Dec 28, 2012
First of all, I want football to continue to happen and not cease to exist because the world has been swept by disease/war/starvation/robots and we no longer care about frivolous things like what large men do with an oddly shaped ball. Then I want Tim Teb…
Dec 21, 2012
A whopping 13 games this week feature either two miserable teams flailing at each other like a bitter married couple going through the motions during an argument, or a really good squad that's already secured a place in the playoffs and a toxic, tumor-rid…
Dec 13, 2012
"Will we remember this game any more or less than another when we are taking stock of our lives in our twilight years? Or is true meaning found in pursuits distant from the field: raising children, loving a wife, helping our neighbors in times of need? Ah…
Dec 6, 2012
The Redskins quarterback is something to feel good about in football, finally—it's fun to watch a star bring a franchise back into the public eye, it's fun to see an offense utilize an individual's talents that effectively, and it's fun to see a set of qu…
Nov 29, 2012
Football is a depressing sport, whether you're the Kansas City Chiefs, the lamely-named San Diego Chargers, Aaron Rodger's mustache, or Alex Smith, who lost his job just when everything was coming up Milhouse for him. Sad faces all around.
Nov 21, 2012
In our weekly picks, we give thanks for rap songs about the Broncos, Chad Henne highlight reels, .gifs, old beer ads, and Pogs. We do not give thanks for the Cowboys.
Nov 15, 2012
I love it when Tim Tebow's teammates tell the media that he's terrible. I love it when Rex Ryan's wife makes foot fetish videos. I love the dysfunction and the abject failure and Mark Sanchez's terrible love life. Go Jets!
Nov 8, 2012
Why would you want to be an offensive lineman? Who still wears Zubaz? Do people have sex with dolphins? What happens when a kicker has to poop? Does anything good happen at two in the morning? We answer these questions and pick NFL games.
Nov 1, 2012
In our weekly NFL picks column, we predict the outcome of the games, as well as the presidential election, and Tim Tebow's political career. We also discover a song about the Tennessee Titans and talk about the evolution, or devolution, of NFL offenses.
Oct 25, 2012
Are we going to give preschoolers with promising hand-eye coordination specially-designed steroids so that one day they can earn millions while trying to decapitate each other for our entertainment? Will we grow quarterbacks in vats and assign them number…
Oct 18, 2012
"How about parity in the NFL?" a man says to another man as they sit on a park bench and watch the traffic in the distance. "Yes, parity," the second man says. How can he put the love he feels for his friend into words? He can't. So he talks instead about…
Oct 4, 2012
Coaches learn their extremely difficult, demanding, horrifically time-consuming jobs as they go along, picking up knowledge as they work. Why don't NFL coaches just go to grad school to study football?