A 24-Year-Old Lord Blacked Up and Crashed His Car Into a Lamppost in Grimsby

Who would have thought that, mere moments into a new Tory government, the poshos would absolutely lose their minds and crystallise their awfulness into one solitary act of reckless, racist abandon?

To be fair to young Lord George Worsley, a 24-year-old from Chelsea, the incident occurred a few weeks before the election result was announced, but it's as if he'd had a premonition. As if, on the night of the 25th of April, Lord Worsley peered down the barrel of his flute of gold-leaf Möet, the expensive little sprinkles beckoning him closer, before whispering: "Dear boy, tonight is the night. Soon we will be unstoppable. Let our thousand-day reign of nightmares commence in earnest!" With that, George knew what he had to do. He had to get completely hammered, cover his face in black boot polish, get in his car and force the police to chase him as he crashed into a lamppost in Grimsby.

There were literally bits of car falling off as our inebriated rotter sped down the A180. Police gave chase but Worsley refused to stop, presumably muttering "blaggards" under his whiskey breath as "a large piece of debris came away from the car, which appeared to be the fragments of a bumper or tyre," according to the prosecutor, John Harris.

"The officer then noticed one of the tyres was fully deflated and radioed the control room. He noticed the car was swerving from side to side and that there was only one person in the car. Further fragments fell off the vehicle." When officers finally caught up with Lord George, he told them: "I do feel I have been rather foolish."

Lord George managed to avoid a jail term for drink-driving three times over the limit without a license or insurance but was banned from driving for 28 months. His solicitor was at pains to guarantee the court that George is a sound lad, citing charity work in Singapore and Kenya, though I'm not sure how the citizens of the latter would feel about him turning up at Nairobi airport in black face. Call me a Speculative Susan, but I can see no other reason why someone would cover their face in black boot polish other than to resemble black people in a derogatory fashion.

Incidentally, Lord George is the son of Lord Charles Pelham, the Earl of Yarborough (didn't know you could be both a Lord and an Earl, shows how much I know about archaic power structures that are completely irrelevant in a 21st century democracy), who is the master of the Brocklesby Hunt. He also prefers to be referred to as Abd al-Mateen after converting to Islam, and inheriting his father's estate, worth an estimated £68 million.

As our betters become even more comfortable in their wealth, it's likely that incidents such as this one will become more frequent – these flagrant examples of playground nonchalance. Real king of the castle shit. Drink driving is one thing; drink driving as a Lord of the realm in black face is quite another. Perhaps next time if Lord George wants to get wankered and swerve around with no lights on at night, he should do it on his father's 28,000-acre estate.

@joe_bish