t going to step up, there are already a bunch of songs out there dedicated to the Calgary flood of 2013. Too bad they’re all terrible.

"Hell or High Water" by Marc Martel (MP3)

Queen Extravaganza is one of the most well known Queen cover bands in the entire world, and their lead singer Marc Martel just came out with a new song that’s been dubbed by many as the unofficial anthem of the Alberta Flood. The song is everywhere, and honestly, it sucks balls. With nonsensical lyrics like “It’s hard to build a fortune out of sweat and tears with the faith of modern day pioneers,” the track is an overtly dramatic and energetic country failure pile. That said, with the Stampede coming up this weekend, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before Marc’s country song becomes a #1 amidst the exciting landscape of Calgary radio.

"Built My Way" by Cherhast

Now this is pure garbage. The song is awful and the autotune makes my ears bleed. On top of that, the video doesn't make any sense (the images are taken from a Quicksilver video, par example). Why not use images from the actual flood? It’s in poor taste to dedicate such a piece of trash to the people of Calgary, it seems they've been through enough crappy hard times already. Try again, Cherhast.

"Rose Over Storms" by Genius Production

This one initially won my heart over, and then I fell into a dizzying spell of complete and utter boredom. Bravo for starting the song with a clip from CBC’s The National. There’s nothing that says Canadian unity like Peter Mansbridge. The man’s voice is smooth as a Calgary cowboy’s leather chapeau, which is probably as comforting as it gets in this life. But after one minute of news clips, I lost all interest for the electro beats that followed.

"Hell or High Water" by Blake Reid

As much as I’d love to shit on another country song, it’s hard to find someplace to tear down Blake Reid’s heartfelt natural disaster track. It seems to be coming from a genuine place, plus it’s not as pretentiously stupid as the other ones. It’s a smooth and emotional country song that does a good job at describing the flood itself, along with the community’s excellent job of helping each other out. While it’s certainly not the worst song ever recorded, Blake’s anthem is more sentimental than an Anne Geddes tribute to babies with cancer, and I just don’t know if Calgarians need more excuses to cry.

With their city covered in shit and a lot of rebuilding ahead, Calgary deserves a true Canadian disaster hit, and not another lazy, acoustic guitar yawnfest. This is Canada. We have a lot of talented and popular musicians! Where’s the highly-anticipated Choclair and Celine Dion flood tribute collabo when you really need it? If you are a music producer who can make that dream into a reality, let us know in the comments. Previously:

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