GAVIN HAYNES' SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
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Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Dickhead
The Ryan Fogle case shows how US-Russia spy games have descended into silly farce. Full story
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The Weird World of Mail Online Commenters
What are these people doing with their lives? Full story
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The BNP Say a Big Fascist Orgy Is the Only Way to Keep Britain White
Nick Griffin wants to bone the country into his own image. Full story
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We Should Probably Put Ben Elton On Suicide Watch
He's got a new sitcom and everyone fucking despises it. Full story
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Beware the iPad Children, the Crack Babies of Today
Let's destroy them before they destroy us. Full story
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Everyone Involved in the Thatcher Chart 'Ding Dong' Is a Moron
But the BBC will grant these idiots their immortality. Full story
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How Paris Brown's 'Pikey' Tweets Expose the Modern British Generation Gap
Or why police should never work with children. Full story
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How to Represent Yourself in Court and Get DIY Justice
Now Legal Aid has been slashed, you're going to have to be your own lawyer. Full story
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The Morality of Pretending to Be a Man in Order to Sleep with Women
Justine McNally is the point where human ingenuity and human tragedy collide. Full story
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Drug Etiquette for British People in 2013
Where the bloody hell have our manners gone? Full story
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This Is What Justin Bieber Should Do After His Sad, Inevitable Breakdown
Justin has the opportunity to leave the world a better place than he found it. Full story
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This Is What Will Happen When the Queen Dies
Britain will go off its nut. But then Britain loves to go off its nut. Full story
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A History of Celebrity Trials, from Woodward to Pistorius
We've been taking a prurient interest in the private shame of others since the 90s. Full story
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Remember When the Brit Awards Were Amazing?
Because personally I have no recollection of that period. Full story
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Why I Feel Sorry for the Pope Who Hung Up On God
Becoming the Pope must be as disorientating as growing a second cock or learning how to fly. Full story
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Why Boyz II Men Won't Save the Russian People from Extinction
They don't want to procreate. They just want to die. It's what they do. Full story
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Reasons Why Everyone Should Start a New Life in Brilliant Britain
Hey Bulgarians and Romanians, don't listen to our government – come and join in the fun! Full story
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'He Just Wanted to Take More Drugs Than Anyone Else'
How Lance Armstrong's simple problem turned cycling into Trainspotting on wheels. Full story
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Let's Lock All of Britain Up in a Spaceship-Sized Super-Prison
Alternatively, you could just keep a criminal in a cage in your house. Full story
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Depardieu and Putin, Sitting in a Tree
A tree that is strong enough to hold the wine-bloated Frenchman and doesn't make him pay tax. Full story
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The Demise of the Zany Jedi Wankers
Ten years ago, there were 390,000 Jedis in Britain. Now, there are only 170,000. Full story
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Ghostwriting Is the Future of Literature
Ever since Tom Clancy kicked it off, they're all bloody at it. Full story
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Is It Time for Britain to Turn Into a Dictatorship?
People say that fascism's a drag. But maybe we just need to re-learn how much everyone else hates us. Full story
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British People Are So Fat You Can See Them from Space
They're the next evolutionary step for humanity. Full story
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Bath Salts, Orgies, Murder and Anti-Virus Software
Fugitive John McAfee's one weird billionaire. Full story
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Chelsea's Super-Rich Are Being Chased Underground
They're bored and scared of the modern world. Full story
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The World Is Full of Pinheaded Weasels
And unfortunately for Danny Baker, many of them help run it. Full story
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Let's Quit Quitting Smoking Together
Stoptober? How about you stop being a baby and do it your damn self. Full story
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Bad News for Young People
Soon old people will be able to suck the youth right out of you, a scientist has proved. Full story
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Damien Hirst's Stupid Fucking Babel
I woke up the other day thinking that Damien Hirst might be God. Full story
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Abu Hamza: A Very British Kind of Pariah
How the hook-handed man became the David Bowie of jihad. Full story
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No More Teen Kicks for Jeremy Forrest
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to stop falling in love with 15-year-olds. Full story
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Gavin Haynes' Sleepless Nights: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Dickhead
The silly spy game farce of Ryan Fogle.
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Meet the Malaysian Neo-Nazis Fighting for a Pure Malay Race
They know Nazis don't like Asian people, but they don't care.
