Canadian Campaign Season Is a Dumpster Fire That Now Includes Ketchup Attacks, Underage Drinking, and Creepy Sex Writing

This article originally appeared on VICE Canada.

It's been tough to keep track of all the federal candidates whose fuck ups have caused their campaigns to implode during this election. But the latest batch is too absurd to ignore:

Conservative MP Julian Fantino, a former Toronto police chief, has been charged with assault with a weapon for allegedly using his baton to spread ketchup on another man's buttocks during a police raid that took place four decades ago.

Construction worker John Bonnici, 62, testified to the incident before a justice of the peace this summer. He told the Toronto Sun that Fantino and a handful of other officers entered 123 Gothic Ave. on August 31, 1973, and roughed him up. Apparently that included one of the cops pouring ketchup on his ass, which he claimed Fantino smeared with his baton.

Fantino allegedly quipped, "You look like you're enjoying this, Bonnici," to which Bonnici said he replied, "Not as much as you are, Fantino."

The charges against Fantino, which also include assault causing bodily harm, were privately laid (they didn't come from police). A justice of the peace can issue a summons to notify a person accused of a privately laid charge to answer to the charge in court.

Fantino's lawyer said the allegations are "without foundation."

Meanwhile, Rick Dykstra, Conservative incumbent in St. Catharines, has been accused of buying bottle service for a bunch of teenage girls at a nightclub last month. Several of the girls, believed to range in age from 16 to 18 years old, then tweeted about their night out with the 49-year-old politician, including a "family photo" and an endorsement:

"Thanks for the bottle service last night @RickDykstra #voteDykstra #Mansion."

NDP hopeful Ethan Rabidoux, running in Perth-Wellington, has raised some eyebrows on account of his novel The Officer: Love, Loyalty, Revenge. The book's troubling themes include murder, rape, teenage sex, STIs, and abortion, according to the Ottawa Citizen.

Here's an excerpt (remember, Rabidoux is a grown-ass man):

In addition to all that, BC-based Liberals resigned this week over offensive posts made on social media.

Victoria candidate Cheryl Thomas referred to mosques as "brainwashing stations," on her Facebook page, where she also made anti-Israel comments and mused about the idea of a non-white Santa.

"You can't have a brown guy with a beard sneaking into your house in the middle of the night! You'd be calling the bomb squad!"

Fellow Liberal Maria Manna, running in the nearby riding of Cowichan-Malahat-Langford, called the explanation behind the 9-11 attacks "the lie" on her Facebook page. She has since stepped down.

Lastly, Conservative cabinet minister Jason Kenney pissed a lot of people off last night when he attempted to dismiss Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi's stance on the niqab ban.

"It seems to me that it's the mayor and people like him who are politicizing it. I don't think this should be an issue of contention," Kenney said.

It wasn't long before #peoplelikeNenshi starting trending on Twitter, with Nenshi himself tweeting, "Let's just assume @jkenney means 'thoughtful people,' shall we?"

Or maybe he meant beloved politicians who haven't been accused of crime and/or being a creep: They're a rare breed these days.

Follow Manisha Krishnan on Twitter.