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Since Friday, people who like guns have been arguing with people who don't like guns about whether or not people should be allowed to have guns, after the Newtown school shooting left 26 people – including 20 children – dead. I'm going to go ahead and assume that, by this point, you've already seen that video of Piers Morgan and a gun-crazed Kermit the Frog screaming at each other on CNN, and read about that Morgan Freeman hoax, and so this isn't news to you.
What I'm willing to bet you don't already know is that it was the US's lack of a flat-out ban on abortion that caused this whole, sorry mess. Think about it: Aren't violent murders just like the ones committed by Adam Lanza taking place every single day in abortion clinics across America? Isn’t having someone suck non-sentient jelly out of your uterus like, exactly the same as stealing your mum's guns, killing her, killing a bunch of schoolkids and then killing yourself?
Of course it is. Which is why I'm thrilled that shy and retiring ex-SNL-comedian-turned-Tea-Party-televangelist Victoria Jackson has spoken up to say what the Sandy Hook tragedy has secretly had us all thinking:
In reality, you're not an idiot, and you know that Victoria's post wasn't really about Newtown at all. Her argument – in essence, that young men are either so sad or so jealous that women and doctors have been doing all the kid-killing in America for the last 20 years that they wanted to get in on the action themselves – is too absurd for that to be possible. Instead, her post exists merely so that she can piggy-back on one of the greatest tragedies in modern American history, and ride around on it pointing at terrified young women, screaming at them that they shouldn't have abortions.
Jackson's been on my radar for a while now. My obsession with her began when she posted a couple of videos about homosexuality being ev-ull, and I was confused because all the signs seemed to point to her being a right-on kinda chick, the sort of Pretty Girl I'd like to hang out with. Sadly, beneath the Courtney Love hairstyle, behind that Lucy-from-Twin-Peaks voice and in spite of the stint on SNL, it quickly became apparent that she's probably a complete bitch.
For a long time I took to thinking that Jackson might actually be a super-troll, a "supporter' of the American Right in the same way that Samantha Brick is a feminist, writing bible chapters on her cleavage in sharpie, bumbling around Democrat rallies talking about how babies conceived from rape are a blessing from God. But nope, turns out she’s pretty much legit cruel, all the way from the top of her bow, down to her assertion that abortion promotes homosexuality. Check out this video, in which she bonds with Dr Tim Johnson over the shared conviction that women having choices is bad, or this one, in which she arrives at the conclusion that Islam is merely Nazism, but "with a religious twist".
While there’s an argument that men whose partners choose to abort their children often go through an emotional struggle that is underestimated or ignored, I doubt very much that it was this which drove Lanza – or James Holmes, for that matter – to behave in the way that they have done this year. I certainly haven't seen anyone else putting that forward as a motive. And, if America's abortion laws are lax, then the UK is like a 24-hour drop-in clinic, but there haven't been many child killing sprees here recently. (Just a truckload of paedophiles, but that's for another day. Or maybe every day, given the rate of knots at which the darkness seems to be oozing from every sector of British society.)
It's not like America's relaxing its policies either; this year has seen more restrictions on abortion enforced since the Roe vs Wade decision in 1973. On the 12th of December (yeah, like a week ago), the Michigan senate passed a law which if signed off by their Governor, will prohibit the use of telemedicine (being prescribed medication over the phone/email, etc). A move which will severely impact on the rights of poor women from rural areas. It also requires doctors to ask invasive questions in order to work out whether or not the woman's being coerced into the abortion against her will. There doesn't seem to be a huge concern about probing women about whether they're doing it for the lulz, does there?
To argue that the ability for a woman to abort a child in the US is causing disgruntled young wannabe fathers to go out and shoot kids, is even more ridiculous than Victoria's inane, lisping voice. Lanza was a 20-year-old, home-schooled loner, so it seems unlikely that the abortion debate was at the centre of his horrific breakdown. Likewise for the aforementioned James Holmes, who has since blamed his murders on the psychological manipulation of a sadistic therapist. Or how about the murder of seven Sikhs in a temple in August by a deranged and confused white supremacist? There's not much of a pattern here.
If you want to read an interesting, thoughtful piece about the shooting, Warren Ellis is your guy. If you want to read about a woman who thinks that people should be allowed to rape prostitutes with impunity, and that talking about greenhouse gases is a tell-tale sign of Marxism, then stick with the crazy American aunt no one wants over for Christmas this year.
Follow Bertie on Twitter: @bertiebrandes