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PEN PALS

  • The Trials of Job

    It's hard to find work as a felon. Full story

    2013 May 15 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Bert Meets a Real Rapper Who’s a Year Out of Prison

    A lotta dudes in prison are rappers, but I don’t pay them much mind. Full story

    2013 May 9 Bert Burykill Music
    5
    8
  • Addiction Isn't a Disease, I'm Just a Dick

    It’s an insult to anyone with cancer to suggest that addiction is a disease of similar nature. Full story

    2013 May 2 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • RockBottom Heads Toward Bottom

    The early morning air stunk of pissy pussy and unwashed balls. Full story

    2013 Apr 12 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Prisons I've Known and Yelped

    I’m the ORIGINAL prison reviewer. Full story

    2013 Apr 8 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Home Is Where the Prison Is

    Should we force people out on parole to carry smartphones and wear monitoring anklets? Full story

    2013 Mar 19 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • HardWhite Loves Twerk ’n’ Jerk

    The latest installment of our prison correspondent's hood novel. Full story

    2013 Mar 7 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Down in the Hole

    The cops definitely use the box as a tool, and it’s been seriously overused. Full story

    2013 Feb 28 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Prisons Punish Families Too

    Imagine your dad was locked up for most of your life. Full story

    2013 Feb 21 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Incorrect Officers

    Daaamn! Look at this prison guard who’s having a cop killer’s baby after banging him behind bars! Full story

    2013 Feb 12 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Rehab or Prison?

    The big difference is that in rehab there are chicks. Full story

    2013 Jan 31 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Rappin' Wif Rockbottom

    "That dude is smoother than silky sperm!” Full story

    2013 Jan 23 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • God Behind Bars

    I guess I haven’t hit rock bottom yet, ‘cause I don’t believe religion will save me. Full story

    2013 Jan 16 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • HardWhite, an Introduction

    Our prison correspondent tries his hand at hood fiction. Full story

    2013 Jan 8 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Holidays in Jail

    For the two million Americans in prison, the holidays are a terrible time. Full story

    2013 Jan 3 Bert Burykill NSFW
    5
    8
  • Slaying the Snot-Sneezing Dragon

    Fuck writing about jail, I’m all about makin’ sperm rain these days. Full story

    2012 Dec 11 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Pissin’ Out the Pain

    I'm going to jail again, but I'll be damned if I wet myself on the way. Full story

    2012 Dec 6 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • I'm in Love with This Fake Pussy

    Tenga is the best snatch on Earth times 20. Full story

    2012 Oct 29 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Pen Pals - Getting $$ in the Clink-Clink

    Gambling in jail. Full story

    2012 Apr 2 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Pen Pals - The People You Meet in Prison

    I sat face to face with a heartless murderer and realised we had some things in common. Full story

    2012 Mar 13 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Pen Pals - My Bloody Valentine

    Our prison correspondent wrote these poems. They are mainly about boning. Full story

    2012 Feb 17 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Pen Pals - Jailhouse Rap

    Today, Bert Burykill shares some of his songs with us. Yes, he is a rapper too. Full story

    2012 Feb 9 Bert Burykill Music
    5
    8
  • Pen Pals - Where Love Goes to Die

    My ex-girl wrote this letter to me as she sat in a cell across the hall at the county jail. Full story

    2012 Feb 2 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Pen Pals - A Day on the Inside

    An average day in jail is just boring, so you have to amuse yourself. I took up cock puppetry. Full story

    2012 Jan 27 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Pen Pals - The Perils of Piss Tests

    I have pissed in a cup at least 100 times, and I still haven't learned a damn thing. Full story

    2012 Jan 23 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Pen Pals - A Dispatch from the Inside

    I can't even shit without dreams of being anally pleasured by some fat bitch's tongue. Full story

    2012 Jan 12 Monroe NSFW
    5
    8
  • Pen Pals - The Right to Blow Loads

    Defended by someone who's actually jerked it in a cell. Full story

    2012 Jan 11 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Pen Pals – New Year's Sleaze

    A blood-speckled shart in the free world is more enticing than a NYE locked up. Full story

    2012 Jan 3 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Pen Pals - That Post-Prison Glow

    Even before I came to jail I was above-average bonerable. Full story

    2011 Sep 29 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • If You Build Her, You Will Cum

    I call my rubber glove/artificial vagina "Suzy" (in some circles, it's called "Fifi") and she loves me 'cause I give her me bone sweet 'n' tender long time. Yeah. Full story

    2011 Sep 2 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
  • Pen Pals - A Trip Down Memory Row

    … Full story

    2011 Jul 7 Bert Burykill Stuff
    5
    8
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  • Top Stories
  • Latest
  • Most Popular
  • I Went Snooping Around Nicolas Cage's House

    And it was kind of upsetting.

  • Some Photographs from the All About Pets Show

    Canada's largest pet convention has a lot to see, apparently.

  • Hearing from Three Guantanamo Bay Prisoners Who've Been On Hunger Strike for 100 Days

    What life is like inside the prison camp.

  • Gavin Haynes' Sleepless Nights: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Dickhead

    The silly spy game farce of Ryan Fogle.

