VEGAN MEAT FEAST PIZZA - THE RECIPE
I'd always assumed that vegans were all inherently miserable, self-righteous asswipes. But then I realised, maybe they're just super grumpy because they've been shut out from the pleasures of junk food?
So I decided to cobble together a Vegan (Fake) Meat Feast Pizza that won't leave them alone with a rumbling tummy, while all their animal eating mates are out stuffing their faces.
1 x cup warm water
2 ½ x teaspoons active dry yeast
3 x cups all-purpose bread
some x seasoning for the dough
1 x pack vegan frankfurters
1 x pack vegan beanburgers
1 x pack of some other vegan meat product I didn't understand.
A LOT x seasoning
1 x pack of falafel (crumbled)
1 x tin chopped tomatoes
lots x hummus
lots x seeds
Sprinkle the yeast into the warm water. It'll look like sea monkeys and smell like thrush. This is normal. Leave it to settle for five minutes.
Dump all the flour in a bowl, make a well in the center and tip in your yeasty slosh.
Mix thoroughly until, uhm, dough like. Set to one side somewhere warm, and leave it to snuggle.
Meanwhile, chop up then fry off the fake meat with plenty of seasoning, (like A LOT of salt) and some olive oil until vaguely acceptable looking. Put to one side.
Now you've left the dough to get all magically puffy, punch it back into submission and flatten into a pizza shape.
For the stuffed crust, sprinkle the crumbled falafel along the edge, and roll carefully into a dough sleeping bag.
Now, slop on some chopped tomatoes.
And then some blobs of hummus.
Sprinkle with seeds and your now seasoned fake meat.
Bake in the oven until golden and edible looking.
That wasn't even that hard! A big slab of vegan comfort food, that won't have your meat-eating friends gagging in horror.
Previously: Girl Eats Food - Drunken Jerk Chicken Patti
Really fucking hungry? Check out Joanna Fuertes-Knight's (totally free) online cookbook! It's got every Girl Eats Food recipe ever in it.
More From This Show
Time to get ourselves acquainted with those doesn't-even-have-a-sell-by-date foods at the back of our cupboard.
Let's make really scary ingredients, really tasty.
A big slab of vegan comfort food, that won't have your meat-eating friends gagging in horror.
A portable and pre-cooked carnival patty you'll be happy to dance with.
They may be the flamboyant gay man of the booze world, but that shouldn't stop scumbags like you and I getting crunk on them.
A snack more doped up than Dwain Chambers.
A dairy extravaganza that'll put your after-dinner cheeseboard to shame.
Dirty fried chicken doesn't have to be from Dixy's at 3AM on a Friday night.
Time to cook ourselves some baked goods with real balls.
Uniting the American South's two finest delicacies: Slow-cooked pig and DJ Screw's drank of choice.