FILIPINO BLOOD STEW - THE RECIPE
The Philippines! The jewel of the orient, purveyors of the greatest hip-hop dance troupes and probz the most colonised place in the world. But although I'm a proud half-Filipina, the cuisine has always left me wondering "WTF"?! So to conquer my fears and appease my mother, I decided to tackle some of their weirder dishes. First up, blood stew.
Ingredients
lots x pork loin
1 x pack pig guts
4 cups x of pig’s blood
3 x bell peppers
lots x garlic, crushed and minced
lots x chopped onions
2 cups x stock
Step 1.
Chop up your meat and piggy poop tubes. Try not to hurl.
Step 2.
Fry off all the pig with your onions, garlic and pepper.
Step 3.
Pour in the blood and stock, then leave to simmer into a big brown mush.
UBE MOUSSE
To wash your tasty blood-bath down, here's a super quick pudding that only requires cream and an industrial amount of the sweet purple yam "ube".
Ingredients
lots x pureed ube
lots x ube jam
lots x ube powder
lots x whipping cream
lots x icing sugar
lots x pickled coconut gel
you get the drift by now x macapuno balls
lots x sugar palm
Step 1.
Whip up some cream with icing sugar until puffy.
Step 2.
Fold in every form of ube ever that you bought from your Filipino shop, until you get the perfect purple sludge.
Step 3.
Layer in a fancy glass with your rainbow-coloured pickled shit.
So with only minor lasting trauma, here's a main meal of AZN deliciousness fit for the most patriotic of Filis, followed by a dessert with more yam than you can shake a jumbo pack of laxatives at. Mabuhay!
Bone-appetit!
Previously: Girl Eats Food - Vegan Meat Feast Pizza
Really fucking hungry? Check out Joanna Fuertes-Knight's (totally free) online cookbook! It's got every Girl Eats Food recipe ever in it.
More From This Show
-
Apocalyptic Dinner For One
Time to get ourselves acquainted with those doesn't-even-have-a-sell-by-date foods at the back of our cupboard.
-
Filipino Blood Stew
Let's make really scary ingredients, really tasty.
-
Vegan Meat Feast Pizza
A big slab of vegan comfort food, that won't have your meat-eating friends gagging in horror.
-
Drunken Jerk Chicken Patti
A portable and pre-cooked carnival patty you'll be happy to dance with.
-
Cornershop Cocktails
They may be the flamboyant gay man of the booze world, but that shouldn't stop scumbags like you and I getting crunk on them.
-
Olympic Energy Nachos
A snack more doped up than Dwain Chambers.
-
Fake Cheese Cheesecake
A dairy extravaganza that'll put your after-dinner cheeseboard to shame.
-
Mini Fried Chicken Hors d'Oeuvres
Dirty fried chicken doesn't have to be from Dixy's at 3AM on a Friday night.
-
English Breakfast Cupcakes
Time to cook ourselves some baked goods with real balls.
-
Sizzurped Cherry Pork
Uniting the American South's two finest delicacies: Slow-cooked pig and DJ Screw's drank of choice.
-
American Teens Are Being Trapped in Abusive 'Drug Rehab Centres'
How an anti-drug cult from the 60s has evolved into an abusive, billion-dollar “teen rehab” industry.
-
Is Tabloid Outrage Just Getting More People into Legal Highs?
Getting uppity about internet drugs seems kind of pointless if all you're doing is advertising them.
-
VICE News: Triple Hate - Part 1
The Klan, the Crips, racism and the spectre of history.
-
Get Rich or High Trying
The smart money is increasingly looking to marijuana as the nation's biggest new business.
-
VICE News: Sisa: Cocaine of the Poor
A new drug called sisa is tearing its way through Athens' poor.
-
Britain's Comedy Nazis Are Spoiling It for Everyone
But should we feel outraged or just pity them?
-
Here Comes the White-Power Safety Patrol
The White Student Union advocates for “persons of European heritage” – aka “white people.”
-
Rave and Hardcore YouTube Comments Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity
They're genuinely some of the most beautiful things I've ever read.
-
My Week Spent with Hungary's Far-Right
Hungarian nationalists throw beer at people and blame Jews and gypsies for all their problems.
-
Juggalos Are OK, Cupid
Don’t be a Tumblr asshole to people trying to find love.
-
Comics: The Chicken Dinner Guy
He always pocketed the wishbones to break with a "special gal".
-
Is Tabloid Outrage Just Getting More People into Legal Highs?
Getting uppity about internet drugs seems kind of pointless if all you're doing is advertising them.
-
Question of the Day: What's the Stupidest Thing You've Done In a Car?
"I opened the door on the motorway because I didn't realise it wasn't allowed."
-
Rave and Hardcore YouTube Comments Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity
They're genuinely some of the most beautiful things I've ever read.
-
World Peace Update
After 50 weeks of these, we're still not there yet.
-
Pump It Up
Photos by Anna Ryon and styling by Lola Chatterton.
-
Photos from The Great Escape 2013
If you didn't catch the Noisey stage this year, you missed out on an eyeful of areola.
-
Carlos Rafael and His Fish Are the American Dream
I spoke to him about cod and federal tax evasion.
-
The Worst Restaurant in the World
A night at the Jack in the Box of the Damned.
-
Jodorowsky's 'Dune' Would Have Been More Insane Than You Can Even Imagine
Salvador Dali was going to play the Emperor.
-
Alexis Neiers’s Pretty Wild Road to Recovery
She robbed celebrities, abused drugs, inspired a movie and now she's clean.
-
Get Rich or High Trying
The smart money is increasingly looking to marijuana as the nation's biggest new business.
-
The Loneliness of the Village at the End of the World
Niaqornat's residents might be witnessing the end of the world, too.
-
This Man Thinks He Never Has to Eat Again
Rob Rhinehart's vomit-coloured cocktail could change food forever.
-
Alex Miller's New Column: Lord, I Hate Camden Town
It's the graveyard of the fad.
-
How to Be Happy, Young and Jobless
A survival guide for when society thinks your life has no purpose.
-
Milf Teeth: The Notches On Your Bedpost Don't Mean Shit
Your sex gets better when you're learning with one person.
-
I Interviewed My Local UKIP Rep After I Got Him Sacked and Banned
Phillip Collins has been reinstated now, but things were still a bit awkward.
-
What's Going to Kill the House Revival?
Geeks? Shufflers? Americans? Tinchy Stryder?
-
Pretty Girl Bullshit: Is Snapchat Ruining People's Lives?
I'm worried that it is.
-
VICE News: Protest At Thatcher's Funeral
Some people enjoy booing coffins. We went to see just how many.
-
A Big Night Out... at the Worst Club Night Ever?
The "stars" from TOWIE and Milton Keynes, together at last.
-
Thatcher's War on Acid House
She may have got the Falklands, but she couldn't get the pillheads.
-
English Fascists Took Their First Beating of the Summer in Brighton This Weekend
That's what happens when bigots march in England's most liberal city.
Related Shows
-
Our favorite bits of our favorite country (USA).
-
Inside the minds of our favorite thing-makers.
-
Finding Fashion's buried nuggets of greatness.
-
A fresh look at the lives of 5 young creatives from London.
-
No one is safe.
Beware The Lizzies
Photos by Leonn Ward and styling by John William. 
Did A Murderer Give Himself Away On Yelp?
It seems like he might have done. 
Triple Hate
The Klan, the Crips and the spectre of history. 
Tanzania's Government Is About To Kill The Maasai
They're kicking them off their land. 
The White-Power Safety Patrol
They want to clean up your campus. 
Teens Are Trapped In Abusive Drug Rehab Centres
The billion-dollar anti-drug cult industry. 
Comments