Asking for Trouble

By VICE Staff

Celebrate another shitty week spent getting shouted at by your parents, your boss, your landlord, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your best friend for sleeping with his girlfriend, strangers, dogs and the radio by reading this collection of stories about people getting in shit.

Illustrations by Sam Taylor. Follow him on Twitter @sptsam or visit his website at samtaylorillustrator.com.

IT'S A KNOCKOUT

So I'm out with a few friends in Holloway. We're all pretty drunk at this point, and we spot a guy who used to live round our flats who, we'd recently discovered, had once hit a girl friend of ours. It all kicked off instantly. We all run over and this guy's mates appear out of nowhere. Instantly fists are flying. Next thing I know, one of their guys is laid out on the floor and everyone has run off.

I think he's been knocked out, so I pick him up with the plan of dropping him off outside his house. It's only when I get halfway down the road with him that he's able to talk, and he tells me he's not just been beaten up, he's been fucking stabbed. I put him down onto a car bonnet for a sec and suddenly realise that I'm covered in his blood. I call an ambulance and explain that they need to come quick, because he's hurt pretty bad. The police turn up within minutes, to find me standing over him, covered in his blood. I'm arrested and released on bail while he recovers in ICU. He comes to weeks later and drops all charges, which is incredibly nice of him.

I toast my relief by going out and getting drunk in Holloway. On the way home, some asshole beats the shit out of me. C'est la vie.

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