Champagne Coloured Cashmere Is Yellow Cashmere
A weekly roundup of anything fashion-related that's made us excited about having bodies that we can dress with clothes.
VICTORIA'S SECRET REALISED THE DREAMS OF TWEENS EVERYWHERE
So the Victoria’s Secret show happened, and as always it blew chunks of Justin Bieber flavoured vomit over any kind of serious fashion show that may have happened in New York last fashion week (probably none to be fair). This VS show was of particular note because there were three British models in high-heeled trainers (not the fashionable kind) parading down the runway in latex costumes stolen straight out of a spin-off fembot porn film. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, it’s more the inherent awkwardness of disturbingly beautiful 19-year-olds trying to bop down the catwalk while Rihanna sways and sashays around them not quite knowing whether or not to interact with skinny white bitches who wouldn’t know what good weed was if it bit them on the nose. Although I’m sure people genuinely like Victoria’s secret for the silky PJ’s and silver sequin Ugg boots that they make, by far the best thing about them IMO is how they make it possible to watch videos of models trying to pose sexily while struggling under the weight of some hideous gigantic wings that look like they were dreamed up by the campest computer game addict that’s ever lived. In hindsight, maybe Will.i.am is on their design team.
HYPNOTIZED HAVE MADE AN ACTUALLY COOL MUSIC VIDEO
We love it when a plan comes together! For Brighton band Hypnotized’s new video, Eleanor Hardwick has directed a Lord of the Flies inspired video featuring some of our favourite new London designers including Annie Phillips and Leutton Postle. The collaboration came about after Eleanor heard the demo of new single ‘Sunhouse’ on a train journey and ended up listening to it on repeat until she had the idea for the video completely planned out in her head. Maybe she was channeling the spirit of William Golding, when she was inspired to re-create his famous plot-line using kids in brightly coloured furs, highly textured embellished jackets, and shit loads of symbolism and sand. Or maybe not, who knows.
CHAMPAGNE COLOURED CASHMERE
I think the thought police might be monitoring Kanye West's fashion dreams (the only kind of dreams he has TBF), because these are suspiciously like what I imagine he would think up in a hot tub in Dubai, possibly brainstorming style tips with Kim. Introducing a pair of hobo gloves that have been designed as a collaboration between Marc Jacobs and Veuve Clicquot (they make that medium price champagne that rappers drink, dumbass). What better kind of cashmere could there be than one in the classic obnoxious orange/gold of the bottle sticker. Plus you can still tweet about how cool they are while you're wearing them. These are actually only $35 so I'm going to stop joking about how shit they are and just buy a pair. I swear they're going to clash with absolutely everything in my wardrobe though :(
SLAP YOURSELF SEXY
San Francisco wants to abuse you for money. Well ok not the entire city, but health practitioner Rassameesaitarn Wongsirodkul (or 'Tata' to her friends, who I'm guessing there are a very limited number of) is willing to slap your face back to beautiful for the small price of £220 and all of your modesty. Before immediately booking yourself in for a session, please bear in mind that there is absolutely no medical evidence that this can improve your complexion whatsoever, although the swelling and flushing could make you look a bit post-botox, which I guess is a good thing if you want to look like Lindsay Lohan. If that appeals to you, I'd recommend skipping out the middle man and repeatedly slapping yourself in the face instead. You'll save loads of money, and you'll probably absolve yourself of some sins in the eyes of the Lord at the same time. Winsies!
EVERYBODY STILL LOVES NY
That bitch Sandy has really fucked everything up in New York. She even stormed Marc Jacobs’ house (without an invite, fashion suicide), forcing him to move uptown and leave behind all of his man skirts, forlorn and soggy. I mean fuck, what’s a guy to do without his man skirts?! Hopefully he can borrow some from Usher. Anyway, to help him (and all the other victims) out, artist Sebastian Errazuriz has designed the I Still Love New York t-shirt, to raise funds for Hurricane Sandy relief. The t-shirt’s design was inspired by the water line mark on the walls of flooded art galleries in New York’s Chelsea but sticks to the kinda exhausted I heart NY motif to ensure it gets max sales. Oh well, be cute to the world and give whatever the £ equivalent to 40 bucks is, in return for a tee to make the people of New York happy again.