Would You Turn Your Shit Gold If You Were Mega Rich?

I used to hate talking about being rich, because all anyone ever yapped on about was buying cars, boats and planes, and I really don't see the need in owning more than one method of transport. It's pointless and gaudy. No, I'd like to be rich purely for personal, private pleasures, like buying myself some monogrammed silk boxer shorts, like I imagine Juicy J had made the day he got his first pay cheque, or to pay a lab of scientists to work tirelessly until they devise a way for me to shit gold.

Luckily, when I make my millions, I won't have to do that second one anymore, because it turns out late artist Tobias Wong has already created 24K gold pills, costing £260, that promise to turn your "innermost parts into chambers of wealth", i.e. your shit will have little gold flakes in it. I wanted to see if there was anyone out there who shared my dream and was excited as I was at this discovery, so I went and asked some people a question: Would you turn your shit gold if you were mega rich?

Elliot, 20 and Emma, 22.

Elliot: No, I wouldn’t even pay for multivitamins, because all you're doing is paying for expensive piss. I’d buy a house, just normal stuff.
Emma: I’d go on holiday all the time.

Why would you not want to pay for gold shit?
Elliot: It just sounds like more hard work, if I’m honest.

True. It’d probably be quite painful.
It’s like, I don’t get why people have gold leaf in their toilet paper. This is just one more step up to outdo each other. I think rich people have a propensity to get crazier and crazier as they get richer and richer. Anyway couldn't you just eat some gold and it would do the same thing?

I'd imagine pure gold is more expensive than the pills. And no, you'd probably die. 
Nah, you could just swallow a gold ball bearing and be like, "Yeah, I’ve got gold in my shit." It’d save on costs.

Please don't do that. I would feel awful if you died.

Abdeep, 25 (left), Muhammad, 18 (centre) and Junide, 18.

Abdeep: What chemicals are in the pill?

It’s got gold inside it.
Junide: What! So when you shit, it’s gold?

It’s not a solid gold shit, but yes, there are fragments of gold in there.
Abdeep: HELL yes!
Muhammad: Oh hell yeah, definitely.
Junide: I’d be shitting gold all day, every day, bruv.

Wouldn’t you want to spend the money on something else?
I wouldn’t, because when you shit, you’d have gold. You’d see your shit and be like, "Oh, it’s gold." Wait, how much does they cost?

They're $420.
That’s not even that much money. It’s like £300.
Junide: Gold digger! High Roller!

Wow, I've got you guys excited. I'll leave you now.

Joe, 18 (left) and Thomas, 19.

Thomas: Of course I would. What sort of a question is that?

A very legitimate one. How would you justify spending all that money, though? 
Uh, duh. Because I'd be shitting gold.
Joe: I’d do it purely so I could take pictures of it and upload it to Facebook so that all my friends could see I'm a gold-shitter.
Thomas: Gold-shitter – nice! I’d Instagram it and put a filter on top.

Wouldn’t you want to spend the money on something else?
I’d buy tissue roll that cost £300.

You could just use bank notes as toilet paper
Yeah, yeah! Like, "Wipe me with my riches."

Charlotte, 25 (left) and Michelle, 28.

Michelle: So, there’s a pill that makes you shit gold? That’s fantastic.
Charlotte: It’s just, like, fragments, though. It’s just little bits.
Michelle: Yeah, but that doesn’t matter – you're shitting gold.

So this is something you'd be interested in buying?
Michelle: No.
Charlotte: I think I would because I'm already kind of intrigued. I’d want to take a picture of it.

Would you share it on Facebook?
Michelle: Would you Instagram it, Char?
Charlotte: I’d just show close friends.
Michelle: What, like if you've got a picture of a fat dick?
Charlotte: Oh my god, this is hilarious. I’m glad this isn’t going on TV.

No, but it is going on the internet. 
Oh god! Yeah, I don't think I'd buy it for myself. But, I suppose if you had a really rich friend, you could give it to them for Christmas. What do you buy for the person that has everything already? A pill to make their shit gold.

Well put.

David, 23: What would I want a gold shit for?

You could show it off to strangers on the internet.
I don’t think so. That’s not really for me. I’m not really on that type of steeze, to be honest, mate.

Okay, fair enough. So let's say you can't deal with the excitement of having gold shit – what would you spend your riches on?
I’d go on holiday. Have you seen the weather, mate?

Of course, we’re outside. It’s shit.
I’d go to somewhere nice in the Caribbean or Barbados or something and chill on the sandy beaches.

You wouldn’t want to buy diamonds or anything?
If I had a girl to get diamonds for, yeah, I’d do it. But not for myself, bruv.

Previously - Which Historical Figure Would You Least Like to Look Like?