PEN PALS
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The Trials of Job
It's hard to find work as a felon. Full story
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Bert Meets a Real Rapper Who’s a Year Out of Prison
A lotta dudes in prison are rappers, but I don’t pay them much mind. Full story
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Addiction Isn't a Disease, I'm Just a Dick
It’s an insult to anyone with cancer to suggest that addiction is a disease of similar nature. Full story
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RockBottom Heads Toward Bottom
The early morning air stunk of pissy pussy and unwashed balls. Full story
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Prisons I've Known and Yelped
I’m the ORIGINAL prison reviewer. Full story
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Home Is Where the Prison Is
Should we force people out on parole to carry smartphones and wear monitoring anklets? Full story
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HardWhite Loves Twerk ’n’ Jerk
The latest installment of our prison correspondent's hood novel. Full story
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Down in the Hole
The cops definitely use the box as a tool, and it’s been seriously overused. Full story
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Prisons Punish Families Too
Imagine your dad was locked up for most of your life. Full story
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Incorrect Officers
Daaamn! Look at this prison guard who’s having a cop killer’s baby after banging him behind bars! Full story
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Rehab or Prison?
The big difference is that in rehab there are chicks. Full story
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Rappin' Wif Rockbottom
"That dude is smoother than silky sperm!” Full story
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God Behind Bars
I guess I haven’t hit rock bottom yet, ‘cause I don’t believe religion will save me. Full story
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HardWhite, an Introduction
Our prison correspondent tries his hand at hood fiction. Full story
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Holidays in Jail
For the two million Americans in prison, the holidays are a terrible time. Full story
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Slaying the Snot-Sneezing Dragon
Fuck writing about jail, I’m all about makin’ sperm rain these days. Full story
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Pissin’ Out the Pain
I'm going to jail again, but I'll be damned if I wet myself on the way. Full story
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I'm in Love with This Fake Pussy
Tenga is the best snatch on Earth times 20. Full story
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Pen Pals - Getting $$ in the Clink-Clink
Gambling in jail. Full story
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Pen Pals - The People You Meet in Prison
I sat face to face with a heartless murderer and realised we had some things in common. Full story
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Pen Pals - My Bloody Valentine
Our prison correspondent wrote these poems. They are mainly about boning. Full story
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Pen Pals - Jailhouse Rap
Today, Bert Burykill shares some of his songs with us. Yes, he is a rapper too. Full story
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Pen Pals - Where Love Goes to Die
My ex-girl wrote this letter to me as she sat in a cell across the hall at the county jail. Full story
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Pen Pals - A Day on the Inside
An average day in jail is just boring, so you have to amuse yourself. I took up cock puppetry. Full story
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Pen Pals - The Perils of Piss Tests
I have pissed in a cup at least 100 times, and I still haven't learned a damn thing. Full story
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Pen Pals - A Dispatch from the Inside
I can't even shit without dreams of being anally pleasured by some fat bitch's tongue. Full story
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Pen Pals - The Right to Blow Loads
Defended by someone who's actually jerked it in a cell. Full story
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Pen Pals – New Year's Sleaze
A blood-speckled shart in the free world is more enticing than a NYE locked up. Full story
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Pen Pals - That Post-Prison Glow
Even before I came to jail I was above-average bonerable. Full story
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If You Build Her, You Will Cum
I call my rubber glove/artificial vagina "Suzy" (in some circles, it's called "Fifi") and she loves me 'cause I give her me bone sweet 'n' tender long time. Yeah. Full story
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Pen Pals - A Trip Down Memory Row
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Murderous Fanatics and EDL Idiots Brought Darkness to Woolwich Yesterday
We spent the day there trying to make sense of it all.
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VICE News: Triple Hate
Memphis City Council, the Klan and the Crips.
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Rave and Hardcore YouTube Comments Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity
They're genuinely some of the most beautiful things I've ever read.
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Get Rich or High Trying
The smart money is increasingly looking to marijuana as the nation's biggest new business.
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VICE News: Sisa: Cocaine of the Poor
A new drug called sisa is tearing its way through Athens' poor.
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My Week Spent with Hungary's Far-Right
Hungarian nationalists throw beer at people and blame Jews and gypsies for all their problems.
