LYNCH NUT FINALE

Back in November we launched

an essay contest

for David Lynch fans with the dueling themes "Who's the better villain, Frank Booth or BOB from

Twin Peaks

?" or "Who would you rather, Laura Palmer or Audrey Horne?" After wading through a few too many pieces of far-too-graphic

Twin Peaks

slash-fic, we decided to backpedal on the "Laura v. Audrey" question and simply award the two best respondents to "Booth vs. BOB" with their own autographed copy of

Catching the Big Fish

. You may read them below. Congratulations, boys.

WINNER 1: FRANK BOOTH

This is not even a contest, match, race, or whatever you may like to call it. Naming it as such would imply that there is more than one contender. Not to take anything away from Bob, but Frank Booth is easily one of the best villains in cinematic history (if not one of the most quotable). There are layers upon layers that Dennis Hooper brought out in the Frank Booth character. It is truly rare to get a character that is brutally scary, uncompromisingly perverted, bizarre, darkly humorous, and, yet, you find yourself apathetic towards the creep. As you watch the movie you cannot help but think what would turn a human being into such a monster. Reading the bio on any serial killer you find that younger years of the person's life were not sunny skies and chocolates. Watching Frank Booth go to work in Blue Velvet you have to imagine that his childhood and adolescence were somewhere left of the norm. What kind of hell did Frank endure in order to become the embodiment of hell itself? However, when art works, it works on different levels. It offers a little something for everyone to enjoy. You do not have to look deep into the psyche of Frank Booth to enjoy the display he puts on. You can take him at face value and be frightened of his unforgiving sexual and criminal acts. At other times you can sit back and enjoy his simplistic and unintentional humor ("No, I want you to fuck it."). Above it all you can take in a truly unique villain created by one the great minds in movies and perfected by an actor willing to completely commit to a character that in ways reflected his own life. It is hard for me to believe that anyone giving Blue Velvet an objective watch would not find something fascinating about Frank Booth. To not appreciate him on some level is to have absolutely no taste in art. JASON EDMUND CHMARA

WINNER 2: BOB

I'm going to have to go w/ BOB on this one. First off, BOB was played by a homosexual lighting guy named Frank Silva (RIP). In true Lynch fashion, Silva was drafted serendipitously into his role. Lynch, like Bob Ross, works well with "happy mistakes." Appear in a shot accidentally, end up scaring legions of fans for the rest of their lives. Frank Booth is someone you can imagine. Bob is something David imagined. Who thinks of scarier stuff? Dave does. I had nightmare for years about Bob and his greasy hair. Years. Frank Booth never scared me outside of my viewing

Blue Velvet

. If the above doesn't convince you, Bob has to win merely by the nature of his stature. Bob is a demon from another dimension who steals souls while Frank was a mortal who ended up getting killed by the hero. If you'll remember, Bob won when he stole Cooper's soul. Bob is not only more powerful, but he won too. Scary stuff. Frank might cut off an ear, rape, and lobotomize people, but Bob's a real badass mofo who hangs around w/ midgets in the Black Lodge. Case settled. BRIAN