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choose your own adventure

Choose Your Own Adventure: Valentine's Day Edition!

A fun + flirty game that is sadly almost impossible to win
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(Photo via Flickr/Mikael Moreira)

It is Valentine’s Day and you don’t know how to navigate this misery. The obvious one is: you are single, unattached, and a high note of stress sings inside you, cranking and increasing with every day ( you’ll die alone, the wind seems to whisper, you’ll die alone and the cats will eat your face). Or: you’re in a relationship, thoroughly Boo’d Up, but that comes with it its own complexities, a different kind of pressure, less existential and more urgent, and also you’ve called every three-star restaurant that’s ever been featured in Time Out trying to make a booking and you can’t get a seat anywhere and at this point a KFC Bargain Bucket with some heart confetti sprinkled over it could genuinely be how you spend the 14th.

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So you see now how this is complex: if you’re not in love, it’s bad; if you’re in love, it’s also quite bad. Humanity, on the whole, is smart: we created air travel and Siri and landed on the moon; we created language and literature and great art; we figured out how to make bread, which no other animal has ever done. All those advances, and you must wonder: why did we invent this day? Why did we do it to ourselves? And to those questions I say—

Choose

Your

Own

Adventure:

single boi
relationshippy boi
scammy boi
the most erratic box you can click