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American Teens Are Being Trapped in Abusive 'Drug Rehab Centres'
How an anti-drug cult from the 60s has evolved into an abusive, billion-dollar “teen rehab” industry.
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Is Tabloid Outrage Just Getting More People into Legal Highs?
Getting uppity about internet drugs seems kind of pointless if all you're doing is advertising them.
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I Went to a Beach Party with Loads of Rich Kid Egyptians
Everyone owned a yacht at Arab spring break.
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We Photographed a Drunk EDL Hate Mob Attacking Police Last Night
They went there to spread Islamophobia and achieved absolutely nothing.
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Question of the Day: What Did You Learn from Sex-Ed?
"I learned how to play volleyball naked on the beach."
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VICE News: Triple Hate
Memphis City Council, the Klan and the Crips.
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I Went to a Beach Party with Loads of Rich Kid Egyptians
Everyone owned a yacht at Arab spring break.
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Deportee Purgatory
About 40 percent of Mexican immigrants deported from the US are sent back through Tijuana.
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A Chat with Janicza Bravo (and Brett Gelman) About Her New Short Starring Michael Cera in a Wheelchair
A couple weeks back I chatted with J&B over baba ghanous about the new film.
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A Few Impressions: 'Leviathan,' I Love You
It holds up a mirror to nature, but this mirror came from a funhouse.
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Here Be Dragons: I Met the Woman Trying to Cure Malaria with Sugar and Water
I have a sneaking feeling that it's not going to work.
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Kyle Platts Knows All About Hamster Suicide
The creator of Dicknose Van Boobenchin told me about some of his illustrations.
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Is Tropical in Mongolia: Part Two
Is Tropical continue their tour of Mongolia in the lead up to their headline show in Ulaanbaatar.
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We Photographed a Drunk EDL Hate Mob Attacking Police Last Night
They went there to spread Islamophobia and achieved absolutely nothing.
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Murderous Fanatics and EDL Idiots Brought Darkness to Woolwich Yesterday
We spent the day there trying to make sense of it all.
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Is Tabloid Outrage Just Getting More People into Legal Highs?
Getting uppity about internet drugs seems kind of pointless if all you're doing is advertising them.
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Juggalos Are OK, Cupid
Don’t be a Tumblr asshole to people trying to find love.
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Comics: The Chicken Dinner Guy
He always pocketed the wishbones to break with a "special gal".
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This Man Thinks He Never Has to Eat Again
Rob Rhinehart's vomit-coloured cocktail could change food forever.
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Alex Miller's New Column: Lord, I Hate Camden Town
It's the graveyard of the fad.
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How to Be Happy, Young and Jobless
A survival guide for when society thinks your life has no purpose.
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Milf Teeth: The Notches On Your Bedpost Don't Mean Shit
Your sex gets better when you're learning with one person.
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I Interviewed My Local UKIP Rep After I Got Him Sacked and Banned
Phillip Collins has been reinstated now, but things were still a bit awkward.
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What's Going to Kill the House Revival?
Geeks? Shufflers? Americans? Tinchy Stryder?
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Pretty Girl Bullshit: Is Snapchat Ruining People's Lives?
I'm worried that it is.
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VICE News: Protest At Thatcher's Funeral
Some people enjoy booing coffins. We went to see just how many.
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A Big Night Out... at the Worst Club Night Ever?
The "stars" from TOWIE and Milton Keynes, together at last.
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Thatcher's War on Acid House
She may have got the Falklands, but she couldn't get the pillheads.
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English Fascists Took Their First Beating of the Summer in Brighton This Weekend
That's what happens when bigots march in England's most liberal city.
Juggalos Are OK, Cupid
Don’t be a Tumblr asshole to people finding love. 
Fanatics And The EDL In Woolwich
We spent yesterday trying to make sense of it all. 
Triple Hate
The Klan, the Crips and the spectre of history. 
Pump It Up
Photos by Anna Ryon and styling by Lola Chatterton. 
Get Rich Or High Trying
The nation's biggest new business. 
Rave And Hardcore Youtube Comments Are Beautiful
They restored my faith in humanity. 
