Who Would Win in a Fight: Jesus, Muhammad, Ganesh or Buddha?
Photo by Wade M
Now, I'm not endorsing religious warfare here (is there any better sentence to introduce yourself with than that?), but when shit does kick off, history tells us it's very much the Christians and Muslims hogging all the horrifying, blood-soaked, civilisation-ruining fun. I figured some of the other religions might be getting a little insecure about humanity thinking they're pussies for never jumping in on the action, so I thought I'd help them out by pitting our two hardened warriors against a couple of other religious figureheads.
London – who would win in a fight: Jesus, Muhammad, Ganesh or Buddha?
Migael, 26 (right) and Sylvia, 26.
Because he’s a fatty. He could sit on them and squash all the life out, or just roll around on top of them and they wouldn't be able to fight back.
Who'd be the worst in a fight?
Sylvia: Jesus. He looks really unhealthy and, y'know, he has a beard and stuff. People with beards normally can't fight that well. Oh, and he's nailed to a cross, which can't help.
Very good point.
Aine, 22: Jesus, hands down.
Because he’s the only one of the lot I know anything about. He's pretty magical, which I think would help in a fight.
So he wouldn't use his fists, he'd just do a bunch of magic tricks?
Yeah, I don’t think he’d be much of a fist fighter. He comes across as a bit physically weak. Magic would be his route to victory, I think.
So your theory is that Jesus was a magician?
Maybe. A magician of his time.
Like Criss Angel.
Yes, exactly like Criss Angel.
Craig, 36: Jesus.
Because he’s got the beard.
That's funny. Someone else just said that the beard is a sign of being a shit fighter.
Well, they're wrong, aren't they? I think it’s important to have a good beard in a fight.
Muhammad had a beard, too.
Yeah, I guess he'd be pretty good, too. I think Ganesh would be the worst. I have no real idea who he is, and if he hasn't permeated my consciousness, he’s obviously not a very strong religious figure. Therefore, he’d lose.
Dave, 26: Ganesh. The rest of them are weak, little pussies.
Woah, OK. You have strong feelings towards this, obviously.
I do, yes.
Is Muhammad weak?
Yeah, definitely. Is that controversial? Am I going to get in trouble?
No, and I doubt it.
Actually, I’ve changed my mind. None of them would win, as none of them exist.
Katie, 24 (left) and Miller, 28.
Katie: Ganesh, because she has loads of heads, right?
Miller: I don’t even know what it is.
No, Ganesh is the elephant one with lots of arms.
Oh, OK. Well that still sounds pretty effective. I think we'll stick with Ganesh.
Who would be the worst?
Katie: Oh, definitely Buddha. Without a doubt. He's all about peace and tranquility, so he wouldn’t fight anyone, he’d just run away.
What about Jesus? He'd be shit, right?
I don’t know. This is all quite religious. I feel like there are religious connotations to this question.
Yeah, I feel a bit uncomfortable. I don't want to answer any more questions. Let's just say Satan would rise up and beat all of them and leave them at that.
Nice, a curveball.
I Taught Charles Bukowski All About Oral Sex
Fringes: Stories from the Edge: Nest of Giants
Here's What's in All that Coke You Did This Weekend
The Hangover News
Meet the Nieratkos: Pro Skater Leo Romero Is the Mexican Johnny Cash
Meeting Earth's Strongest Men at the Top of the World
Return to the Radioactive Zone
Apparently We Can Blame Jewish Doctors for Cancer
Cry-Baby of the Week
Examining the Pull of Group Masturbation Parties