• The Walking Dead: A Hardcore Parody

    Do you like people more than you like sleep?

  • One-Night Stands

    More stupid from Chris Nieratko.

  • Babysit My Ass

    It was the closest I’ve come to beating a man in front of my son.

  • Dress-Up Dolls

    What to do with a Klan costume.

  • Baristas

    I started taking steroids yesterday as an act of thanks and joyous celebration.

  • Anal Lessons

    Are there scouts in the porn business like in baseball who travel the minor-league circuit looking for the next thing?

  • The Dark Knight XXX: A Porn Parody

    Just as hip-hop died outside the Petersen Automotive Museum in Los Angeles, so did her big beautiful breasts in 1997.

  • Panty Pops

    The only way I can describe "Panty Pops" is like if Zeus gave you a handjob.

  • Buttface

    There’s a skateboarder in England, gaining popularity with the birth name Ash Hal.

  • No Warning 6: The Unfair Advantage

    If you thought 'No Warning' 1 through 5 were good, then I can't help but believe that you're going to love 'No Warning 6!'

  • Skinema - Vicarious (So Close You Can Taste It)

    I've been wrestling pit bull terriers and calling up my dominatrix friend because being a stay-at-home dad is driving me insane.

  • Halloween XXX Porn Parody

    For starters, I would've hoped that a porno remake of Halloween would've at least had the decency to incorporate the word wiener into the title.

  • SpontaneASS

    So my second son, Christopher James Nieratko III, was born on August 10, 2011

  • Hot for Teacher

    I think I wanted to fuck my fourth-grade teacher.

  • Skinema - Kimberly Kane's Been Blackmaled

    Fuck me already with all the times I’ve had to plug a Kimberly Kane movie just so I can tell you that at some point in my lifetime VBS will supposedly air my four-part Skinema exposé on Ms. Kane and her sexy exploits.

  • It Ain't Gonna Suck Itself!

    The sad thing about the title of this film is that it’s true; it’s not going to suck itself. As a teenager I would lie in the tall grass down by the brook, looking up at the clouds moving across the gray Jersey sky, dreaming of a future when it would be possibl…

  • Ass Worship 12

    The Tenth Commandment clearly states, “Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife,” so I’m pretty sure me wanting to fuck my friend Matt’s wife is totally kosher because they live outside San Francisco, nowhere near me. Strange that the Bible would put…

  • Skinema - Driller

    We are quickly approaching the two-year mark of me not giving a shit that Michael Jackson is dead. Next year will be exactly 30 years since Thriller was released, the last time I slightly cared about him. As far as I’m concerned, Michael Jackson died the day he got h…

  • Hose Hoes' 2

    Cover model and professional butt licker Julia Ann reminds me of my wife. (Not that my wife hangs off black curtain rods and lick butts.) (And not that there’s anything wrong with that…) Julia, like Mrs. Nieratko, is a hot blond piece of ass who looks

  • Joanna's Angels 3: Douchebag Resurrection

    What could be sadder than a bunch of awkward and insecure porn fans leering at girls from a distance at a convention in Vegas? A landfill’s worth of cocksure Jersey Shore douchebag extras thinking every porn chick at a convention in Edison, New Jersey, wants to fuck

  • Hole in the Wall

    I hate zany fonts. Those fonts that are CRAZY pictures of people puking or having sex while forming a letter are the worst, especially when people try to use them at 10 or 12 point; you can’t even make out what they are. They look like tattoos from the 50s, just big blobs o…

  • The Mommy X-Perience

    Strange things happen to a woman’s vagina after a human slides out of it, aside from the obvious stretching and tearing.

  • Debbie Duz Dishes Again

    Does life imitate porn? Or does porn imitate life? I ask only because for the past eight months since my son was born I have been starring in a porno with a similar title called

  • Jersey Shore XXX: A Porn Parody

    I hope they don't kick me out of Jersey for saying this but I've always hated the Jersey Shore. As a child my family would go down to Cape May for vacation. While everyone was

  • Fuck Face

    I have a weird friend. I don’t know her name. I guess “friend” might be a slight overstatement. She is a ginger with extremely curly hair. I’m sure you can

  • Belladonna's Ass Wide Open

    If this is a remake of that Kubrick film then I don't see the resemblance between the cover model, Bobbi Starr, and Nicole Kidman. If it's not then... I totally do

  • Raw 2

    This movie is genius! This is not porn—this is art. No. Wait. Art doesn’t make money. This is sexual capitalism at its finest. What we have here are two discs of five scenes with

  • LA Pink

    If it appears I am unfairly reviewing more Burning Angel videos than other company’s pornos, you would be correct. Joanna Angel is no dummy. She pays me with blowjobs

  • John Wayne Bobbit Uncut

    Remember last year when Lorena Bobbitt cut off her husband’s penis? The news sent a shock wave through the misogynist community like a frickin’ A-bomb. Gigolos

  • This Ain't Star Trek

    God, I fucking hate remakes (both porno and mainstream). It says a lot about the intellect of our Hollywood writers when the best they can come up with is to make G.I. Joe