I Have a Dream
That badgers will one day live in a nation where they will not be culled.
Vaginas Are Ugly
I want to oppose bullshit obscenity laws but female genitals just look so gross.
What's the Difference Between Babies and Dogs?
Dogs dream, babies don't.
Sometimes I Forget How to Exist Offline
It turns out there's a whole world outside of (3) Twitter / Interactions.
I Spent a Week Trapped with a Racist at the Top of Meth Mountain
His massive dog really scared my kid.
People in Los Angeles Say the Strangest Things
Everyone's so kooky here. Except me, I'm just aggressive.
Oliver Bernard, Boris Johnson and the Nature of British Greatness
The Mayor's mega airport misses the point.
Cupcake Vibrators Exist, Depressingly
Congratulations, world, you've somehow managed to make wanking twee.
Death to Exclamation Marks
Courgettes!! Toilet roll!! AAA batteries!!!!! Oyster Card top up!!!!!!!!! Grazia!!!!!!!!!!!
It Is Important for Humans to Have Regrets
Otherwise we'd be just like Karl Lagerfeld, or Tony Blair.
It's Time for Kim and Kanye's Baby to Claim Her Rightful Position as Global Leader
Let's bow down to North West, our virgin lizard queen.
What Do 'Mad' Frankie Fraser and Peppa Pig's Dad Have in Common?
They're both weirdly loveable male authority figures.
Here Are My Ideas for a New Female Sex Pill
Lybrido manufacturers, if you read this, here's what I would like a sex pill to do.
In Ibiza with Endless House
Maybe I'm an old raver now, too.
I Went To the Top of the Shard and Felt Feelings
The whole building is the punchline to someone else's joke.
Three Things That Happened to Me This Week That Were More Punk Than the Punk Met Gala Ball
My life is so full of anarchy.
Summer's Here and Everyone's Looking for New Sex
In the parks, in the pubs, in the past.
East London, You're Killing Me
A place full of stories without any morals.
I Have Decided to Stand For Election
Things are going to change around here, Nick Clegg.