A weekly roundup of anything fashion-related that's made us excited about having bodies that we can dress with clothes.
FETISH IS FASHION
An inordinate amount of modern fashion derives from fetishwear, but, in this stunted age of censorship and repression, credit is never given where its due. Those knee-high leather boots your mum was wearing last time you met her for lunch? They originated in some sweat-ridden latex dungeon in 1890s Bavaria, but Dorothy Perkins won't write that on their website because they're pussies.
Best Fetish Finds is a blog that amalgamates a ton of amateur fetishwear photos hidden in the dark recesses of Flickr and shines the light on them that they so deserve. For example, did you know the outfit above directly inspired the dress Michelle Obama wore at the Inauguration ball?
So far, Jeremy Scott is the only person on the planet to send mini-dresses accessorised with burqas down a runway. I'm undecided whether that's good or bad so far. As part of the same 'Arab Spring' SS13 collection, he teamed up with New Era to make a limited run of fitted caps.
Together, they came up with nine hats in leopard print, patent croc, blue snakeskin, fringing and some dollar signs thrown in for a bit of subtlety. It sounds a bit like an exotic slot machine, which isn’t too far off the truth, considering the whole collection appears to be inspired by Dubai's plastic glamour and accidental trashiness. New Era haven’t yet confirmed whether or not these are going on sale to pathetic plebs like you and I, so expect to see them on all your really hot friends with way better hook-ups than you until they do.
The internet has revolutionised my life in three ways. First, it got me a job. Second, it allowed me to share naked pictures of myself with strangers in a much more convenient way than illegal flypasting. Lastly, it's made buying homoerotic Beavis & Butthead t-shirts SO much easier.
THE JAPANESE HAVE INVENTED A WEARABLE TAIL THAT YOU CONTROL WITH YOUR MIND
Neurowear, the Japanese company who brought you necomimi, those wearable fluffy cat ears that you can control with your mind, just released the teaser video for their next totally worthwhile, massively anticipated product: a wearable tail that moves according to your mood.
Using a pulse monitor and something that measures your brain waves to decipher what emotion you're feeling, the tail reacts accordingly, wagging furiously if you're happy and wobbling flacidly if you're sad. I know that sounds pretty run-of-the-mill at the moment, but the real sell here is that you can hook the tail up to a phone app that geo-tags your varying emotions, so every single one of your Facebook friends can see how you're feeling in real time and bombard you with notifications. That's all anyone really wants in a piece of clothing anyway, right?
SOMEONE DESIGNED SOME LINGERIE I ACTUALLY WANT TO WEAR
There are certain things about sexy lingerie that totally cringe me out. For example, you can’t trust anyone in a g-string. That’s not an insult or anything, just a general rule everyone should adhere to. That said, there are some pros to lingerie. For example, every girl (without crippling body image issues) knows that there’s nothing better than dancing around in underwear that actually matches.
Kitsune have hit the ball out of the park with their new Yasmine Eslami-designed lingerie collection. It’s a panty and non-underwired bra, which is tiny enough to be smoking hot without looking like you picked it up from the "demure" section at La Senza. Made of striped tulle and stretched muslin, they also happen to be 100 percent see-through, which is an added bonus. Plus, I fucking dig the glimpse of bush in the advert. Get screwed, Victoria’s Secret.
DAVID LYNCH NEEDS TO SUE LANA DEL LAME
Besides the ad campaign that's spread through Zones 1 to 5 faster than a particularly aggresive strain of herpes at Gathering of the Juggalos, H&M also produced this totally edgy video of Lana Del Ray singing "Blue Velvet" to promote their new line.
Let’s just break down all of the reasons why David Lynch should sue H&M for releasing this promo, because, although he may have opened an embarrassingly pretentious club in Paris, he’s still almost definitely above allowing a remake of Twin Peaks to promote clothes that look like they came out of a bag in your aunt’s attic. Reason 1: Lana on the sofa. 2: the Lana look-alikes. 3: the MIDGET IN A SUIT. I’m sorry, but they might as well have had a cameo from log lady. Worst part about it? The top comment on Youtube is: “I love the symbolism of the whole commercial. SO UNIQUE.” Urgh.
Do you like hats and fashion designers and wearing clothes? Try these: