SKINEMA
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Baristas
I started taking steroids yesterday as an act of thanks and joyous celebration. Full story
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Anal Lessons
Are there scouts in the porn business like in baseball who travel the minor-league circuit looking for the next thing? Full story
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The Dark Knight XXX: A Porn Parody
Just as hip-hop died outside the Petersen Automotive Museum in Los Angeles, so did her big beautiful breasts in 1997. Full story
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Panty Pops
The only way I can describe "Panty Pops" is like if Zeus gave you a handjob. Full story
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Buttface
There’s a skateboarder in England, gaining popularity with the birth name Ash Hal. Full story
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No Warning 6: The Unfair Advantage
If you thought 'No Warning' 1 through 5 were good, then I can't help but believe that you're going to love 'No Warning 6!' Full story
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Skinema - Vicarious (So Close You Can Taste It)
I've been wrestling pit bull terriers and calling up my dominatrix friend because being a stay-at-home dad is driving me insane. Full story
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Halloween XXX Porn Parody
For starters, I would've hoped that a porno remake of Halloween would've at least had the decency to incorporate the word wiener into the title. Full story
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SpontaneASS
So my second son, Christopher James Nieratko III, was born on August 10, 2011 Full story
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Hot for Teacher
I think I wanted to fuck my fourth-grade teacher. Full story
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Skinema - Kimberly Kane's Been Blackmaled
Fuck me already with all the times I’ve had to plug a Kimberly Kane movie just so I can tell you that at some point in my lifetime VBS will supposedly air my four-part Skinema exposé on Ms. Kane and her sexy exploits. Full story
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It Ain't Gonna Suck Itself!
The sad thing about the title of this film is that it’s true; it’s not going to suck itself. As a teenager I would lie in the tall grass down by the brook, looking up at the clouds moving across the gray Jersey sky, dreaming of a future when it would be possibl… Full story
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Ass Worship 12
The Tenth Commandment clearly states, “Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife,” so I’m pretty sure me wanting to fuck my friend Matt’s wife is totally kosher because they live outside San Francisco, nowhere near me. Strange that the Bible would put… Full story
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Skinema - Driller
We are quickly approaching the two-year mark of me not giving a shit that Michael Jackson is dead. Next year will be exactly 30 years since Thriller was released, the last time I slightly cared about him. As far as I’m concerned, Michael Jackson died the day he got h… Full story
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Hose Hoes' 2
By Chris Nieratko
Cover model and professional butt licker Julia Ann reminds me of my wife. (Not that my wife hangs off black curtain rods and lick butts.) (And not that there’s anything wrong with that…) Julia, like Mrs. Nieratko, is a hot blond piece of ass who looks Full story
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Joanna's Angels 3: Douchebag Resurrection
What could be sadder than a bunch of awkward and insecure porn fans leering at girls from a distance at a convention in Vegas? A landfill’s worth of cocksure Jersey Shore douchebag extras thinking every porn chick at a convention in Edison, New Jersey, wants to fuck Full story
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Hole in the Wall
I hate zany fonts. Those fonts that are CRAZY pictures of people puking or having sex while forming a letter are the worst, especially when people try to use them at 10 or 12 point; you can’t even make out what they are. They look like tattoos from the 50s, just big blobs o… Full story
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The Mommy X-Perience
Strange things happen to a woman’s vagina after a human slides out of it, aside from the obvious stretching and tearing. Full story
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Debbie Duz Dishes Again
Does life imitate porn? Or does porn imitate life? I ask only because for the past eight months since my son was born I have been starring in a porno with a similar title called Full story
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Jersey Shore XXX: A Porn Parody
I hope they don't kick me out of Jersey for saying this but I've always hated the Jersey Shore. As a child my family would go down to Cape May for vacation. While everyone was Full story
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Fuck Face
I have a weird friend. I don’t know her name. I guess “friend” might be a slight overstatement. She is a ginger with extremely curly hair. I’m sure you can Full story
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Belladonna's Ass Wide Open
I hope I’m not ruining the plot of Ass Wide Open for anyone by saying there’s a lot of anal sex in this film.
If this is a remake of that Kubrick film then I don't see the resemblance between the cover model, Bobbi Starr, and Nicole Kidman. If it's not then... I totally do Full story
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Raw 2
This movie is genius! This is not porn—this is art. No. Wait. Art doesn’t make money. This is sexual capitalism at its finest. What we have here are two discs of five scenes with Full story
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LA Pink
If it appears I am unfairly reviewing more Burning Angel videos than other company’s pornos, you would be correct. Joanna Angel is no dummy. She pays me with blowjobs Full story
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John Wayne Bobbit Uncut
JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT UNCUT
Remember last year when Lorena Bobbitt cut off her husband’s penis? The news sent a shock wave through the misogynist community like a frickin’ A-bomb. Gigolos Full story -
This Ain't Star Trek
By Chris Nieratko
God, I fucking hate remakes (both porno and mainstream). It says a lot about the intellect of our Hollywood writers when the best they can come up with is to make G.I. Joe Full story
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We Yum Yum Cum
By Chris Nieratko
I hate when people speak to their kids in baby talk. It’s annoying. Then people wonder why their kids turn out to be mental midgets with no social grace and an inability to Full story
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It's Sunny In Brazil
A bunch of my friends are pro skaters from Brazil and they’re always telling me the craziest stories from their childhoods of murder, drug mules, and prostitution Full story
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Great Sex During Pregnancy
Can you do me a favor? Pretend like you didn't see the picture above and when I ask you to guess what my wiener put inside my wife's guts, just say, "I don't know, what?" Full story
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Live In My Secrets
By Chris Nieratko
I'm working on a new VBS show called Sexy Slumber Party in which I have sexy slumber parties with naked porn stars and we have popcorn and girl talk until they start to cry and tell me how they were abused at a young age and that's what drove them to hand out cinematograph… Full story
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Discovering Alexis Texas
A year or two ago, Vice sent me around the country to promote my book, Skinema, and one of the stops was in Austin, Texas, at the largest bookstore in the state. Full story
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Gapeman
By Chris Nieratko
Fuck. Google this DVD and look at the back cover. You can't handle the back cover! It made me want to vomit into my laptop. Dead center there is a photo of what my friends affectionately refer to as a “pink sock.” It’s basically when a girl’s asshole is an outty instead of an inn… Full story
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SKINEMA - HOG-O-WEEN RECAP
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This Ain't the Munsters XXX
By Chris Nieratko
I don't like scary movies-they scare me. I was seeing a therapist once for it but it all seemed like a big waste of time. I felt like he wasn't listening to me. He was always texting. Full story
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Cum On My Tattoos 4
Vice: Hi, boss lady.
Joanna Angel: I thought we were going to be able to do this legally Full story -
Black Power 3
I've always dreamed of having Black Power because I think it would be awesome to be able to dunk a basketball. When I was younger I could touch the rim but now I'm fat Full story
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Chesty Preggos
You want to know what the best part about a dead baby is? No dirty diapers. No diapers at all really. No money spent on formula. No painting bedrooms pink or blue. Full story
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Latina Grande
This DVD was shot entirely in Peru, which I believe is in the northern part of Mexico, but I'm not very good at geometry so I can't be totally certain. You know the old saying “Don’t judge a book by its cover”? That doesn’t apply in this case. The cover girl does such a stellar j… Full story
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Amy Fisher / Joey Buttafuoco Caught On Tape
How was your weekend? Mine was shitty. Me and my wife went down with the flu for two weeks and were running 102 fevers, bedridden, and about to tear each other's Full story
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She's Ready to Pop
I recently got an email from a friend I hadn’t spoken to in many years. I actually nearly forgot we were ever friends because during the time in my life we were friends I was out to lunch on goofballs. His name is Harry Weiss and he has his own porn PR company. Back when I knew h… Full story
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Love Squirts
I don’t trust that my wife truly loves me. The entire relationship seems suspect to me. I often question what her ulterior motives are. I mean, have you seen what she looks like? Stunning. Then I must ask, have you seen what I look like? Needless to say, I leave something to be d… Full story
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Dark Meat
Do you know Belladonna? She’s fantastic. She’s like the David Copperfield of porn—she can make anything, and I mean ANYTHING, disappear up her ass. She could fit the Statue of Liberty and the Eiffel Tower up there with ease. I generally like that sort of extreme stuff in my porn… Full story
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Voluptuous Life
My wife of nearly two years is cheating on me. I am quite certain of it. I am not a jealous man nor am I a brute or a fool. I would like you to think of me as a somewhat intelligent man who would not make such damning accusations without first doing some thorough investigation an… Full story
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SKINEMA - GIVE ME RYAN'S CAR
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Curious
One thing I’ve been rather curious about lately is how much exactly is it to buy a kid from some third world country. I’ve heard anywhere from $40,000 to $80,000. And if those numbers are correct, how do I go about brokering a deal for one of these sought-after poor kids? How do… Full story
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Triple Ecstasy
So I made friends with a porn star. Her name is Kimberly Kane. It’s pretty awesome. She comes over for dinner twice a week and wears nothing but heels. She hangs out with me and my wife in our hot tub, calls me on my birthday, and sends me well wishes when I’m sick. It’s kind of… Full story
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The XXXorcist
By Chris Nieratko
Have you ever felt real disappointment in your life? I have, at the hands of my wife. Last year she threw me a surprise 40th birthday party with all my friends and family in attendance. And it was a big surprise when she took off my blindfold and everyone screamed, because in my Full story
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Slime Ballin'
This is weird. Without consciously doing it I have been removing my wedding ring before I masturbate. I’m not certain when it started or why, but I began noticing it a few weeks back. I’ve been thinking that the reason may be that I don’t think it’s acceptable to wear my ring whe… Full story
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Barely Legal Corrupted #8
There’s a chance that as I type this my wife might be pregnant. Despite what I may have told you before about being eager to have a child, I’m considering asking her to get an abortion. Full story
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Yo Mamma’s a Freak 2
I think I mentioned to you that my wife, Crissie, after 16 years, stopped taking the Pill on Valentine’s Day 2007. At first we were very excited to start work on the production of our new line of real-life Chris Nieratko action figures, but we haven’t had the best of luck over th… Full story
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Sprung A Leak 2
I am by no means a rich man. This Skinema book that’s just come out has put some money in my pocket, but not much—barely enough to repave my driveway. Yet I like to pretend Full story
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Sperm Sponges Vol. I
By Chris Nieratko
SPERM SPONGES VOL. I
Can someone tell me how contraceptive sponges work? I understand that they go up inside a girl and create a dam but what I need to know is are they hard to put in, is a Full story -
Assraelis: Israeli Erotica
By Chris Nieratko
I’m a big fan of war. What can I say? I’m an asshole. I’m not so big on all the blood and guts and our boys dying over there but I do enjoy the comedic aspect of saying Full story
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Fashionistas Safado - The Challenge
By Chris Nieratko
Let me just start by telling you that Fashionistas has already been made into a full-scale Las Vegas production that’s been running since 2004 at the Aladdin, so you can go Full story
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Condoms
By Chris Nieratko
Fuck a condom. I hate condoms. Always have. I have an allergic reaction to them: The mere sight of them makes me go limp. I think if I cut two of my fingers off with a circular saw I could still count on both hands the number of times I've worn a condom in my entire life. As I've… Full story
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I Was A Crip ... Sort Of
I'm pretty sure I was a member of the blue-wearing gang, the Crips, from 2001 to 2002. I was on a lot of drugs then and have a piss poor recollection of all things, but I got a good feeling I was in the gang. At the very least I was an honorary member. A pseudo-Crip, if you will… Full story
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Ass Worship 8
By Chris Nieratko
See that brunette in the upper left named Lanny Barbie? She bares a striking resemblance to a friend of mine named Sarah from Maui. I think it might be the eyes. My wife will probably disagree with me. She always does when it comes to me pointing out look-alikes. She says that I’… Full story
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The Tom Sizemore Sex Scandal
By Chris Nieratko
Do you know why Tom Sizemore will go down in history as one of America’s finest actors? It’s because he refuses to be typecast and he’s not afraid to commit to a role. One Full story
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Wild On Sex Vol. 3
By Chris Nieratko
The box cover says "Shot on location in Montreal, Canada, with the nastiest lesbos ever!" but I think they mean the other kind of nasty. Full story
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Fucking Assholes #4
I saw the gym Nazi again today. I smiled and waved hello as he jogged on the treadmill. It drove him to run faster. I giggled like a little girl. Full story
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Skinema
I fear if I kept my eyes closed entirely, I might walk right into someone's dick. Full story
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Wild on X
What's up with black people being all into Ecstasy lately? Full story
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Honey, We Blew Up Your Pussy
Hands down, this is the greatest DVD ever made! It is so amazingly retarded that it pushes the boundaries of what is awesome. Full story
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Belladonna's Fucking Girls Again
Do you know why people love buffets aside from being retardedly inexpensive, all-you-can-gorge glutton fests? It's that they have a little something for everyone. Full story
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Skinema
Dear Reader, does your lifestyle require that you drink Pabst Blue Ribbon and have tattoos of anchors? Does your peer group expect you to wear Dickies or unwashed Levi’s with clever t-shirts? Full story
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Head Master Vol. 1
By Chris Nieratko
I was an altar boy for many years and sadly I was never molested. I feel cheated. Full story
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Flesh Hunter
I’ve been fucking Christina Aguilera for almost two weeks now, and although she won’t let me stick it in her ass I must say she’s pretty good in the sack. For a white chick. Full story
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Body Slam Vol. 1
"Hey, baby. You want to wrestle?" That’s been my pick-up line for years, and it totally works. That line is actually what seduced my current girlfriend. I remember seeing her across the room looking bored as her friends acted like they knew how to play pool. Full story
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Skate Trixxx 2
I love skateboarding and I love porn. I also love bacon and ice cream, just not at the same time. If I want to watch good skateboarding, I’ll pop in Video Days, but I want my pornos chock full of sex. Full story
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Girls Who Puke
Working for Larry Flynt allows me to access all genres of porn, even bottom of the barrel shit like Girls Who Puke, which, although not even slightly erotic, holds a special place in my heart. Full story
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Welcum To Chloeville 2
I’ve been watching a lot of VH1’s Behind the Music lately and drinking straight Tequila. Sometimes, after eating the worm, I begin to imagine how my Behind The Music would be laid out. Full story
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The Matador Series
I just recently read Hunter S. Thompson’s book Hell’s Angels, which talks all about the exploits of the infamous biker gang in the late 60s. Then my friend told me that Sonny Barger, president of the Hell’s Angels, has a bio out and that it’s just hairy as fuck, talking ab… Full story
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Cool Devices 04-05
As a few friends and I sat watching an innocent-looking young girl being tied up, whipped and sodomized, we began debating the relationship between repressed, orderly societies and the ensuing pornography they produce. While some of us pointed out that extreme films get produced Full story
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Super Freaks 10
By Chris Nieratko
When I was in high school I wanted nothing more in this world than to be black. I did just about everything I could to make that dream come true. I’d talk black, wear my pants far past my ass, memorize X Clan lyrics, bad mouth white people, and grab my dick when I talked, regardl… Full story
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Shave Dat Nappy Thang!!
I’ve detested body hair for as long as I can remember. I believe it might stem from the fact that when all my friends were growing beards and moustaches in high school my face was still completely bald. Full story
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Silvia Exposed
Most people have friends that try to protect them when they’re drunk from the evils of this world such as fights, police and ugly people. My friends, though, are all assholes. They will try with all their power to get me knocked out, locked up or throwing up after waking up next… Full story
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Deep Porn
Pornography and decent music finally come together on Deep Porn, a nineteen-track compilation of beats meets teets where producers like Brother Marquis of 2 Live Crew, DJ Godfather and George Clinton sample porn stars like Rebecca Lord, Gina Ryder and Midori. VICE put the Full story
Beware The Lizzies
Photos by Leonn Ward and styling by John William.
Did A Murderer Give Himself Away On Yelp?
It seems like he might have done.
Triple Hate
The Klan, the Crips and the spectre of history.
Tanzania's Government Is About To Kill The Maasai
They're kicking them off their land.
The White-Power Safety Patrol
They want to clean up your campus.
Teens Are Trapped In Abusive Drug Rehab Centres
The billion-dollar anti-drug cult industry.