PEN PALS
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The Trials of Job
It's hard to find work as a felon. Full story
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Bert Meets a Real Rapper Who’s a Year Out of Prison
A lotta dudes in prison are rappers, but I don’t pay them much mind. Full story
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Addiction Isn't a Disease, I'm Just a Dick
It’s an insult to anyone with cancer to suggest that addiction is a disease of similar nature. Full story
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RockBottom Heads Toward Bottom
The early morning air stunk of pissy pussy and unwashed balls. Full story
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Prisons I've Known and Yelped
I’m the ORIGINAL prison reviewer. Full story
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Home Is Where the Prison Is
Should we force people out on parole to carry smartphones and wear monitoring anklets? Full story
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HardWhite Loves Twerk ’n’ Jerk
The latest installment of our prison correspondent's hood novel. Full story
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Down in the Hole
The cops definitely use the box as a tool, and it’s been seriously overused. Full story
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Prisons Punish Families Too
Imagine your dad was locked up for most of your life. Full story
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Incorrect Officers
Daaamn! Look at this prison guard who’s having a cop killer’s baby after banging him behind bars! Full story
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Rehab or Prison?
The big difference is that in rehab there are chicks. Full story
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Rappin' Wif Rockbottom
"That dude is smoother than silky sperm!” Full story
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God Behind Bars
I guess I haven’t hit rock bottom yet, ‘cause I don’t believe religion will save me. Full story
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HardWhite, an Introduction
Our prison correspondent tries his hand at hood fiction. Full story
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Holidays in Jail
For the two million Americans in prison, the holidays are a terrible time. Full story
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Slaying the Snot-Sneezing Dragon
Fuck writing about jail, I’m all about makin’ sperm rain these days. Full story
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Pissin’ Out the Pain
I'm going to jail again, but I'll be damned if I wet myself on the way. Full story
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I'm in Love with This Fake Pussy
Tenga is the best snatch on Earth times 20. Full story
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Pen Pals - Getting $$ in the Clink-Clink
Gambling in jail. Full story
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Pen Pals - The People You Meet in Prison
I sat face to face with a heartless murderer and realised we had some things in common. Full story
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Pen Pals - My Bloody Valentine
Our prison correspondent wrote these poems. They are mainly about boning. Full story
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Pen Pals - Jailhouse Rap
Today, Bert Burykill shares some of his songs with us. Yes, he is a rapper too. Full story
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Pen Pals - Where Love Goes to Die
My ex-girl wrote this letter to me as she sat in a cell across the hall at the county jail. Full story
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Pen Pals - A Day on the Inside
An average day in jail is just boring, so you have to amuse yourself. I took up cock puppetry. Full story
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Pen Pals - The Perils of Piss Tests
I have pissed in a cup at least 100 times, and I still haven't learned a damn thing. Full story
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Pen Pals - A Dispatch from the Inside
I can't even shit without dreams of being anally pleasured by some fat bitch's tongue. Full story
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Pen Pals - The Right to Blow Loads
Defended by someone who's actually jerked it in a cell. Full story
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Pen Pals – New Year's Sleaze
A blood-speckled shart in the free world is more enticing than a NYE locked up. Full story
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Pen Pals - That Post-Prison Glow
Even before I came to jail I was above-average bonerable. Full story
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If You Build Her, You Will Cum
I call my rubber glove/artificial vagina "Suzy" (in some circles, it's called "Fifi") and she loves me 'cause I give her me bone sweet 'n' tender long time. Yeah. Full story
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Pen Pals - A Trip Down Memory Row
Austerity's Drug of Choice
Sisa is tearing its way through Athens' poor.
Topless Jihad
Hanging out with the ladies of Femen.
The Tropical Dystopian World of Timo Vaitinen
Horned gods and warlocks.
We Helped Save This Man's Face
He is getting the porn website tattoos removed.
People Are Building A Clock In A Mountain
Apparently it'll change our perception of time.
Twitter Thinks Angelina Jolie Is Nothing Without Breasts
It's really, really depressing.