It's like a bad Chuck Norris joke come to life, but a 24-year-old mother in England was filmed hitting her pregnant belly with a hammer to prove that her unborn son was “hard."Heather Thorpe was reported to have said, “My baby’s hard as anything—just watch this.” It was then that her boyfriend at the time—Sean Hanlon—filmed her taking a hammer from his tool box, exposing her eight-month pregnant belly, and striking herself twice.Sean was obviously shocked, but not shocked enough to stop her from doing it or show the video to police until Thorpe accused him of domestic violence a couple months later. He took the video to the police in an effort to defend himself, but refused to press charges. In their eyes, no offense had been committed. He spoke on the incident saying,“I asked her what the hell she was doing but she just told me to stop over-reacting. Jonathon was born and he was OK.” He added, “I couldn’t believe it when the police didn’t press charges. I also sent the video to social services who have been sending someone round to see her regularly, but anyone can put an act on in front of them.”Yes, a social worker has been paying visits to Heather and her now one-year-old son, Jonathon (not a typo). What did they have to say about all this? Well in a report they wrote, “On a scale of 1-10 (1 being the softest, 10 being the hardest)… the blows are around 5 or 6." So that must mean that anything under a 7.5 does not count as child abuse. Picture it in terms of those strongman tower games at carnivals; the ones where you have a mallet and have to hit the base as hard as you can for a puck inside the tower to hit a bell all the way up top. Heather Thorpe didn't manage to ring the bell, meaning she doesn't get to go to jail. Rather she only had enough strength to hit somewhere in the middle, meaning maybe she got a small stuffed animal.The strangest part of all this is that perhaps Heather is right. Her son might be some sort of super-baby. The Daily Mail writes, “Mr. Hanlon released the video over a year after the event took place because a local paper ran a story last week about how Jonathon was a precocious 'superkid,' quoting Miss Thorpe claiming he could walk, talk, and read at the age of one.” Not only that, but Heather and Jonathon also made headlines months before when she gave birth to him “almost instantly in her parents' lounge." She was in labor for only five minutes, and out came Jonathon, hard as a rock. She also bragged to her social worker that at six-weeks-old, Jonathon could do the “V-sign” with his fingers on command. Don't be fooled, that does not stand for “victory," it stands for “vengeance”. As in, “Mess with me and I will seek vengeance.”Now before expectant mothers ditch the Mozart CDs and spark some belly-punching craze in an effort to make their infants smarter, know that Jonathon was lucky to be born in healthy condition. Sean Hanlon also says that Heather would punch herself during pregnancy because, “she wanted the baby to come out." Heather, is obviously pretty crazy (and pretty weak if she could only muster a 6 on the "baby smashing scale"). I urge all new parents to stick to standard nurturing practices, such as loving and kissing your baby. Cradle them, and provide them with a calm, nonviolent environment. Sure, your baby might seem like a total weak sissy for the first few years of its life, but give them some time.@JustAboutGlad
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