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Length of relationship: 2 years
Drugs involved: MDMA, LSDPretty much all my girlfriends in the past have been relatively drug positive. It's definitely a requirement: If one person's doing it, the other person needs to be cool with it too, or participation is nice if both [people] can do it.[My ex and I] used MDMA together pretty frequently. I'm really into techno and electronic music, and she wasn't… I felt like she enjoyed doing MDMA, but she would just like sitting at home watching a movie or hanging out on it, whereas it was more of a party thing for me. Her MDMA use increased because she wanted to make a connection with me when I went out and partied, and I think that eventually took a toll on her. MDMA was kind of a band-aid solution for her not liking my kind of music… You shouldn't do drugs just to keep up with your partner or because they do it. It can get really toxic. She had an addictive personality, and it got to the point where she was taking drugs out of my personal stash without telling me, then lying about it. It's something that needs to be controlled; you need to make sure you're on the same wavelength… Psychedelics are a different kind of animal.We did LSD for the first time together—I had done it before, she hadn't. In a negative way, I don't know if my perception of her was the same afterward. It was a very eye-opening experience. There was a time where we just laid there looking at each other and didn't say a word for like an hour. You just do a lot of thinking about yourself, your partner… I knew there were problems that I was ignoring [in the relationship]. When we did LSD, it gave me this realization that, holy shit, these big, glaring issues that I know are there in our relationship are much bigger than I ever thought they could have been. We ended up ending a two-year relationship five months later.
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Length of relationship: 3 years
Drug involved: cocaineI've had other relationships where things went badly because we were doing loads of cocaine together, and that was not a good idea. But this [particular] relationship was about me doing [drugs] behind [my girlfriend's] back. When it started, she was OK with it, but then I fucked it up one day and lied to her about it. I told her I needed to do drugs, and then she said, "Well, you need to stop doing them then because you're lying to me about it." Then I just continued to do it behind her back.Being someone who'd never done them before, she didn't understand the need to do them. I wanted to surround myself with someone like that at the time, so I would stop doing it. Doing it was almost like the Dexter effect, like when you're doing something that is kind of a rush and doing it behind someone's back… There was a certain appeal that I was going out and getting drugs with her car, picking them up, coming back, and doing them in the vicinity of her… Then there was this other part of me that desperately wanted to get caught again so that I could actually stop doing it.It's hard to explain to someone who's never done drugs before that you can do that shit, and it's more of a celebratory thing in some cases than anything else. But people won't understand if they haven't done it…. We would get into arguments about basically nothing, but that's just the sketchy day-after bullshit… I actually liked that she didn't do [coke], and I never wanted her to try it in case she did like it, and then she'd end up like me.
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Length of relationship: 4 years
Drugs involved: fentanyl, OxyContin, crack, cocaineMy boyfriend and I have been together four years, and we've been living together for just over two months. We were using drugs together—uppers (coke and crack)—when it first started. In my boyfriend's basement, we'd do blow, we'd go out, just stroll around the neighborhood high or go over to a buddy's house, smoke a couple rocks, stay up all night. We'd listen to music and talk.Then he was looking for the next high, and I was done with it. OxyContin came along… That was only a couple of months into our relationship, and then I told him it was freaking me out, and he needed to stop. He did, but then occasionally it would come around again. I don't really do drugs anymore—I do blow occasionally, twice a year maybe. When [my boyfriend] went to jail for four or five months about a year ago, that's when I stopped. Right before he went to jail, we weren't together. He fucked off for a little bit because he wanted to do fentanyl. I went out every weekend, and I partied my face off and did a bunch of blow.I've seen him in jail—in a jumper, behind glass, with that old school payphone. I've seen him OD. It's fucked up because even now I look at him and I'm like, You're not the person I fell in love with. He wanted to take me out to dinner recently, and I said, "No, I'm not going to watch you fall asleep at a table in public." We don't have fun anymore. Day to day, it's frustrating. I wake up, and I hear his Oxy grinder. It's the first thing I hear in the morning—him grinding pills.
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Length of relationship: 1 year
Drugs involved: LSD, MDMA, ketamineI was on a date with someone, and she seemed like more of a quiet, nerdy type, and then it turned out she was more of a bohemian than a nerd. So we're both totally into drugs. I'm like, "Hey, I got some acid." This is our first date. We've only been talking to each other for a few hours. She was totally into it, we dropped some acid, and I put on some trippy techno set, and we ended up having this mind-blowing sexual experience. It was like nothing else in our lives. We were full-on going at it while we were peaking, and the only measure of time we had was the three-hour set I had put on. It was like we lost all concept of boundaries between each other, and we were like a single mind. We only stopped when the music stopped. After that, we had ten hours or so with our heads full of acid and just talked and got to know everything about each other. By the time we were coming down, it felt like we'd known each other for years. We had a pretty good relationship for about a year after that.After the first date, it's like we'd already gone through the getting to know each other stage in a huge way. It was like cramming months of a relationship into a single date. We used plenty of [other drugs together]: mostly acid, some ketamine, and MDMA… Love is kind of like a drug in and of itself, and when you combine drugs, they enhance the others' effects. Definitely the strongest, most powerful trips have been with someone I love.
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Length of relationship: 5 years
Drugs involved: OxyContin, morphine, fentanyl, heroinMy wife didn't even know about my addiction for a long time because I was getting such a big prescription [for opiates] from my doctor. It was really easy for me to keep it hidden. I had a good job and was successful. After we got married, the doctor started cutting me down. Number one was that it had a major financial impact. It still has (I've been clean since February), and we're trying to work our way out of it. My wife always had bills paid—it went from that to being totally chaotic… our house was foreclosed on.I never stole from her. She knew if I needed to get something that I was going to get it no matter what, so she would—I know she feels bad about it—help me get the finances. She knew, but I put her in such a position that she kind of had no [choice]. She has a big heart and loves me. She would see what I was going through and didn't want me to go through that. I was making $250,000 a year, and she was making $100,000, so we were doing really well. I mean, I was going through $400 or $500 per day to begin with. I was selling gifts she got me at pawn shops: a crossbow, lots of jewelry, and she pawned some of her stuff, like computers. I was on fentanyl [during this time] when it got really bad.
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