  • Saudi Arabia Isn't Having a Feminist Revolution

    Weirdly, Saudi photographer Nouf Alhimiary thinks being allowed to cycle doesn't count as women's rights.

  • Thought and Memory

    Back in 2008, when my first novel came out, my publisher sent me on a West Coast tour.

  • Greg Palast's Column: I Upset My Least Favourite Big Fat Greek Minister

    Theodoros Pangalos doesn't like talking about Greece's economic collapse.

  • I Tested Out Three of Cambodia's Spiritual Practices

    And learned that Cambodian ghosts apparently don't believe in Jesus.

  • The Wizard of the Saddle Rides Again

    The KKK protested renaming a park that memorialised one of the most infamous racists ever.

  • VICE News: This Is What Winning Looks Like

    A documentary about the ineptitude and corruption of the Afghan security forces.

  • VICE News: Sisa: Cocaine of the Poor

    A new drug called sisa is tearing its way through Athens' poor.

  • Some Rich People Are Building a Giant Clock Inside a Mountain

    It's going to run for 10,000 years and will apparently change how we understand time itself.

  • Should Murderers Be Allowed State-Funded Sex Changes?

    Michelle Kosilek, an American prisoner who wants one, certainly seems to think so.

  • VICE on HBO Outtakes: Mormon Lost Boys - Nikita's Story

    She spoke with us about her upbringing in a polygamous family.

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  • Really, Ryan? : Gay Men and Their Not-So-Cute Misogyny Problem

    It's not OK to call your lady friends dumb sluts just because you like the same private parts.

  • Dogmageddon: Don't Bet on the Apocalypse

    Or you'll end up dead broke, instead of just plain dead.

  • I'm Hunting Down the Fat Fetishist Who Has My Stolen Laptop

    He likes big ladies and lives in a maisonette.

  • Menk, by John Doran: Don't Tell Me That the High Rise Has to End

    If you see my DJing, please don't give me drugs.

  • Pretty Girl Bullshit: 'Too Pretty to Work' Laura Fernee Is a Mirror to Our Own Stupidity

    Part 3,456 of the age-old tabloid morality sham.

  • Question of the Day: What's the Best YouTube Video You've Ever Seen?

    "The worst videos I've seen are of animal murders."

  • I Tested Out Three of Cambodia's Spiritual Practices

    And learned that Cambodian ghosts apparently don't believe in Jesus.

  • Greg Palast's Column: I Upset My Least Favourite Big Fat Greek Minister

    Theodoros Pangalos doesn't like talking about Greece's economic collapse.

  • Is Tropical in Mongolia: Part One

    We followed Is Tropical, as they became one of the first Western bands to ever perform in Mongolia.

  • Thought and Memory

    Back in 2008, when my first novel came out, my publisher sent me on a West Coast tour.

  • Saudi Arabia Isn't Having a Feminist Revolution

    Weirdly, Saudi photographer Nouf Alhimiary thinks being allowed to cycle doesn't count as women's rights.

  • Gavin Haynes' Sleepless Nights: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Dickhead

    The silly spy game farce of Ryan Fogle.

  • Swimwear in Film Can Be Pretty Awkward

    And more film stuff from the Grolsch Film Works blog.

  • This Week in Racism: Former Italian Prime Minister Dressed up Strippers to Look Like Barack Obama

    Who would think that's sexy?

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  • VICE News: Sisa: Cocaine of the Poor

    A new drug called sisa is tearing its way through Athens' poor.

  • I Tested Out Three of Cambodia's Spiritual Practices

    And learned that Cambodian ghosts apparently don't believe in Jesus.

  • VICE on HBO Outtakes: The Fat Farms of Mauritania

    Appetite-inducing pills have become the new way to pack on the pounds.

  • Meet the Malaysian Neo-Nazis Fighting for a Pure Malay Race

    They know Nazis don't like Asian people, but they don't care.

  • VICE News: White Student Union - Trailer

    A documentary about race, class and self-righteous college students yelling at each other.

  • Austerity's Drug of Choice

    Greece's infamous new drug, sisa, is meth mixed with filler ingredients like battery acid.

  • Greg Palast's Column: I Upset My Least Favourite Big Fat Greek Minister

    Theodoros Pangalos doesn't like talking about Greece's economic collapse.

  • I Spent the Weekend Watching Topless Feminists Piss Off Neo-Nazis

    Hanging out with Femen in Paris was a blast.

  • VICE News: This Is What Winning Looks Like

    A documentary about the ineptitude and corruption of the Afghan security forces.

  • Who’s Getting Rich off the Prison-Industrial Complex?

    A rundown of some of America's incarceration investors.

  • Interviewing South African Rape Victims Isn't Easy When You're Disfigured

    It's said that in the South African townships, disfigurement is associated with witchcraft.

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  • Austerity's Drug of Choice Sisa is tearing its way through Athens' poor.
  • Topless Jihad Hanging out with the ladies of Femen.
  • The Tropical Dystopian World of Timo Vaitinen Horned gods and warlocks.
  • We Helped Save This Man's Face He is getting the porn website tattoos removed.
  • People Are Building A Clock In A Mountain Apparently it'll change our perception of time.
  • Twitter Thinks Angelina Jolie Is Nothing Without Breasts It's really, really depressing.
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