The Revenge of Angela Chase
On January 26, it will be 18 years since My So-Called Life’s final episode aired. Not a day goes by where I don’t mourn its untimely cancellation. Did Angela choose Brian Krakow since he wrote all those love letters for Jordan? Did Rayanne finally express her true feelings for Angela – we all knew it was coming. Would we finally get to meet Tino? Would Rickie find his place in the world? So many questions left unanswered. Sometimes as the cast moves on to other projects, I just pretend it’s the MSCL cast growing up. For example, Brian was so devastated that Angela didn’t choose him that he changed his name to Lisa and became a lesbian-identified male on the L World who can’t get it up for Alice. Then Jordan leaves the Frozen Embryos once and for all with his brother and they start a band called 30 Seconds To Mars. He gets really creepy, so Angela leaves him to become a CIA agent on Homeland, but the whole experience has made her bi-polar. Meanwhile, Rickie moves to the Lower East Side in Rent. He doesn’t die though, in my story he hops aboard Noah’s Arc. Yes, I know I sound like a total psychopath, but if you were at all into My So-Called Life the way I was, then you will find great comfort in this warped thought process of mine.
So last night, I was doing what I usually do on a Sunday evening: wait for Homeland while Googling pictures of Claire Danes ugly crying. I came across two photos that I forgot existed. They were of Claires Danes and Jared Leto reuniting after 15 years. My boat was rocked. I was so thrown off that during Homeland I was yelling at Danes’ character Carrie through my TV as she kissed Brody. I was like, “Stop kissing him, you scuzz! You belong to Catalano!” (I really said that out loud) That’s how powerful the imagery was of these photos I found on the internets. Look at them. Just look at them!
These photos were taken back in 2010 at the Elle Style Awards in London. I’m sure Leto and Danes had bumped into each other prior to this encounter, but it wasn’t caught on film. Look at the initial encounter. We all know Jared Leto has turned into a total weirdo since his days at Liberty High School. His eyes always look vacant – even when photographed by Terry Richardson. When he bumps into Claire Danes though, that all changes. He becomes so full of life! Once again I return to my fictitious world, and here’s how the story goes…
Catalano sees Chase across the room. It’s been over a decade since their breakup. Angela is in the CIA (obvs), so she’s attending this Elle Style Awards event because someone from al-Qaeda is rumored to be winning an award for his new fashion line. Then Angela spots Jordan. He’s dressed differently – no longer wearing a flannel with tattered edges like he comes from a poor family. He is wearing silver jeggings and has a douchehawk with flecks of gray. He’s wearing an H&M women’s velvet coat with patches from militaries he’s never fought in. His smile is still kind, and he doesn’t need drops for his eyes – even though it hurts to look at Angela. Her hair is shorter and no longer “Crimson Glow.” She’s no longer hiding under a sweater like it’s her only friend in the world. They embrace. She can’t tell him why she’s there, but she’s still happy to see him. They exchange pleasantries and discuss how Rayanne’s pilots keep getting canceled, even though she’s one hell of an actress. Angela asks Jordan if he’s dating anyone. “Just my career” he replies. “And of course the Hive”. He asks Angela if she’s dating anyone. How does she explain she’s sleeping with a married turncoat P.O.W.? She hesitates to answer. Jordan asks why she’s even at the event. She has no answer for him. Just then the fashion designer from al-Qaeda is about to accept his award and she has to get on stage to detonate the bomb in his acceptance speech. “I have to go” she says to Jordan. “We definitely had a time”.
“Why are you like this?” Jordan says, his Mohawk now wilting.
“Like what?” Angela replies.
Jordan sighs, “Like how you are...”
Justice is served.
Meet the Nieratkos: Pro Skater Leo Romero Is the Mexican Johnny Cash
Meeting Earth's Strongest Men at the Top of the World
Return to the Radioactive Zone
Apparently We Can Blame Jewish Doctors for Cancer
Cry-Baby of the Week
Examining the Pull of Group Masturbation Parties
VICE News: Venezuela Rising: Dispatch Five
Epicly Later'd: Ed Templeton - Part 3
Partying with One of Burma's Largest Rebel Armies