Feb 8, 2013
I never dress to impress anyone. At the end of the day, my character should speak for itself. I'm not wearing an Armani or Hickey Freeman suit. I'm out here to represent Ron, not a tailor. If someone wants me to get dressed up for a party, that's a party…
Jan 25, 2013
You should avoid the subways. There are people that sneeze on the train and I just want to smack them. I've seen people pick their nose and then grab the rail. I look at them like, "Really?" And they say, "Sorry." But they aren't sorry for what they did…
Jan 18, 2013
I fell in love with a guy three years back when I saw a shirtless pic of him on my girl's phone. Since then, he's had his way with most of my girlfriends. But none of them understand him like I do. Am I making a mistake trying to turn this man into a one-…
Jan 15, 2013
Yippie ki-yay, VICE readers! Ron is back. Our office soothsayer has finally returned after a long and ragged journey filled with tribulations, advice giving, and redemption.
Aug 17, 2012
I've been caught having sex before. And I'm sure my daughter has probably gotten down in my house. But I would be go crazy if I ever actually caught her bumping uglies under my roof. I know it sounds weird, but it's all about respect.
Aug 10, 2012
We're in a recession for crying out loud. Times are hard and everybody has to have a hustle, even if that hustle involves urine-soaked dirty drawers. I won't hate if you do it, just don't put a return address on your pee and panties package.
Jul 27, 2012
I understand that kids want to wild-out. I've done everything in the book. I was so bad when I was younger in the projects that I even surfed the train. So, I get it. I know you young people want to go nuts and act dumb, but trust me, you are only hurting…
Jun 22, 2012
Yes, you are way too late. It's the end of June, you idiot.
Jun 15, 2012
Considering all the money I've sunk into being a dad, it wouldn't be too much if my daughter rolled up to my crib on Father's Day with a brand new Ferrari.
May 25, 2012
There are probably a few people at VICE with sticky keyboards. Those are the co-workers I won't shake hands with.
May 18, 2012
I know a few things about overindulgence from first-hand experience. One time I literally parked on top of a fire hydrant.
May 11, 2012
Keep that knucklehead out of your house and be like me—independent, free, and maintaining an exemplary credit score.