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Hearing from Three Guantanamo Bay Prisoners Who've Been On Hunger Strike for 100 Days
What life is like inside the prison camp.
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The Wizard of the Saddle Rides Again
The KKK protested renaming a park that memorialised one of the most infamous racists ever.
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VICE Loves Magnum: Peter van Agtmael Won't Deny the Strange Allure of War
Which is why his photos taken in post-9/11 warzones are the best.
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VICE News: This Is What Winning Looks Like
A documentary about the ineptitude and corruption of the Afghan security forces.
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How to Be Happy in 25 Easy Steps
Well, maybe not that easy.
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Milf Teeth: I Went To the Top of the Shard and Felt Feelings
The whole building is the punchline to someone else's joke.
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Things You Should Stop Wearing Now You're a Graduate
Wearing disco pants when you're an unemployed adult is not okay.
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VICE News: Sisa: Cocaine of the Poor
A new drug called sisa is tearing its way through Athens' poor.
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Gavin Haynes' Sleepless Nights: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Dickhead
The silly spy game farce of Ryan Fogle.
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Swimwear in Film Can Be Pretty Awkward
And more film stuff from the Grolsch Film Works blog.
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Who’s Getting Rich off the Prison-Industrial Complex?
A rundown of some of America's incarceration investors.
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I Went Snooping Around Nicolas Cage's House
And it was kind of upsetting.
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The Hangover News
An Iraqi civil war might be on its way, but you've probably been too drunk to notice.
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Hearing from Three Guantanamo Bay Prisoners Who've Been On Hunger Strike for 100 Days
What life is like inside the prison camp.
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Tubesteak: How to Hone Your Gaydar to Perfection
First and foremost, let me say that butch gay guys are the hottest men on Earth. Period.
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Some Photographs from the All About Pets Show
Canada's largest pet convention has a lot to see, apparently.
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This Week in Racism: Former Italian Prime Minister Dressed up Strippers to Look Like Barack Obama
Who would think that's sexy?
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Weirdo Club
Things get weird when somebody breaks out the unholy fermented ichor.
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We Threw A Party For Our Favourite Illustrators
We might have learned our lesson.
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Fashion Tidbits Roundup: Pristine Trainers Won't Fare Well in Your Disgusting Handbag
Also JW Anderson for Versus is here, and it's great.
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'The Great Gatsby' Predicted the Future
We're living in the world Fitzgerald wrote of 88 years ago.
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Rob Ford Might Be a Crack Smoker
What's the big deal? Everyone finds themselves in this position once in a while.
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This Man Thinks He Never Has to Eat Again
Rob Rhinehart's vomit-coloured cocktail could change food forever.
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Alex Miller's New Column: Lord, I Hate Camden Town
It's the graveyard of the fad.
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How to Be Happy, Young and Jobless
A survival guide for when society thinks your life has no purpose.
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Milf Teeth: The Notches On Your Bedpost Don't Mean Shit
Your sex gets better when you're learning with one person.
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I Interviewed My Local UKIP Rep After I Got Him Sacked and Banned
Phillip Collins has been reinstated now, but things were still a bit awkward.
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What's Going to Kill the House Revival?
Geeks? Shufflers? Americans? Tinchy Stryder?
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Pretty Girl Bullshit: Is Snapchat Ruining People's Lives?
I'm worried that it is.
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VICE News: Protest At Thatcher's Funeral
Some people enjoy booing coffins. We went to see just how many.
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A Big Night Out... at the Worst Club Night Ever?
The "stars" from TOWIE and Milton Keynes, together at last.
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Thatcher's War on Acid House
She may have got the Falklands, but she couldn't get the pillheads.
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English Fascists Took Their First Beating of the Summer in Brighton This Weekend
That's what happens when bigots march in England's most liberal city.
The Wizard Of The Saddle Rides Again
The dark specter of history in Memphis. 
Sisa: Cocaine Of The Poor
A new drug is tearing through Athens' poor. 
This Is What Winning Looks Like
Chaos and corruption in Afghanistan. 
On The Road With Tony Clifton
A piece of performance art outlived his creator. 
Animal Penises Are Super Weird
But cat penises are the worst. 
The Hatchet-Wielding Hobo Is Wanted For Murder
He says he was drugged and raped. 
